Aggressive 3 year old/passive 7 year old

[Devaskyla]

Not sure what to do. Ds2 is very aggressive to ds1. Whenever ds1 thwarts him, he lashes out. Two days ago he gave ds1 a bloody nose. A few minutes ago, he hauled off and smacked ds1 because ds1 "hurt" him. Ds1 had only lost his balance & fallen against him. This is a multiple times a day thing. Ds1 doesn't seem to do anything to get ds2 to stop, not even telling him not to. He either ignores it or cries for dh or I to get ds2 to stop hurting him.

I'm out of ideas for both of them. I want ds1 to start standing up for himself without hitting back & I want ds2 to stop being abusive to his brother.

ETA: Sometimes I really can't blame ds2 for wanting to hit/scream at ds1. Ds1 seems to think he's the parent & is incredibly bossy about it.

[Devaskyla]

No one has any ideas?

[Cate]

I really hope someone has some ideas... because what you just described is very similar to the situation in my home.

[lydiaharper]

Originally Posted by Cate

I really hope someone has some ideas... because what you just described is very similar to the situation in my home.

Here, too. DS1 is almost 6, and DS2 is almost 3 (both birthdays are in about 1-2months). DS1 is much more emotional, where DS2 is much more physical. It is always been that way, so not some recent change in personality. DS1 doesn't like to stand up for himself with anyone (sibling, cousin, "friends" at school), he just will come to me or DH for help. DS2 is a very physical boy. He loves to fight, wrestle, punch, and play "police" with daddy and take the bad guys to jail.

Before we came to GD, DH would tell DS1 to just do whatever the offender did back to them. He has a cousin (female, a year older than him) that is kind of a bully (her parents are very much the opposite of GD), and she will push around anyone that will take it. DS1 just don't know how to stand up for himself, and I don't know what to teach him to do.

Sorry for hijacking your thread!
Lydia

[Red Sonja]

I'm no help either, also hoping someone else has ideas. My almost 3 year old DD1 will just beat the crap out of 4.5 year old DS.

[Devaskyla]

Hijack away. Maybe if there's enough of us, someone will have some ideas.

So far, we've tried getting ds1 to tell ds2 that ds2 hurt him or that he doesn't like being hit...stuff like that. We have to remind him every single time, though & I'm sure it loses any effect it might have had when he whines at me first that his brother hit him and I have to tell him what to say. For ds2, we've tried telling him not to hit, gentle touches, point out he hurt his brother & timeouts.

Hasn't made a bit of difference.