House Rules?

[umsami]

What are your family's rules if any? Do you have set consequences for breaking them? Like, in our house, biting/kicking/scratching is an automatic time-out.

[lydiaharper]

We don't yet, but are having a family meeting this weekend to establish some. I am going to make a sheet (maybe 1/2 poster board) to hang up listing them, so we don't "forget" them.

Lydia

[momtomine]

Originally Posted by lydiaharper

We don't yet, but are having a family meeting this weekend to establish some. I am going to make a sheet (maybe 1/2 poster board) to hang up listing them, so we don't "forget" them.

Lydia

we have just started GD, and are doing this same thing this weekend. i also just got some great chore/reward charts at our local parent-teacher store, and i am really excited to implement all of the new concepts im learning about.

[lydiaharper]

Originally Posted by momtomine

we have just started GD, and are doing this same thing this weekend. i also just got some great chore/reward charts at our local parent-teacher store, and i am really excited to implement all of the new concepts im learning about.

Same here with the chore/reward charts. We are new to GD, too, and I know that DH and I have just as much learning to do as the LOs. We have been doing pretty good, no spankings for about a week, and no threats of spanking for a few days now. We have also been keeping a handle on the yelling, by reminding each other to calm down before talking to kids. We are also trying to do more teaching-telling why instead of "because I said so". I know it is gonna take some time, but we can do it, and YOU CAN TOO!

Lydia

[vegemamato]

Originally Posted by lydiaharper

Same here with the chore/reward charts. We are new to GD, too, and I know that DH and I have just as much learning to do as the LOs. We have been doing pretty good, no spankings for about a week, and no threats of spanking for a few days now. We have also been keeping a handle on the yelling, by reminding each other to calm down before talking to kids. We are also trying to do more teaching-telling why instead of "because I said so". I know it is gonna take some time, but we can do it, and YOU CAN TOO!

Lydia

I'm so glad you're making positive progress! :

eta: I'll try to come back later with a few rules

[HappyLittleHouse]

Our house rules are:

Listen and cooperate the first time with a happy attitude
Be Respectful
Be Responsible

These seem to cover all the big bases. We had to add "with a happy attitude" after whining got really out of control.

Consequences fit the action. If my 3 yo won't pick up his toys (being responsible) they go in time out. If he is not being cooperative, or is especially cranky, he gets a time out. Respectful includes not hitting, as hitting is obviously not respectful, and is an automatic time out as well.

I'm very open to listening to him and I'm not giving him demands that he must obey unquestioningly. I do give him a warning for non-egregious disobeying, like I'll ask, "Is that listening the first time?" or "Is that cooperating with a happy attitude?" Usually the reminder is enough to get him on track.

[Cujobunny]

We have a list on our fridge (at my 4y ds' request!)

Of the top of my head I believe they are:

Use words
No yelling
No hitting
No kicking
No pushing
Give people space
No snatching

The list is called The Rules of a Happy Home. The rules are there to keep everyone in the family happy and safe, so I remind the children that breaking the rules will result in someone being unhappy or possibly being hurt.

There aren't direct punishments associated but I do some logical consequences, like if you snatch a toy, you have to give it back and find another way to get the toy you want (asking, trading, waiting your turn).
For hitting, kicking, pushing, I just separate the kids and remind them that's not the way to treat people.

We can also change the list as we need to, i.e. it used to have No Spitting but since that's not an issue anymore, we made a new list. And the No Yelling rule is much more for mommy

[vegemamato]

After a little thought, we(kids and I) would say that our rules are:

Bodies, feelings and belongings are to be respected (i.e. no hitting/kicking/biting/teasing/ignoring/breaking/et cetera..).

Animals are our friends (and family!).. We treat them as such!

Fairness is Fair (and treat others how you would like to be treated).

If there is only a little bit of something left (like 1 banana or 2 ice cream bars), ask before you eat.

Wipe, Flush, Wash Hands!

and

Never Say Never (which is my 8 yr old's favorite )

I'm sure we have a few more, but this is the list we came up with

[Jenne]

I'm NYM but my rules for kids I work with and babysit are:

Follow directions
Bodies, hands, feet, and teeth to self

and then

No "powing" people, plants, or pets (powing has involved using objects to hit people, plants, and pets)

In general it is better to say what you want to have happen ie follow directions rather than what you don't want to have happen ie not listening.

Hope this helps...

Jenne

[GoBecGo]

Our are:

1) no-one may use physical aggression
2) no-one may use angry or aggressive words
3) we all apologise for breaking 1 or 2, and
4) we all make up as soon after 3 as possible
5) we never got to bed on an argument

For the minutiae of life we don't really have "rules". We kind of muddle through. I like her to do what is asked first time, but she's 3 so i hardly punish if she gets distracted/doesn't hear me/rebels against that. Also i am terrible for hearing "I want a milk" 3 times before acting on it, especially i'm i'm working (i do a it of freelancing) so if she has to deal with it, so can i.

[Mary-Beth]

We had a family meeting to discuss the rule we want to have.
We came up with five of them.

1. Gentle Hands (and feet and body!) This means hands are for helping and gentle touches.
2. Listen. This means to actually stop and listen to what others are saying and it also means following directions and cooperating.
3. Talk Nicely. Use a calm clear voice to work things out.
4. Take Ownership. This could mean picking up toys you've taken out, wiping up something you've spilled,etc. Claim your own feelings and actions.
5. Look in eyes. If someone is talking with you look at them (if at all possible-- Mama cannot look while driving)

For a long time we had a chart of the rules up and we would go visit the chart and read it and be reminded of the rules. These are family wide rules. It's not OK for children to be yelled at anymore than it is ok for the children to yell at parents. The only rule that has any consequence beyond a reminder (that's really all it's taken) is the gentle hands rule. If anybody uses their body (hit, kick, push) they go to their room and then come and take ownership (I'm sorry I pushed you. Next time I will........) But honestly that rule isn't broken often. Remember the kids were an active part of coming up with these rules. They understand that this is how they want to be treated as much as it is a guide for how they are to treat others.
There is an open discussion for adding or changing rules at any time but these one's have stuck. We would have a family meeting and discussed any changes being proposed.

Have fun creating your family rules!

[Talula Fairie]

Originally Posted by GoBecGo

Our are:

1) no-one may use physical aggression
2) no-one may use angry or aggressive words
3) we all apologise for breaking 1 or 2, and
4) we all make up as soon after 3 as possible
5) we never got to bed on an argument

For the minutiae of life we don't really have "rules". We kind of muddle through. I like her to do what is asked first time, but she's 3 so i hardly punish if she gets distracted/doesn't hear me/rebels against that. Also i am terrible for hearing "I want a milk" 3 times before acting on it, especially i'm i'm working (i do a it of freelancing) so if she has to deal with it, so can i.

those are pretty much our rules too

[mama_mojo]

As I read these rules, I wonder if something is wrong with us. Our rules are really different in that we do not worry that much about being gentle, talking nicely consistently, or acting the first time something is said. These things do not work for us, but I would tell you our house runs really happily and with not too many bumps.

Our rules are: stop when someone says stop and give a person a chance to make it right.

The second one covers lots of territory; for example, if DD is dressing a doll and I call her to dinner, our family rule means I need to give her a chance to respond and come down. It also means if DD screams in my ear, I will not hold a grudge, but will let her know how to make it right (try not to scream in my ear).

Really, we are a loud, rough and tumble bunch, and I would spend so much time alone in time out or with my kids in time out, that I would not have time to live.

PS- We are also oddly strict about these rules and table manners. It's funny how different families work, and most everyone turns out okay.

[One_Girl]

Our rules are use kind words and express yourself without violence, listen or give some sort of response when someone is trying to get your attention or asking you to do something (even if the response is to say you can't do that right now), and don't pester once the answer to your question is given. The consequences of not following the rules tend to be natural or logical.

If one of us is speaking unkindly the other tends to walk away and not get involved in a fruitless discussion. We tend to talk later about what we should have done instead and apologize for what we did do. I will remind dd of the rules or talk to her about why she needs to stop doing something. I will also leave the room for pestering lately because it is getting really annoying to listen to. If dd doesn't listen or respond to me I tend to go to her and get right in front of her to make sure she can hear me and she does the same with me. When one of us is having a hard time dealing with our emotions we will usually go take a break on our own, unless we want to talk to calm ourselves down.

[Mary-Beth]

I recommend people word there rules in the positive. The focus being on what you want not on what you don't want. If you hear no hitting you visualize hitting and then think not to do it. If you hear gentle hands you visualize doing something gentle with your hands.

Just my 2cents of advice.

[DevaMajka]

Our rules are not listed out, but basically just understood. These rules apply to everyone in the house, all ages:

*Respect people's and animals' boundaries ("no means no" etc)
*Harm none- Do not harm people or animals.
*Do not damage others' property. (This would include things like drawing on walls, etc)
*Ask for things and favors in a polite/respectful/nondemanding way.
*Do not leave items on the stairs, or on the landings by the stairs.
*No toys in the cooking area of the kitchen.
*Do no stand on, or slide down, the back of the couch.


That's all the "rules" that I can really think of. Most everything else we just deal with it as it comes.

The aren't any consequences per se. We just reiterate the "rule", discuss the effects that his actions have on others, and talk about acceptable alternatives.

[phathui5]

Ours' are:

1. We obey our Lord Jesus Chris.

2. We love, honor and pray for one another.

3. We tell the truth.

4. We consider one another’s interests ahead of our own.

5. We speak quietly and respectfully with one another.

6. We do not hurt one another with unkind words or deeds.

7. When someone needs correction, we correct him in love.

8. When someone is sorry, we forgive him.

9. When someone is sad, we comfort him.

10. When someone is happy, we rejoice with him.

11. When we have something nice to share, we share it.

12. When we have work to do, we do it without complaining.

13. We take good care of everything God has given us.

14. We do not create unnecessary work for others.

15. When we open something, we close it.

16. When we turn something on, we turn it off.

17. When we take something out, we put it away.

18. When we make a mess, we clean it up.

19. When we do not know what to do, we ask.

20. When we go out, we act just as if we were in this house.

21. When we disobey or forget any of The 21 Rules of This House, we accept the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

The consequence for one of the younger kids (or the kids I'm watching) hurting someone is time-out. If it happens several times in a row, I'll remove them from the action for a longer period of time. After time-out, little kids talk about what they did and what they should have done instead. Older kids write a letter of apology to the offended party.

[twead]

ds is 19mo so the 'rules' are mostly safety oriented.

chairs are for sitting.
ride-on toys are for sitting.
feet stay on the floor. (ie, no climbing)
parking lots are for holding hands

about 2 months ago, our chairs and the rideon toys spent alot of time in time out. lol. right now, there is only one chair accessible in the dining room and I'm sitting in it! The rest are upside down hanging from the china cabinet.

I'm sure there are more, but it is mostly just how our house 'operates' and is less of specific rules'



I do have a specific rule for tv though. In fact, we've had this rule so long (way before children) and dh is so good about it that I don't remember the last time I needed to mention it.

'If I want to listen to people arguing (on TV), I will pick my own argument' (and it will be with you)

[lavender_mama]

We have three rules, in no particular order:

1. Respect others.
2. Respect your environment.
3. Respect yourself.

That pretty much covers it. Oh, and by "environment" I don't mean trees and birds necessarily, I mean your personal environment, including the furniture and walls of your home, and your toys, pretty much all things around you.

There is no time out. If you break a rule, you are reminded of a rule. If you continue to break the rule, you are invited to walk away from that particular situation until you can choose to be peaceful. Yeah, I know. Sounds idealist, right? But it works. It's been this way since my oldest was born, and we have a very peaceful household and respectful child who gives me lots of hugs!

I hate rules. I keep it to just those three. I mean, if you think about it, pretty much anything you can imagine falls into one of those three. Pulled the cat's tail? You're not respecting others. Drew on the wall? You're not respecting the environment. Left your toys out again? You're not respecting yourself.

[umsami]

Oh, I like your three rules, lavendarmama. That makes it easy.

phathui5, your rules seems really familiar. Are they from Greg Harris's book? Is it tough having so many rules... or do you tend to focus on just a few when your kids are young?