Online "place" for gifted adults?

[StoriesInTheSoil]

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Edited by StoriesInTheSoil - 7/28/11 at 10:27pm

[no5no5]

I think there was a gifted tribe at one point. Honestly, for me the only significant way my giftedness affects me these days is insofar as my childhood provides insight into how I want to parent my DD. Other than that, it's a non-issue. Maybe that's just because I don't use my brain much anymore.

[StoriesInTheSoil]

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Edited by StoriesInTheSoil - 7/28/11 at 10:22pm

[joensally]

I'm sorry you're struggling. Why not trying to revive the old one? Or start a new one?

ETA, I wish it could be hosted here as there's less traffic (even viewing, never mind posting).

[Labyrinth]

Maybe joining Mensa? It would be like a real life support group, I think they have forums started by members.

How do you feel your IQ or talent (or however you define gifted) affected your life? Maybe there are other venues for support online. I've found that many small to medium size non-commercial communities online tend to have very bright people who frequent them.

[PreggieUBA2C]

I have also been lamenting the giant hole in my own life for interaction with like-minded (in many ways) adults.

I'm not in that 'optimal range' of intellectual giftedness that allows me to be both outstanding and highly successful in a group of people. I also have an unusual personality for a woman, apparently. I am far more inclined to enjoy the communication styles and interests of men than women, but I am not masculine at all. This is confusing to both men and women. Then I am both artistically and intellectually gifted, which has a bizarre effect in relationships. OH! And I have four children and we live in the woods and live in a way that is philosophically opposed to mainstream culture.

You see, I have a lot going for me...

It has become very lonely for me to not have contact with true peers, and what's worse is that I can't even express this because it would come off as elitist and pompous. It's just true, and it's frustrating for me and for my dh who wishes I could find someone who could communicate with me, who wouldn't require a constant reduction of my thoughts and expressions.

I have found someone online personally through a site my dh administrates. Both my dh and I came to know him there, and writing back and forth, we were amazed to have found someone we could just write to and who would just 'get it.' My dh rolls his eyes at our letters because they are so odd to him (and he's a pg with lots of creativity). I stopped writing because I felt uncomfortable not knowing how my dh felt about me connecting with a man online in a way that doesn't allow for my dh's participation.

Recently, my dh and I talked about it because I told him this and he asked a few questions and then upon my response, urged me to reconnect with this friend.

If statistics give any indication at least of availability, there aren't going to be very many people like me with whom I'd be able to connect, so I don't expect to find a whole forum. One person is more than I've ever had, so I'm going to write again tonight.

I hope you can find someone too.

I have found that while IQ is not synonymous with intelligence, at high IQ scores, personal commonalities become apparent as relating, if only incidentally, to those scores. By this, I mean that even though my IQ has little to no meaning in my life, the traits that I have seem to best correlate with others who have similar IQ scores. It isn't enough to communicate with 'gifted' adults, because I don't have much in common with most gifted individuals. I share most of my traits with people who (perhaps incidentally) have similar IQ scores to mine, and there are not many.

Please know that I of course do not think of myself as better than anyone. I am just relating to the need to communicate with others of like-mind, and for me, there seem to be very few. I spend all of my time with people of varying intellectual capacities and love them, so it's not that I want to replace them; I just would like to be free as I am with one person, just being and not having to moderate everything I express.

It is very lonely.

[StoriesInTheSoil]

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Edited by StoriesInTheSoil - 7/28/11 at 10:22pm

[no5no5]

Mensa accepts many different test scores. You might check their website and see if you've already taken one or more. I was a member in my teens, and I didn't get much from it, but I didn't live in a very populous area, and I was the youngest member. I think it is probably better suited to MG than HG people, but again, that might be different in an urban area.

I do identify with some of what I read in your posts and Preggie's post. I am lucky in that DH is a genuine peer for me in every way, and I have a few real-life (but now, after a move, online) friendships with people I consider to be peers. I don't know what their test scores would be like--probably below mine--but what I have found to be more important is confidence, curiosity, and openness to thought and discussion. But honestly, it has been a while since I have written to any of them.

I too am well outside of the mainstream in many ways, and I have been since childhood, so I suppose I've gotten used to it. It doesn't bother me anymore. I do try to join groups related to my various interests (e.g., a freethinker's group; a natural parenting group), but I also really value meeting and interacting with a wide variety of people. And I am not so involved in pure intellectualism as I used to be.

I wonder if we could convince the mod to keep this thread and/or a gifted adults tribe thread on this board. Although it is not about discussing our gifted children, I do think this topic is of concern and interest to parents of gifted children.

[kittynurse]

I don't post much but I wanted to say that I know they are trying to move the tribes into more appropriate forums so if you contact a mod, they might let you start one here.

I need more brain stimulation. DH has a similar intelligence level to me but his intellectual interests are different to mine.

Martha

[expecting-joy]

You know it's funny. I was tested/labeled gifted in school, but I never really thought of it much. It just meant I could be in slightly more stimulating classes and be less bored.

Having kids has been a bit of a shocker to me because I have come to see that my kids are in a completely different place than other kids. I expected them to be bright, but it never really occurred to me that they were so far from normal that they would be excluded in so many ways. The weirdest thing has been finding out that what they do is not possible and thus I must be an attention whore when I answer someone's question about where they are/what they do. Sadly I have learned to answer like a politician.

The PPs bell curve illustration is really a great one. I guess I knew that peers for me were hard to find, but I had never really pictured it that way. I went to school with a lot of PG kids and I had never processed how odd that was. I felt like like-minded people were everywhere and i just hadn't figured out how to meet them (You don't just walk in a bar, for example - not that I particularly care for bars).

Anyway, I don't have any advice. I just wanted to thank you for posting, so that I would have this new illustration to ponder. It would be fun to have a group and not have to edit myself so much.

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[Miss Information]

I hear you.

I don't have a lot of friends who are intellectual peers, and none who are scientists IRL. I left a really good career in the clinical biosciences and there's not even a whole lot of SAHMs around here. I have had a few intellectual equals and a few "soul-mates" IRL - a few who could really relate to what is really in my heart. I do miss them, but our lives have diverged (one passed away). It happens.

I was having a lot more trouble before I began blogging. I have gotten a decent amount of feedback from readers so I don't feel like I'm completely alone in the universe. I talk about gifted issues, selective mutism, and my own personal coming to terms with being a SAHM instead of a an on the bench scientist like I was.

I still have science in my life - but now I teach my kids science and I have a blog for that too. And I have a blog for general kids learning too. The feedback I get from my blogs seems to be enough for now.

It's way better than it used to be when I didn't have an outlet for my thoughts. I don't need to verbally communicate them. I'm better at writing anyhow, so it feeds my needs quite well.

I am a member of a gifted forum, though it's not very active. We are trying to drum up more active membership, but it's not growing as fast as I wish it was. But that's okay. You can find it on my blog on the sidebar.

***
Oh, as far as *dumbing down* one's speech... I never thought of it in that way. I always thought it was a sign of a truly intelligent person if they could adjust their speech to the audience. It's out of consideration for the other person. When I write (or talk) it's always been with the mind that I WANT other people to understand what I'm talking about and I assume they may not understand things at my level. I do use some complex terms or scientific terms as needed, but only when nothing else would do. I look to create understanding and I love to simplify complex thinking. I take it as a mental challenge to make things crystal clear for others.

Oftentimes I want to share important information for their benefit most times, so choosing words carefully so the maximum clarity is achieved is very important to me. I see it as my philanthropic mission in life: to help others who are suffering. I choose words not to show off what fancy words I know, but to reach the most people who might be hurting.

At any rate, you could post to your hearts content any kind of complex thinking on the gifted forum I have on my blog. You'd find others who'd understand you.

[no5no5]

Originally Posted by Miss Information

Oh, as far as *dumbing down* one's speech... I never thought of it in that way. I always thought it was a sign of a truly intelligent person if they could adjust their speech to the audience. It's out of consideration for the other person. When I write (or talk) it's always been with the mind that I WANT other people to understand what I'm talking about and I assume they may not understand things at my level. I do use some complex terms or scientific terms as needed, but only when nothing else would do. I look to create understanding and I love to simplify complex thinking. I take it as a mental challenge to make things crystal clear for others.

I agree. I think most people are capable of understanding and discussing just about any topic in a pretty complex way. They may need you to slow down, or start simple, but I think you have to do that anyway when you are explaining your own thoughts, regardless of your audience. I know I have had many interesting conversations with people who are not as "smart" as I am, and I have also had many frustrating conversations in which someone who thought they were smarter than me refused to slow down so that I could understand them.

[Miss Information]

Originally Posted by no5no5

I know I have had many interesting conversations with people who are not as "smart" as I am, and I have also had many frustrating conversations in which someone who thought they were smarter than me refused to slow down so that I could understand them.

Oh, my goodness - yes to both of that. I have felt "stupid" in the presence of two friends (a husband and wife) not just because they spoke rapidly, but they also spoke to me AT the SAME time. They'd have similar conversations going and I'd somehow be expected to follow them at the same time. It can be exhausting to listen to both of them together.

[PreggieUBA2C]

Originally Posted by Miss Information

***
Oh, as far as *dumbing down* one's speech... I never thought of it in that way. I always thought it was a sign of a truly intelligent person if they could adjust their speech to the audience. It's out of consideration for the other person. When I write (or talk) it's always been with the mind that I WANT other people to understand what I'm talking about and I assume they may not understand things at my level. I do use some complex terms or scientific terms as needed, but only when nothing else would do. I look to create understanding and I love to simplify complex thinking. I take it as a mental challenge to make things crystal clear for others.

Oftentimes I want to share important information for their benefit most times, so choosing words carefully so the maximum clarity is achieved is very important to me. I see it as my philanthropic mission in life: to help others who are suffering. I choose words not to show off what fancy words I know, but to reach the most people who might be hurting.

This is it though. For myself, this is usually the only sort of communication I have with others. It's really not a question of either my intelligence (or its markers) or my ability to communicate with others; everyone who knows me, regardless of their intellectual/spiritual/instinctual/social/etc... abilities regards me as someone who communicates well, both in person and through writing. This is a non-issue for me; others seem quite happy with both the level and content of our communications.

It's me who is not satisfied because while I can interact with anyone about anything and have a conversation that might satisfy him/her, I have nobody in my life with whom I can delve as deeply as I do naturally into the subjects and ideas that interest me (and there are very many).

If I had a few people and had to moderate which topics and their content each could handle, while still being satisfactorily rich in content (and all that that entails), then I would be happy with that. The problem is that I don't currently (although I mentioned that I would be writing to someone I met with whom I can discuss without constraint).

I'm not interested in showing off either, or proving myself. I would just love to be as I am, in the company of others- completely, rather than a fraction of who I am because who I am isn't even recognisable to the majority for lack of ability to relate.

The idea that if I was truly intelligent, I would have no trouble communicating with others is an old and tired idea that must have been made popular by someone who doesn't share the same innate traits as me, which is going to come off as pompous- not intended, and I'm sorry for that. It's a lot like when others tell me they know what it's like to raise boys and respond to everything they see in my family as if they truly know, all the while having no idea that they are witnessing four gifted children with ADD (or ADD likely for the babe) and the enormous amount of energy and effort that goes into teaching ADD children what they need to know and nourishing them specifically to function. The majority of parents who raise boys will not really 'know' what it is like for us, but few will recognise that, it seems.

I once had a new (childless) teacher tell me, the mother of four children, that I should trust her, that when they become 'school-age' I'll definitely not want to have them all around with me (we are life-learners), and this she 'knows' without a doubt.

People have a need to relate, and most people will overextend the way a child calls every animal a horse for a while (although mine didn't, but it's common), without even becoming aware that they are doing so. This need is so ingrained, that sometimes even in the face of a complete disconnect, they will continue to perceive as though they were relating; their ability to discern is completely occluded by their need to relate.

My personal thoughts are that if I am expressing a need (the topic of this thread) that cannot be fulfilled even through what is obvious, such as communicating with others in ways that they can understand and that satisfy them, that if this isn't all there is to me, then there is a remainder, and it is real. It requires my attention and to shrug it off only delays the inevitable loneliness that comes with finding that sharing just the shallowest version or preface to an idea fills all the buckets in the room, and I haven't even begun to share what interests me. It's like reading the title of a book aloud, and everyone sighing in delight and exclaiming, "Well, that was wonderful! I have so much to think about. I'm going home to chew on that for a while. Thanks for the stimulating story!"

If I see green and someone else sees only blue, and I am able to articulate the vision of two distinct colours culminating in a new distinct colour, who sees more? The one who sees one- blue-, or me, who sees three- blue and yellow together making green?

This is a real issue for some gifted adults and children, that their intelligence cannot address. That remainder that I mentioned earlier exists unless there is an outlet, and because nearly everyone is sated before I have even begun to express my thoughts, I find my life to be a lonely existence, even though I've communicated well with others.

[no5no5]

Originally Posted by PreggieUBA2C

It's me who is not satisfied because while I can interact with anyone about anything and have a conversation that might satisfy him/her, I have nobody in my life with whom I can delve as deeply as I do naturally into the subjects and ideas that interest me (and there are very many).

If I had a few people and had to moderate which topics and their content each could handle, while still being satisfactorily rich in content (and all that that entails), then I would be happy with that. The problem is that I don't currently (although I mentioned that I would be writing to someone I met with whom I can discuss without constraint).

I don't mean to imply that I know what it is like to be you, because, as you pointed out, I obviously don't. But reading this, I think everyone has this problem. I don't think it is about being gifted. I think there is no-one on this earth who has someone they can talk to about all their interests in the same way they think about all their interests...I sort of think this is simply a problem of being alive and human. I too have gone through periods in my life of feeling terribly alone. But for me, right now, I feel satisfied in my relationships with others. I feel comfortable and I feel like I am being myself without sharing ALL of myself, which would be overwhelming and really unworkable with anyone, even a carbon copy of myself. Perhaps I am satisfied because I am an introvert, and you are unsatisfied because you are an extrovert?

[Miss Information]

Preggie -

I wasn't necessarily addressing you when I was addressing the idea of adjusting speech to the audience.

I was addressing the concept of "dumbing down". I dislike that term. But you have to figure if the majority of the people aren't going to be climbing up to the level that you are at, you have to meet them where they are at. It is what it is. I'm sorry that you feel that it's a tired concept. Tired as it may be, to do otherwise might alienate people from you.

Or...the other idea you could try is: Be yourself. Say what you want the way you want to and see if you get far with it. I don't mean that to be snarky, I mean that as a social experiment. You basically want to fully express yourself, so do it. Don't hold back. Nobody says you have to. See what happens.

And here's another thing - look for the giftedness in others. Sure you aren't going to find exactly what you are looking for, but you'd be surprised at what you might find if you look at people as if they have "giftedness potential". Remember, most people our age probably were never identified as gifted, so they might have done a lot of hiding of their talents - just like you feel you have to.

I find the same problems as OP and you do. I have no one to share ALL my ideas with IRL. I do have one mother friend (older than me) who will at least listen to a few things I have to say about parenting a child with emotional regulation problems (because her son has difficulties too).

I've come to accept that I'm not going to talk science with anyone, or talk about gifted issues. I get my need to communicate fulfilled through MDC and my blog and responding to other's blogs. I don't need verbal communication to express myself. I actually prefer the written word anyway.

There's no one in real life in my neck of the woods who has even heard about Dabrowski's Theory of Positive Disintegration or who read Metamagical Themas, or dyscalculia, so I'm not going to find anyone (not even my gifted dh - he'd rather talk about computers or guns). Heck, there's no one in real life that really gives a rat's bottom about the fact that I love to make toys for my kids or that we do science experiments. So I talk about it on my blogs.

Oftentimes, for the things I'm particularly passionate about, I actually prefer solitary research anyway. When I find something relevant about a topic in written form, I feel like either validation (that I'm on the right track with what I believe) or it causes me to change my viewpoint or at the very least investigate another angle. It's *sort of* like having a conversation...it just might take months to resolve, not minutes. I'm reading the Living With Intensity book, and even though I'm not talking to the authors, in a way, I feel like many of my questions have been answered and my suspicions have been confirmed - just like they would had I been speaking directly to the authors themselves.

I'm building a community online and I'm pretty satisfied with it. I know that NO ONE (except for one person) in real life is going to want to hear what I have to say about certain things. I'm okay with that. That one person was a colleague, mentor and friend in the crime lab I used to work at and I get to talk about once every three months, and it's usually a 2 hour long phone call.

There used to be a forum at SENG (Supporting the Emotional Needs of the Gifted), but some of the posters had really negative attitudes and all they did was try to argue with whatever anyone said, just to show their intellectual prowess. Those types of gifted individuals actually spoke harshly about "normals" (anyone who is not gifted). That type of superior thinking really is just selfish and arrogant. That was one of the major reasons they shut it down so now a lot of good people lost the one place they could feel free to be themselves - just because of a few who had to consistently cause trouble.

At any rate, if anyone is looking to build an online forum, join the one on my blog (Raising Smart Girls) and please start posting! We can build something pretty amazing.

[Miss Information]

The other thing I wanted to add was...I'd love to read more of your thoughts Preggie (and any others reading who feel like you don't have a way to express your ideas) - so if you had any amount of time... start blogging. Maybe you'd find like minded individuals if you just expressed yourself through a blog. They are free.

I'm trying to collect blogs of gifted mamas, so if you have one or know of one, feel free to add it here.

[StoriesInTheSoil]

Edited by StoriesInTheSoil - 7/28/11 at 10:23pm

[StoriesInTheSoil]

Edited by StoriesInTheSoil - 7/28/11 at 10:23pm

[PreggieUBA2C]

I'm on my way out right now, but will pop in later to drone on.

Before I go, I wanted to share that I am an extreme introvert and have been doing all of the things mentioned here to alleviate my loneliness. It isn't enough; I actually need a kindred spirit, it seems. All this time in my life, I have been expressing according to the comprehension level of others and the reason I didn't have as a child and don't know any peers now is that my parents were completely against me attending the school for pg children that would have given me a group of people to be me amongst. I am now searching for adult peers, and was delighted to find that there are a few others too.

I am just now realising that I cannot fill the hole with more level-adjusted communication. After 32 years, I guess I need a friend who can look beyond the horizon with me. I don't need to let my whole self out at once, or express every idea completely; this is a simplistic interpretation of my situation and desire (and I'm an extreme introvert; I would detest a relationship like that). I have done the experiment, but find that I only then read the table of contents before I've lost others' interest in communicating, so I stick with the title because that's all others in my current circle can handle.

Anyway, more later.