Gentle Way to Respond to the same question over and over...

[labdogs42]

My 4 year old DS has been on a kick lately asking us if we can go to Toys R Us and buy a new toy. It is starting to drive me insane. Mind you, he has TONS of toys. We aren't exactly an anti-toy family. I think he has asked me about 15 times today if we can go to TRU. Or he says, "I wish I could get a new toy," and gives me the sad eyes. I am trying to be gentle and use the "I wish I could get you every toy in the world" (from How to Talk...) or, we'll go sometime, just not today, but sometimes, I'll admit, I have snapped and said, "I think you already have enough toys. Maybe we need to give some away to children who would appreciate them." I don't feel good about it, but it does seem to get him to stop for a few minutes. Any suggestions of a gentle way to handle these annoying requests? Should I just totally ignore them? What should I do???

[sapphire_chan]

Start asking him about the toy?
"What type of toy would you get if we could go?"
"What would you do with it?"
Come up with silly things that he might do with the toy(s) "and then you could put it on a plate and eat it!" let him correct you.

Since you've made it clear that you've heard him, he might just be wanting to talk about going to get a toy, but is stuck and can't think of anything to say about it but "can we go?"

[LynnS6]

"that's a great thing to put on your gift list for your next birthday/christmas" (or whatever holidays you celebrate).

That does two things: it shows the child you've heard them AND taken them seriously, and it gives them a finite timeline for when the toy would be gotten. For some reason, it doesn't matter to my kids that the 'time' is a gazillion months away. It's definite. They hate "oh, we'll go sometime."

[labdogs42]

I do usually try to do the Christmas/birthday thing, thanks for the reminder! I have been trying to find out if there is a particular toy he wants, but he hasn't been really specific. Thanks for the ideas!

[alexsam]

We do an allowance (ds is 4). It gives him some control and he makes decisions about saving and spending. It really put an authentic end to all the "I want" stuff because now we say "Should we get your bank and see if you have enough?" and then we discuss what he needs to do to buy the toy.

[octobermom]

Several things we do here..
Wow that would be neat you should put that on your birthday/Christmas list...

WOW that would be fun you will have to save up $XX for it from your allowance

no you have enough toys right now.. (honestly is not lacking in gentleness)

Deanna

[labdogs42]

Originally Posted by octobermom

no you have enough toys right now.. (honestly is not lacking in gentleness)

Deanna

Thanks for this. I guess i just need to watch my tone to keep it gentle! Sometimes I get so irritated, it doesn't come out so gently!

[chaimom]

My 3yo dd does this too. Once I tried to stop the conversation and said, "You have enough toys. Not today." And she replied, "But Mom, I want to TALK about it." She really just wanted to talk about it! What color it would be, what she'd do with it. She KNEW I wasn't going to get her one at that particular time. She just wanted to engage with me. It really taught me a lesson about listening. Maybe you could try that? (I was about to say tactic, but it's really just a polite conversation.)

[labdogs42]

Today he says he just wants to go LOOK at toys and put them on "the list". I may take him tomorrow and make him stick to that promise. Wish me luck.

[lizajane30]

Wow, I'm so glad to find out I'm not the only mama who hears this over and over!

[library lady]

If you don't have time to actually go to the store, perhaps you could sit down with him and look at toys on the internet. My DD would nag me about going to the store to look at toys so I asked her if we could do it on the computer instead. This has been a great way towindow shop and give my DD one on one time without actually going to the store.

Another thing to try is model their behavior back to them by coming up with a silly question and repeatedly ask them the same question. Then, I turn it into a moment of learning. I don't do this all of the time but I was at a loss with my oldest when she insisted on nagging/whining/repeatedly asking the same question over and over. It was funny when my daughter asked me to stop because I was getting on her nerves. So, I asked her how she thought it made me feel when she did that to me. I could see the lightbulb go on.

[labdogs42]

Oooh, more great ideas! Thanks!