Giving

[Auraji]

I suggested to DP last night that we should take out some of dss's toys to donate because he has accumulated an insane amount and there are some that are REALLY old and for younger kids. There's a mountain of toys in the living room and his room is even worse. I keep getting more toy buckets and toy chests to store them, but it feels kinda wrong to have so much when there's kids that have nothing. DP agreed to the idea.
Today I told him that we should do it with him and explain what and why we're doing it and that way he could also pick out what toys he wants to give. He's only 3 1/2 and DP said "no, that he would just cry". I dont know, this is something very normal for me, my mom did this with me as a kid, we always gave away toys and clothes when we got new ones. I was always part of the process, so it felt like something I was doing with her and it taught from a very young age to give and to not be materialistic.
What do you think? I think dss might cry when the idea of giving away a few of his toys, but I think if we explain it right and do it with him, it might turn into a very positive experience.
I dont know, sometimes I worry. Dss has been raised through reward/punishment. That's not a philosophy I share and he's very into "you're gonna buy me a present", everytime I tell him that he did something nice. So he might see giving away his "presents" as a punishment?
I would also like it if you shared your experiences with your children about giving.

[NiteNicole]

I don't think my 3.5 year old would really get it. She HATES change right now. At the same time, there are older toys she hasn't seen in ages and won't miss at all when they're gone (normally, I put some away and leave some where she can get them, as she outgrows toys they just don't come back into rotation).

I would say if there are things he hasn't seen, has forgotten about, and won't miss, just pass them on. Wait for him to get older before trying to involve him in the process. Right now I think it would just be confusing.

[MusicianDad]

Originally Posted by NiteNicole

I don't think my 3.5 year old would really get it. She HATES change right now. At the same time, there are older toys she hasn't seen in ages and won't miss at all when they're gone (normally, I put some away and leave some where she can get them, as she outgrows toys they just don't come back into rotation).

I would say if there are things he hasn't seen, has forgotten about, and won't miss, just pass them on. Wait for him to get older before trying to involve him in the process. Right now I think it would just be confusing.

That.

Especially if he's used to the idea of loosing toys as punishment.

[mamadebug]

I think it is a good thing to start, but think you have to do it gently at this age. My son is 4, and giving away toys and clothes is really hard for him. Developmentally, I don't know that is appropriate to expect them to be able to part with their possessions joyfully. So, we have approached it a few ways -

Before Christmas or birthdays, we talk about how he will get new things and maybe he could make room for the new things by cleaning out some of the old toys he doesn't play with anymore, that those toys may make someone else happy now. I only expect him to let go of one or two things.

A few times, when DS has really wanted something new, I have made a deal that if he can clean out three old things, we can go ahead and get the new thing.

Finally, if there are toys that I know haven't been played with in ages, and know they won't be missed, I just go ahead and clean them out by myself.

To get DS thinking about other people in this way, I always include him when I buy groceries for a food drive or donate a gift at Xmas time. I let him choose (within reason) and talk about how that may help a little boy and his family so that they can have dinner, or open a present on Xmas morning, etc

[Auraji]

He has plenty of things that he doesnt play with and wont be missed, so I'll just tell DP that we can take those out.

And mamadebug. I really appreciate your suggestions. It didnt occur to me to approach it like that

[karemore]

DD (just turned 4) is very generous with her friends, and has been helping me donate food, toys, clothes etc. But she's not at a stage where I would include her in the process of weeding through her toys and donating them.

One by one they disappear into a holding area. If she doesn't ask for them again in a few weeks, then they get donated to our church thrift store.

[Smithie]

Yup, too young. Stuff the things you want to donate in a bag (or two or three bags), wait a while to make sure you didn't unwittingly donate his favorite thing, and then off to Goodwill!

I really like getting my kids involved in toy donation - it's part of our religion actually, giving tzedakah (justice) to those in need before/as we celebrate simchas (joyful occasions like Hannukah). But they are only just getting old enough now to do it, and i still have to "edit" their contributions to the tzedakah pile bc they will invariably forget what we are up to and start tossing on their current favorites that they play with every day.

[serenekitten]

Just remember that some kids will cry no matter what you do. Include him, don't include him, but prepare for tears either way.

I wish Mom had made me go through my stuff more often as a kid -- we're pack rats and have too much clutter to this day.

[LindyLou]

Originally Posted by Smithie

Yup, too young. Stuff the things you want to donate in a bag (or two or three bags), wait a while to make sure you didn't unwittingly donate his favorite thing, and then off to Goodwill! p

This. My girls know I donate their clothes, but they would be very upset about any toys.

[Bell]

Children don't play with all their toys. Generally they have their favourites and I believe you can give some away that your lo won't even notice. When a little older your lo can participate and choose the ones for donation. I tried to ask my daughter if I could give some away and she never said yes but she didn't even notice! Later she helped me and did it by herself last year!

[GuildJenn]

This is one I'm struggling with myself. My son is 3.5 and we have reached a point where I feel it's a bit excessive, even with rotation. But, his toys are pretty important to him. Even the ones he doesn't play with all the time, because they are his. My husband pointed out I have a lot of things about which I feel the same (notably books).

It's a tough one. I'm planning to try sorting out my things with pomp and ceremony and see if he wants to go along.

[NYCVeg]

I'm going to be the voice of dissent here. Dd is not quite three (very verbal) and has been amenable to donating toys she doesn't use. We've talked to her about how we have more things than we need, and how some people don't have everything they need, so we can give our extra things to people who need them. We've taken her to Goodwill with us to donate OUR unwanted clothes, etc.

We're moving, and we need to downsize. We told dd that we need to donate some of her old toys to "make room" for new toys she'll be getting on her birthday. It took some talking through it--especially distinguishing things she uses and things she doesn't--but she picked out some things to donate without complaint. Clothes she's perfectly happy to get rid of--she likes passing off "baby clothes" and "baby toys" to make room for "big girl" clothes and toys (these are her terms, not ours).

We've also taken a bunch of toys out of rotation that we'll donate--we figure if she hasn't asked for it in six weeks, she won't miss it!