Online "place" for gifted adults? - Page 4

[Miss Information]

Originally Posted by tinyactsofcharity

Uhm, I guess I'd make of this exactly what it seems- that these people are not FEELING any alienation or loneliness. I don't understand the hostility here, did I say something offensive or was this directed at someone else? I never specified that anyone had to be Profoundly Gifted (and I don't think I specified that I even was PG) to be my friend... I just said I was searching for some generally gifted people to speak with about issues that I honestly feel pertain to my own giftedness.

I am afraid that there are a lot of hurt feelings and offended people here and this was not at all my intention in starting this thread. I really hope that I haven't made anyone feel bad or ignored in this thread... if I have, would you mind explaining what I've done? I just feel bad that I've started yet another thread that has been derailed with hurt feelings and hostility. :

:

I suspect the point wasn't about you. I gathered it was about the side chat with another poster. I have since had some online conversations with her and I *think* everything is really okay (at least I hope so - perhaps I scared her off).

I don't think it's derailed. I think something productive came about it. I don't think some questions that Roar makes are trying to be deliberately offensive. I think she makes counter-arguments that challenge one's perceptions, to be sure, but I think ultimately it's to offer a different perspective, perhaps something that someone hasn't been aware of. Of course, it's hard to know what someone else already knows and there are limitations to online communication.

Don't stress yourself over it. I think (and I hope I'm not overstepping here) it's these types of threads where you learn a lot more about yourself (or confirm what you already know) when you are able to see other people's experiences and how they are similar and different than your own.

[Tigerle]

: Coming out!
I also want to offer a .

I have followed this thread with extreme interest and a great many aha! moments. I have not joined in because I am not PG and my own alienations, while real, seem rather petty and on a totally different scale to what most posters on this particular thread have talked about. But I have gained a lot from this and want to thank everyone for sharing.

I also want to add that though I get how asking very probing questions and pointing out whatever doesn't appear to compute in someone else's account can come across as hostile (and I have been accused of this irl) I think it is also a gifted thing to just try and get at the information, - whatever it takes. Just another perspective.

Thanks OP - this was one of the most interesting conversations I have read here.

[kanasa]

Running with Dragons

I found this community a while ago, and decided this would be my first post.

In regards to the original topic of the post, if you are looking for an online community for 'gifted' adults you might want to check out, if you haven't already, tribe.net. It covers a wide variety of topics from simple DIY to 'taboo' or 'fringe' subjects. There are quite a large number (I would say most of the people on there) of highly intelligent, deeply wise, vastly creative and conscientious people on the network. I do warn, sadly, that there is a quite a bit of pettiness, immaturity, superficiality, melodrama and trolling there. I have been highly impressed with MDC, as I have not seen that here so far. People seem very willing to patiently address issues, problems, disagreements civilly, calmly and compassionately.


I do not consider myself to be gifted, I am a very ordinary, average person. I have however have had great fortune to have had many, many gifted friends and family memebers in my life. The patience I have been granted by them, their willingness and openness to share their knowledge and experience, has helped me become a fairly reasonable, compassionate and understanding person. I personally haven't paid enough homage and reflected my gratitude back to them as I should have.


Preggie, if you are still following this thread, your personal experience that you've shared a little of, echoes similarly to the abilities and experiences of four people I have had in my life. I will not go into details here of their lives here, as I would rather they speak for themselves if they choose to.

Of these possibilities, two of them I have not had contact with in many years, this thread has given me some extra motivation to get back in contact with them. The other two, whom of which happen to be my sister and the man of my life, I will be sending links to the thread, and if they would like, may post their thoughts. It may not be exactly the same thing as having that friend down the street you can meet for tea, of course, but I am hoping it may help. You all deserve to feel connected and understood as whole human beings.

This has been a very positive and powerful thread. Thank you all for sharing so openly, graciously and eloquently. I hope I have expressed myself clearly and I am simply hoping it helps.

Thank you for taking the time and consideration to read this.

Peace, Love and Harmony.

[Miss Information]

kanasa - welcome! We try to work very hard at supporting one another. Differences of opinion do happen, but I think we all try to work things out respectfully.

[purplemoon]

I could join mensa, but then what? Will we do puzzles all day? As I figure it, I am of a high IQ, as is my brother and my father and while we can do some things well, we are generally socially inhibited. I learn more from others than I do myself. I consider myself smart but not smart at life. I thank God for others who are wise and may not notice silly patterns and word phrases and just live.

So for me, I am thankfull I have never been stuck with a bunch of people like me going dork about things without meaning. Life's meaning is available to everyone and the smarties have no advantage at all. So, in my life, I have learned to listen to everyone.

Of course, if I want to play games which utilize high IQ's I'll head for my family, otherwise I listen to the brilliant people who may not be as inclined in dorkiness but in life.

Listen to the others when it comes to not isolating yourself. I have learned more from people that are not gifted than from gifted people. We get too caught up in the details and miss the bigger picture. Don't fall for the trap that you need others like you. No you don't. Being smart is only isolating if you isolate yourself. Meaning, it is you who is closing the doors, not others. Open up and listen. It is worth it.

[puddle]

Hi. I've been reading this thread, and thought I would pop in with my two little cents.

I will admit that when first reading, I was sort of dismissive of the problems expressed in this thread. I didn't immediately relate to the feeling of alienation. But when I take a step back, I realize that this is because I am extremely fortunate. I don't feel alienated because I am having those needs met in my life. I have a small group of wonderful and very intelligent friends that I met mostly in college. We "hang out" together online even though we live hours away from one another. We have very different interests and professions, but somehow we all relate really well to one another. I haven't made a friend in 11 years. I'm not sure if I could find new ones if somehow I lost this group of people. I used to think it was sort of funny that all my friends have advanced degrees, but that isn't really a coincidence. While I can have wonderful and fulfilling relationships with people of various intelligences, for me, a truly "kindred spirit" needs to be on a similar level. I understand the disconnect that others have written so eloquently about.

I just thought that I would gently suggest that maybe some of us that don't feel alienated have had the good fortune to stumble upon our own little pockets of fellow aliens to make us feel at home.

Also--as a Texan I have to jump to my state's defense! Not all of it is as scary as you might think (although, admittedly, some parts are). Austin and the surrounding area are very different from the rest of the state!

[Miss Information]

Originally Posted by puddle

Hi. I've been reading this thread, and thought I would pop in with my two little cents.

I have a small group of wonderful and very intelligent friends that I met mostly in college. We "hang out" together online even though we live hours away from one another. We have very different interests and professions, but somehow we all relate really well to one another.

Up until about 6 years ago, my husband and I were the glue that kept our group of college friends together. They'd meet at our house at least 1x a year for a party around Thanksgiving (because everyone was in town visiting family). But, after all of us started having kids, things started changing, because people started having problems finding sitters. Kids definitely change a lot of things.

[Imagery]

I find that I can't rely on any one person to fulfill all my needs and relate to.  I find friends in the various walks of life from custodians to teachers and so forth.  Still I have this part of me that nobody really knows and comprehends.  In that sense I guess I am a bit lonely.  From what I have gathered from your postings, it sounds to me that although you state that you are looking for peers, you are really looking for some people who do not feel threatened by you. How about meeting friends in a coffee shop where you can just communicate without demonstrating your aptitude for music and other abilities? I think you really just need to connect with people on a personal level.  Leave the performance aside for the moment.  I would work on connecting with people on a personal, spiritual, and societal level before searching for peers.  From what I infer of your definition of a peer, that will be extremely hard to find--but maybe you can discover a more meaningful and less lonely existence simply by chatting with other people.  It takes a long time to find good people and I wish you wouldn't be so elitist in your thinking.  In the end it is only goodness that matters.

[kathymuggle]

Originally Posted by StoriesInTheSoil 


I am afraid that there are a lot of hurt feelings and offended people here and this was not at all my intention in starting this thread. I really hope that I haven't made anyone feel bad or ignored in this thread... if I have, would you mind explaining what I've done? I just feel bad that I've started yet another thread that has been derailed with hurt feelings and hostility. :

OT:  It is a trend lately with threads.  I hope it ends soon.  I do not know if it is just on MDC or if the world in general seems angry and hurt.  In any event it is not your fault.

Back to your regularly scheduelled program.

Edited by kathymuggle - 7/14/11 at 11:08am

[moominmamma]

Originally Posted by kathymuggle 

OT:  It is a trend lately with threads.  

This thread is two years old, though, so it's not such a recent trend. 

Miranda

[MittensKittens]

Originally Posted by StoriesInTheSoil 

I think Mensa requires private testing (if this isn't true, please correct me) and that is not something I want to pursue currently. I know my scores and don't really like the feeling I get about IQ testing, generally.

Labyrinth, you asked how I feel giftedness has effected my life and there are so very many answers to that question. I suppose the aspects of my own giftedness that are currently bothersome to me are:

1) My complete and utter inability to function in a school setting, thereby making higher education difficult if not impossible. This is a problem because I do truly miss many aspects of schooling and because I would love to be able to put my brain to use in some sort of practical way.

2) A general feeling of "dumbing down" which I feel might come across in a rude way and is not meant to be taken as such. What I mean is that I feel that in general day-to-day life and internet correspondence I tend to use simpler vocabulary and language than I am capable of and I know that I rarely if ever discuss concepts and ideas that truly captivate my whole mind. I have felt this way for most of my life but for awhile I had a peer group with which I felt I could be as "advanced" (I'm not sure that this is the correct word) as I liked without fear of judgment.

3) The way that I do things and process ideas is very, very different from most people which makes the communication of feelings very difficult for me. I am hugely sensitive to very strange things.

4) I desperately miss the only thing even remotely close to an intellectual AND chronological peer group I've ever had and the whole group (we were more like a family, really) is now in a completely different stage of life than I am so there is a huge space between us. We are still good friends and I see them when possible but it is NOTHING like it used to be and I feel like we never have true, exciting, wonderful conversations anymore. I fear I will never have anything remotely like this again.

Preggie, I feel that we are struggling with many of the same issues. I too fall far outside the 'optimal range' of intellectual giftedness. I have social issues because of my personality and style of communication. The more 'alternative' lifestyle that my family leads including our parenting style and generally natural leanings put another huge gap between myself and 'the majority'. Also, I feel the same about not being able to express my need for contact with others that I can connect with on a different level.

The comment you made about statistics being an indication of availability rings out loud and true for me. My mother always showed me a bell curve when I would cry about having 'no friends' to help illustrate this concept. It is still very emotionally difficult for me to deal with.


Thank you to those that have responded and PMed. I will be exploring some of these options. I am going to think about the possibility of starting a new tribe and try to decide if I feel it would be a positive experience for all involved.

I have not read the rest of the thread yet, but I wanted to say that you are not the only one. Here is a link you might like - it is an organization addressing the emotional and social needs of the gifted:

http://www.sengifted.org/

[Aufilia]

Originally Posted by moominmamma 

This thread is two years old, though, so it's not such a recent trend. 

Miranda

Funny, when I saw this thread title on the list I thought to myself, Gosh, wasn't that a hot topic a couple years back? LOL.
 

[Windmill]

I was disappointed initially when I saw that this thread was old, but now am glad that it has been added to recently. I made a facebook group "Gifted Support", it is for both parents of gifted kids, and gifted adults (and anyone supportive of giftedness for that matter). (My email is [e-mail] if anyone is interested).

Thanks to KittensMittens for the link of sengifted.org :)

And thanks to all who posted as I have enjoyed reading through it.