Poll: Neighbor Play Appropriateness?

[snoopy5386]

DD is 3, we have 2 neighbor girls, sisters, who are 8 and 10. DD adores these girls and loves playing with them when we are all outside. The girls enjoy playing with DD as well. The parents are friendly, the wife and my DH work at the same school but in different departments, we chat and always say hi when they are outside, they have told us numerous times we can play on their playset or in their sandbox, even if they are not home. DD now is getting to the point of wanting to go to their house to ask the girls to come out and play and I'm not sure about this, the girls unfortunately are rarely outside, I think they spend the majority of their time hanging out in their finished basement. We usually catch them when they come home from school and they will stay out a bit and play with DD at that time. Unfortunately she is usually napping when they get home from school so we don't catch them very often. I am always either watching or interacting with them while they play, the parents are usually inside.
So, is it ok for my 3 yo to ask the 8 and 10 yo kids to come out and play? Or should I redirect her when she asks about them and only initiate play when they are outside already? I know this will become more of an issue once school is out for the summer.

[MusicianDad]

As long as your 3 yo can understand if the older kids say 'no' I see no reason why she can't ask them to come and play.

[aprons_and_acorns]

I voted yes, but I think a little of that goes a long way. I would make it a once-in-a-while thing as opposed to an everyday thing unless the girls seem very happy or enthusiastic to play when your 3 y.o. comes to call. It sounds like you have very nice neighbors!

[Peony]

I agree with the once in a while thing unless the girls are thrilled to play with her, and they may be. My 6y DD1 absolutely loves to play with the 1y neighbor girl and begs to go over to her house.

[Amylcd]

Originally Posted by aprons_and_acorns

I voted yes, but I think a little of that goes a long way. I would make it a once-in-a-while thing as opposed to an everyday thing unless the girls seem very happy or enthusiastic to play when your 3 y.o. comes to call. It sounds like you have very nice neighbors!

I agree with this.

[limabean]

I agree with everyone else -- it's fine as long as your DD understands that she has to accept whatever answer they give. And I agree with making it a once-in-a-while thing, or at least making it perfectly clear to the neighbor girls that they are not obligated to play if they don't feel like it.

[PlayaMama]

we live in a town with probably five kids tops. so, yeah, my 4 yo plays with the 8yo down the street and it's not a big deal.

i think it'd be fine unless the older girls aren't into it.

[mjg013]

I agree about the yes as long as it's not an everyday thing. I have 8 kids and we live in a neighborhood where everyone else has 1-2 kids. Their kids come to our house and knock on our door 8-10 times a day every single day. If we tell them they can't come out they will wait an hour and come knock again. Or if we tell them in a little while they'll wait on our porch and stare in our sidelights until I go run them off. They have even been found waiting on our porch when we got home from somewhere. It drives me insane. Not that I think you would have your dd over there that often, just saying once in awhile is great, everyday, not so much.

[vegemamato]

I loved to play with my [older] neighbor when I was little

[limabean]

Originally Posted by mjg013

I agree about the yes as long as it's not an everyday thing. I have 8 kids and we live in a neighborhood where everyone else has 1-2 kids. Their kids come to our house and knock on our door 8-10 times a day every single day. If we tell them they can't come out they will wait an hour and come knock again. Or if we tell them in a little while they'll wait on our porch and stare in our sidelights until I go run them off. They have even been found waiting on our porch when we got home from somewhere. It drives me insane. Not that I think you would have your dd over there that often, just saying once in awhile is great, everyday, not so much.

For that kind of situation, I read a great tip here on MDC once -- to hang a sign or flag near your door when you're available to play, and tell the neighbor kids about it. Then if they knock when the sign isn't up, remind them of the rule, and I bet they'll get the hint fairly soon.

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by MusicianDad

As long as your 3 yo can understand if the older kids say 'no' I see no reason why she can't ask them to come and play.

:
DD is 6. She knocks on various doors in the complex, looking for people to play with, and her regular playmates range from 4 to 11. Nobody minds, and a few of them come here looking for her, as well.

[onlyzombiecat]

Other. Ask your neighbor first how they feel about it and what works for them.
It could easily get annoying if a child was ringing the doorbell daily at an awkward time. A hundred people on MDC could say absolutely fine but you won't know unless you talk to them if it is appropriate for them.

I would just tell them that dd is eager to play with the girls and ask if it is okay if she rings their bell in the afternoon sometimes to invite them out to play.
They may clue you in that it isn't a good time during the week because the girls are doing homework or practicing piano or doing chores. Maybe they'll have a better suggestion like hanging a flag out when it is okay.

[karemore]

I don't think that it is fair to the neighbor girls.

It puts them on the spot to have to say no to a little girl they like, but don't necessarily want to play with. They can see when your dd is outdoors, if they wanted to play with her they would come out.


I would not allow her to knock on the door for kids that much older.

[snoopy5386]

Originally Posted by karemore

I don't think that it is fair to the neighbor girls.

It puts them on the spot to have to say no to a little girl they like, but don't necessarily want to play with. They can see when your dd is outdoors, if they wanted to play with her they would come out.


I would not allow her to knock on the door for kids that much older.

That is the problem, they can't see her. They have big picture windows in their living room with no curtains, so we can see right in. They are never upstairs. We have been in their house a few times and they like to hang in their awesome finished basement.

[sebandg'smama]

I voted other, because I think that if she catches them outside that's a good time to ask to play. As the other pp said, it puts the older kids in an awkward position.

However, this summer if you need some time to get dishes/laundry/insert-any-task done, they are a perfect mother's helper age if you wanted to pay them!
My ds would love that kind of job as he is still to young to babysit.

[weliveintheforest]

Can you explain the situation to the girl's parents? They will be able to let you know what would be appropriate.

[MamaChicken]

I said yes, because my DS is 10 and likes to play with all ages of kids in the neighborhood. That much younger - once a week or so would be appropriate. He would say "yes" and enjoy it most of the time. I, as his parent, would offer him an "out" if the child came over too often so he didn't hurt the kids feelings.

[snoopy5386]

thanks everyone - I'll keep it to an every once in a while thing. Hopefully they'll be outside more this summer. I do feel kind of bad when we are outside sometimes - our street only has front yards so if they are out, it is pretty much impossible for me to keep DD away from them when they are playing literally 10 feet away from us. She doesn't get yet that they may not want to play with her right now, and we can't just go in the back, we'd have to go inside. They've never seemed to mind so far.

[One_Girl]

I wouldn't send my child over to someone else's house without me and I really wouldn't feel comfortable having my six year old playing with a child who is only three. If you are going to be there supervising the play, if the parents and the children are happy with it, and if you take your dd home as soon as it is clear that either she or the big kids aren't interested in the play anymore, then I think it is fine for your situation. If you are wanting your child to not act like an infant though, then playing with children her own age or with you may be more appropriate. When older kids play with younger kids they tend to make the younger kids the baby and encourage things like whining and acting like a baby so they can play the role of parent.

[Smithie]

Any chance you can have another kid for your dd to play with?

I'm only half-joking. I don't think there's anything wrong with approaching the neighbor kids when you see them outside, but if you dd is needing more group playtime than that you should probably look into into a playgroup/class with kids closer to her own age.

And a 3 y.o. should not knock on anybody's door, EVER, unless you are standing a foot behind her and she knows it. Three is too young to get the idea that you can leave your house and initiate a social contact without an adult chaperon. She will figure out that concept soon enough!