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Is this Parental Alienation Syndrome? What can we do about it? - Page 3

post #41 of 43
Dude, the child is not calling the mother toxic. People are encouraging the OP to think of the mother as toxic and up the antagonistic ante as a result. Not a good idea IMO.
post #42 of 43
Quote:
Originally Posted by thismama View Post
Dude, the child is not calling the mother toxic. People are encouraging the OP to think of the mother as toxic and up the antagonistic ante as a result. Not a good idea IMO.
The child probably doesn't even know the word toxic...but there are more than a few hints in the OP that she is thinking of her mother as toxic. In any case, when I call the woman toxic, it's based on what I'm seeing/hearing of her relationship with her dd, not her relationship with the OP.

I didn't catch the posts urging the OP to up the antagonistic ante. IME, identifying toxic people in one's life has little or nothing to do with upping the antagonism. It's useful in helping one deal with these people...because dealing with toxic, manipulative people as though they're acting in a rational fashion does not work. You were posting earlier about taking one's own responsibility in a relationship, instead of just labeling people as "toxic"...but when dealing with toxic people (and the OP's dh's ex does sound like one), trying to do that is frequently the least effective way to deal with them. Owning your own mistakes, when the person you're dealing with doesn't do the same thing, simply leaves you in the position of being manipulated and taken advantage of.

This little girl is in for a rough ride, if her mom is going to make her dd responsible for her own emotional state for the rest of her life.
post #43 of 43
"People are encouraging the OP to think of the mother as toxic and up the antagonistic ante as a result."

I don't think the one necessarily follows the other. In my own life, when I've realized that the person I was dealing with was just completely out of the realm of reasonable/fair/sane in their relation to me and/or my loved ones, I have actually been able to be more dispassionate about the situation and more effective at reducing the damage done.
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