SO Frustrated with Naptime (2 yr. old)

[EBeth0000]

Looking for some advice on better parenting my 2 yo down for his nap.

For the last few months, he has consistently taken a nap from 2-5 pm. The last few weeks it has been really difficult to get him down for his nap. I suspect the change may be developmental (excitement about trying new skills and using his body) rather than wanting a shorter or no nap, because he is still extremely tired by 2, and when I finally do get him down (sometimes as late as 4:30 or 5), he will still sleep 3 or more hours if I let him. If I let him skip nap entirely he falls asleep on the floor later in the evening around 6 or 7, and still wakes up for a late night party, and is then "off" for 2-3 days in terms of sleeping too late in the AM, having tons of tantrums, etc.

I really dislike the idea of letting him "go down" later at 6 or 7 by sheer exhaustion, as this requires me to wake him up so that he doesn't sleep through dinner and then stay up till midnight, and also makes the next few days a living toddler nightmare

However, I strongly believe you can't MAKE a child sleep (any more than you can make him NOT hungry, NOT be angry, etc.) But I know in my mommy heart of hearts he is tired, and if I could just settle him he would sleep.

We have tried: simulated bedtime routine, rocking, mama's milk in a cup (he weaned in my 3rd tri. pregnancy), singing, mama leaving the room so he can be quiet alone (sometimes me being there actually keeps him up!), letting him look at books in bed, bringing comfort toys to bed, not letting him bring anything to bed, laying down with him, cuddling, rubbing his back, patting his back, making sure he is dry, changing to more comfy clothes. . .the list goes on. I feel like I had tried EVERYTHING! Oh, and I have been making sure he is getting a lot of activity and play in the AM so he actually is tired.

I even have tried a couple of days putting him down earlier than normal thinking maybe we're missing his natural fall-asleep zone, and he is playing into zombie territory

The only thing that has worked lately is just sitting with him, and saying "no, be still. naptime." in a very firm tone of voice and putting my hand on his leg to remind him to be still when he tosses and turns (he will doze off, then flail his limbs into a different position which wakes him up. Once his body is still, he falls asleep in less than 10 min.) however, to make him be still that long I have to sit right by him and I feel so mean. Especially with the word "No"

I suspect this method of naptime enforcement is not Gentle Discipline. But why aren't any of my AP methods working? ARGH! I am so frustrated compounded by guilt at feeling like I am really screwing this up. It doesn't feel right to me. Please help.

[ssh]

Your situation sounds abit like my DD several weeks before she dropped her nap at 27 months. It was as if she still needed a nap, but she needed a longer day for her sleep cycle. We had a few weeks where she wanted to be up 8 hours before being able to sleep, then a 2 hour nap and up another 8 hours, then sleeping 10. That's a 28 hour day, lol. We had a really annoying couple of months while she transitioned into sleeping 12 hours and then being up 12 hours. My DD was grumpy too until her new sleep cycle stabilized.

[foreverinbluejeans]

Wow, a 2 year old going down for a nap for 3 hours! I had 3 kids and none of them ever took a 3 hour nap by themself, ever. The only naps they would have was when they would fall asleep nursing in my arms or next to me.

Why are you feeling guilty? Who says kids have to have 3 hour naps? What about driving him around in the car to fall asleep? Did you just have another baby?

[reezley]

My experiences with both my kids have been similar, a couple months of "needing" the nap but resisting it, being cranky because of it. I agree with the pp who said try driving around at naptime (if he's the type to ever sleep in the car). What I would do (and did!) is not spend more energy forcing naps - I know exactly what you mean and did exactly the same with ds1, insisting and reminding him to be still. It sometimes worked, but mostly it was just frustrating for me. What worked for us in the end with ds1 was to put on music in his room (it was a Raffi tape) and he'd listen alone - a few times he actually fell asleep - on the rug next to the tape player. For ds2, driving around worked sometimes. Now he either more willingly naps (usually in the car) or just skips the nap with no problem.

Mostly though - For us anyway, they adjusted after a few months and settled into a more normal schedule and being less cranky without the nap.