my eyes are open (long)

[momtomine]

i had never even heard of GD until reading this thread, and i have to tell you ladies that my eyes are opened. i have never been opposed to spanking in a very modified way (light tap on the rear, generally used when mommy is scared to death cuz you ran in the road etc.) but had noticed over the last several months that it was just not effective. my DD was so much easier to parent, as spanking was just never "needed" (i use "needed" loosely now that i have seen the light) but DS was really challenging me. after reading everything i could get my hands on in this thread, and all over the internet, my heart has made a 180 degree change. i was in tears at the thought of all the yelling i have done in the last 6 years, and even my modified spankings seemed so unnecessary. well i have now made it one whole day with no yelling, and no spanking, and no threats to do either. in fact, i did not even have to use a time out today. i know that one day may not seem like a big deal, but to me, it seemed like an impossibility. i got the kids in bed, and realized what a great day we had, and just had to cry a bit. thank you ladies, i think you saved my children.

[Super Glue Mommy]

(hugs) that is so wonderful!

My mom is in the camp that some kids "need to be spanked and some dont" or some need it more then others. How sad for the child who "needs" pain more then the other. I think of my son who has special needs and how often my mom probably would have spanked him if he was her son. Or how much more punishment he would get in another family. And its not HIS fault ya know? So many kids are punished and they didnt ask to be born with that personality. They didnt ask to be born at all. They need to feel unconditionally loved, which requires a lot more then us just feeling that we love them unconditionally.

[LynnS6]

That's great!

I would just remind you to be as gentle with yourself as you're trying to be with your children. There's a lot of learning to be done on both sides, and sometimes it's not easy. Sometimes, despite our best intentions, we lose it.

Tuesday was a rough night at our house. Ds lost a toy in the car. Dd wanted lemonade. I specifically asked her to WAIT for the lemonade until after I'd looked for the toy, and to NOT pour it herself. While I was out in the car, I hear a wail, and ds comes out to tell me that dd had poured lemonade all over the floor in the dining room. : I stomped. I slammed the door. I sent dd to her room to get her out of my reach. I cleaned up the mess. I brought dd down to give her a cloth to give the floor a 'rinse' to get some of the stickiness out. I yelled at ds that no, I had not found the toy, and #$%# it as time to get his pajamas on. Dd was sobbing that she wanted lemonade. (The natural consequence of spilling lemonade = no lemonade to drink, so she didn't get any). She sobbing for 45 minutes. Ds yelled that she was driving him nuts. I yelled back.

Luckily, dh came home at that point. I punted and went up to my room to read and cool down.

So, just remember, we all have our good days and our bad days. I'm glad today was a good day!

[Serendipity]

How touching, thank you for sharing! I'm so gald you've realized you can do things differently. Your whole family deserves it!

We parented my son with lots of time-outs, yelling, taking away privelages etc. until he was 6. I thought for sure once he was that age it would be impossible to do things differently. He was so 'hard headed' it seemed like he NEEDED me to be tough on him. Let me tell you, two years and some major changes in our life and things are so different. I think there is definitely some lasting effects but overall, life is peaceful and happy.

[sapphire_chan]

:
You've been able to make changes because you're the sort of person who is open to considering options.

[LuxPerpetua]

That is such an incredible story! It made my heart melt!

[momtomine]

2 days down, and a lifetime to go! im hoping that at some point it will all just be natural, and i wont have to count my way down, just to avoid screaming. but for now, no spankings, no time outs and no threats. just one near yell fest that was avoided by removing MYSELF from the situation! i thought i was supposed to be teaching the kids how to behave, but i guess mommy has to learn it first.

[alexsam]

Wow. That is truly inspiring.

What a beautiful decision you have made for your family.

Like a pp said- try not to be too hard on yourself, for your past or for potential "slip-ups" in the future. It is a lot of learning and a very emotional road and as we strive to be the best we can be, we can also feel very down on ourselves when we are not "perfect". And none of us are perfect!

But wow... This takes so much courage, commitment and really facing yourself and deciding who you want to be

[lizw]

That is wonderful...and so inspiring too! I feel like I really need some help these days...maybe i should start a new thread. Any advice or suggestions on what to do when they just won't listen to you? Some things I ask DD please not to do for her safety and she still does it. I have a really hard time getting through to her sometimes. I end up getting so frustrated....

[kcstar]

DH and I ended up using a code word of sorts: "Tag". As in "Tag, you're it". If one of us is getting too frustrated to handle the situation anymore, we call "Tag", and the other drops everything as soon as they can to take over.

Of course, that only works when I'm at home. But it does let us support each other / give ourselves time out.