DD has started hitting the newborn. What the heck??

[joyfulgrrrl]

DD (28 mos) loves her baby sister. Loves her to death, I always say - she's always hugging, kissing, wanting to hold her. She's a very active spirited toddler, and doesn't really know her own strength, especially relative to our new baby, who is now 5 weeks old.

Anyway, today she's started smacking the baby. DH was lying on the bed with her, reading a book, and the baby was lying on the bed having some naked time. DD just went up to the baby and smacked her right in the head. DH and I both gasped and went 'no!', and she did it again!

Needless to say, we're a bit shocked by this. I was speechless. DH and I obviously spoke to DD, and tried to get her empathizing a bit e.g. would you like it if mama smacked you, but seriously...she's 2. She doesn't get it. So how do we make it clear that it can't happen ever again. What I did later was simply say she wasn't allowed to be close to the baby because I was worried she would smack her, but that's not really meaningful either IMO.

help? Please? I need some ideas for tomorrow!

[_betsy_]

I have a 27 month age difference between my toddler and the baby, who's now 4 months old. In the begining, wwe had to have LOTS of talks about being gentle with the baby, and hands are not for hitting, and tot ouch her nice. We let DD1 "hold" DD2 (completely supervised and baby was supported 99% by an adult, not DD1) a lot in the beginning and what I've found is that when DD1 starts to get too in-her-face with the baby, I ask DD1 if she'd like to give the baby a kiss on the head. For some reason, this almost always (like 95% of the time) is enough for DD1, she happily walks away and moves onto something else. No idea why. But maybe if you can find something that satisfies your older child's need to be involved with the baby (and with you) like that, it'll help.

[scbegonias]

We had the same issues with my DD, and she was 35 months at the time. I think with an even younger toddler it may he difficult. We spoke about being gentle, but we also had to help DD work through her feelings...giving up being the only, the new babe taking so much of my time, etc. It was rough for a while. and patience.

[foreverinbluejeans]

How do you know your toddler loves the baby? How does a toddler love a baby?

Pregnant moms will tell toddlers that there is a baby in the belly and don't they love the baby? Kiss the baby? When the baby is born the toddler is told they are the big brother/sister and they love the baby. Kiss the baby. Hold the baby. Be the helper.

The toddler doesn't have a choice. They may not want the baby. They may still be the baby. They may have had to wean or share breastfeeding. Lots of rules change. What's there to like about this.

Of course your toddler doesn't get empathy, she is too young. It's better developmentally if you can wait at least 3.5 years between births but that isn't always practical. Since they are so close in age you are going to have to be extra careful to watch and make sure the baby is OK. You can't make it clear to her. You can't no matter how hard you try. Her brain is not developed enough. I'm trying to make it clear. The baby is your responsibility.

[reezley]

I had the same shock when my two were those ages. DS1 had never hit anyone in his life, then - bop on the head. I agree that part of what's important to do is talk to big sis about her feelings about the new baby and reassure her that you love her, that you want to spend as much time as you can with her (older dd), etc. I wish I knew all the solutions - the only real advice I have is to never leave the two of them alone.