(I think I'll post this in the Birth Trauma also not because it was a traumatic birth but because it didn't go the way I hoped and was an unplanned c-section)
It's long...
___
The day before I went into labor, I felt off and sore. DH and I talked in bed that night before about how though we're committed to a natural birth, we know that sometimes things don't go the way we hope and we both acknowledged that we'd at least be informed going into an unpredictable situation. We also rested in God's timing for when he would arrive - we had desires to have more time before family came for graduation, and I mentally was prepared to go to 42 weeks, hoping for less. I also had a little breakdown that night of the magnitude of the change that would be coming in our lives with our child's birth and realizing things would change forever between DH and I, though not for the bad. Just different.
My water broke around 6 am the next morning, April 30, after a not-so-great night of sleep. I was delighted that he or she would be coming soon. I ate some protein and whole wheat biscuits right away and drank water and gatorade. I called the midwife around 7 am to let her know. Contractions started pretty soon after and with in and hour or two, I had to concentrate through them. I used contractionmaster.com and sat on the ball and worked through them. By about 11 am, they were about 2-3 min apart, lasting 45 sec to 1 min 15 sec, and while I was serious during them, I wasn't as serious as I thought I needed to be between them to go to the birth center. We had just talked to the midwife and she said to come on in, but I started to think of waiting a bit. Not long after though they continued to get more intense and we decided to go in. Must have been around noon that I got there, and was 4-5 cm and 90% effaced. That was good news, just about where I wanted to be upon admittance. I got in the tub and labored in there for a few hours and got out to be checked again and promptly threw up into the toilet. I had hoped that meant I was in transition and nearing phase two of labor (pushing). The contractions had been radiating around and concentrated in my hips and rear hips and DH applied pressure while he sat in the tub behind me. After getting out, I was checked and was 8 cm. I decided to sit on a short ball in a supported squat facing the bed. These contractions were very difficult but I knew they would be productive so I stayed. I vocalized loudly and low during them and DH kept applying pressure. I was feeling worn out, and my ketones check in my urine showed I was expending more energy than I was absorbing through water and snacks. They offered an IV which I declined for the time being. After an hour or so on the ball, I thought through how I felt, and asked for the IV. I was also thinking, if that had been transition, wouldn't I be ready to push by now? Another hour or so went by on the ball. Lori offered to check me again, and I was 9cm with an anterior lip. She suggested what if I started pushing to get that last cm done and get the lip out of the way. I agreed, so at about 7:20, I started pushing and Lori could feel him come down nicely and felt it wouldn't be long (2 hours or so). It took a little bit to push the right way, and it was maybe after a half hour that the pain became intense and I couldn't relax through it. I was pushing intensely with each contraction, 3-4 pushes with each one, right after the other. Lori wanted me to really push hard to get him past my pubic bone. At some point during labor, he had turned partially posterior, looking left. Maybe it was when I reclined some in the tub during contractions? I don't know. He was in the ideal left anterior (looking he opposite way) position for the last 7 weeks, quite settled. I was breathless after each contraction, and the contractions were 2-3 min apart. The IV by the way helped me and I was glad I took it. By nine, only an hour and 40 min of pushing, Ezra wasn't coming down any further. That hour and 40 min exhausted me with the intensity and little breaks. We tried sitting on the toilet and me leaning back and that helped a little, but he still wouldn't budge, and I was pushing HARD. We also tried with me on my side and it felt even worse. It was purple pushing, though I thankfully never broke any blood vessels. I never wanted to push this way, and never ended up getting an urge to push since he never came down. I could tell by Lori's voice as she encouraged through each contraction that nothing was changing. DH said later he had hoped I wouldn't see by his face that we weren't moving forward. He could see the head with each push, then it would disappear when I finished pushing. There was no "1 step forward". DH prayed out loud for me many times during labor.
Lori was concerned about my strength and energy. Ezra thankfully had consistent strong heart tones the entire time with the intermittent monitoring. I was still expending more energy from the ketone test despite the IV and she mentioned the option of going to the hospital. We talked through the reasons for that, for an epidural to rest and try again in a little while. Lori was going off shift soon and Ann was coming, and she arrived and observed a contraction and pushing. DH and I talked alone and decided to transfer. I was at peace about it, and we headed over after Ann was ready, still having hard contractions. I had 4-5 in the car on the short drive to AGH. I prayed that I would have lighter contractions going in and didn't have any terrible ones on the wheelchair ride up and was thankful for that answered prayer. We got to the room and by then I had lost focus (well, I lost focus long before that) and just tried to get through each contraction. DH went over our hospital birth plan with the nurse and they were cool with everything we wanted that we could have an option on at that point. The Dr. came in with Ann and we talked through options, and he frankly said that he could see this ending in a cesarean even if I did the epi, and there would almost certainly be instrument delivery with the vacuum and wanted to be open about that. Ann said she felt that since we tried various pushing at the birth center with the freedom we had there, pushing with an epi would likely be less productive as I would feel less. Ezra had also ascended higher into the birth canal. I had in my mind the pain I had in pregnancy with symphysis pubis symphosis, the ligament attaching my pelvic bone in the middle. I had chiropractic care and some relief, but I read advice that one should avoid an epi as you would lose the sensation of an injury occurring. If we opted for the section, I'd get a spinal and not an epidural. I admit I had asked which would give me relief soonest. They let DH and I talk it over and I told him I consented to the surgery. DH agreed. They got everything prepped, we really felt that we were in good hands. I liked the doctor, was so thankful to have Ann there. She was wonderful, so supportive. The spinal felt wonderful, it was amazing to have the pain gone, and as I laid there with the divider up as they got me ready, I told Ann I was overwhelmed that this was happening. Me who intensely desired and studied natural childbirth and had plenty of room in my pelvis!
I couldn't believe I was getting a cesarean, she assured me she felt we did the right thing. I had been praying in a whisper for Ezra's health, that God would guide the surgeon's hands, that the spinal would be done well, and more. DH was allowed in shortly after, and when they took Ezra out, we heard him cry and I wept for joy. That was my child! They immediately brought him to DH and he joyfully announced "Ohh....it's a boy!" with such love and emotion. I didn't get a glimpse though, and they took him to clean him, and unfortunately wouldn't bring him back for me to see. I really wanted to see him just out of the womb so that was disappointing.
He was 9lbs 2 oz, 20 in long with 9 apgars. Very pink. Big feet! Blue eyes, soft brown hair.
I was able to nurse within an hour, and he did great. We got great help from the lactation consultants as the next two days were more challenging, but an adjustment in position did the trick. By Saturday afternoon, I was able to get him latched well myself. We came home Sunday night and my mother in law has been here and a huge help. I've been able to rest and recover very well so far, and my mom comes tomorrow. Ezra was back to his birth weight by day 5, and is a very calm baby (probably largely due to his size). He is a delight, is having more awake time after nursing, and we are blessed that he is ours (and in awe that he is ours). God has blessed us exceedingly despite the surgery, and removed any difficulty I might have imagined as a result of a c-section. My milk came in on day 3, which I wondered about it if would be delayed or not. I've fed him all he wants, when he wants, and he's on his own schedule of eating every 3-4 hours with occasional bursts of hunger. I think he had a growth spurt today and fed extra, which I was prepared for (on day 7-10 they say) and he's thriving.
That was long, thanks for reading. It was good to write it out. It took me a while to be ready to recount it all in such detail. I am thankful that I could choose how this went for the most part (obviously not choosing for him to be posterior!) by being informed and knowing my options, and understanding the risks vs benefits. While it's hard to realize the loss of pushing Ezra out myself and seeing him come out and having him laid on me first, I know the day went as God planned.
It's long...
___
The day before I went into labor, I felt off and sore. DH and I talked in bed that night before about how though we're committed to a natural birth, we know that sometimes things don't go the way we hope and we both acknowledged that we'd at least be informed going into an unpredictable situation. We also rested in God's timing for when he would arrive - we had desires to have more time before family came for graduation, and I mentally was prepared to go to 42 weeks, hoping for less. I also had a little breakdown that night of the magnitude of the change that would be coming in our lives with our child's birth and realizing things would change forever between DH and I, though not for the bad. Just different.
My water broke around 6 am the next morning, April 30, after a not-so-great night of sleep. I was delighted that he or she would be coming soon. I ate some protein and whole wheat biscuits right away and drank water and gatorade. I called the midwife around 7 am to let her know. Contractions started pretty soon after and with in and hour or two, I had to concentrate through them. I used contractionmaster.com and sat on the ball and worked through them. By about 11 am, they were about 2-3 min apart, lasting 45 sec to 1 min 15 sec, and while I was serious during them, I wasn't as serious as I thought I needed to be between them to go to the birth center. We had just talked to the midwife and she said to come on in, but I started to think of waiting a bit. Not long after though they continued to get more intense and we decided to go in. Must have been around noon that I got there, and was 4-5 cm and 90% effaced. That was good news, just about where I wanted to be upon admittance. I got in the tub and labored in there for a few hours and got out to be checked again and promptly threw up into the toilet. I had hoped that meant I was in transition and nearing phase two of labor (pushing). The contractions had been radiating around and concentrated in my hips and rear hips and DH applied pressure while he sat in the tub behind me. After getting out, I was checked and was 8 cm. I decided to sit on a short ball in a supported squat facing the bed. These contractions were very difficult but I knew they would be productive so I stayed. I vocalized loudly and low during them and DH kept applying pressure. I was feeling worn out, and my ketones check in my urine showed I was expending more energy than I was absorbing through water and snacks. They offered an IV which I declined for the time being. After an hour or so on the ball, I thought through how I felt, and asked for the IV. I was also thinking, if that had been transition, wouldn't I be ready to push by now? Another hour or so went by on the ball. Lori offered to check me again, and I was 9cm with an anterior lip. She suggested what if I started pushing to get that last cm done and get the lip out of the way. I agreed, so at about 7:20, I started pushing and Lori could feel him come down nicely and felt it wouldn't be long (2 hours or so). It took a little bit to push the right way, and it was maybe after a half hour that the pain became intense and I couldn't relax through it. I was pushing intensely with each contraction, 3-4 pushes with each one, right after the other. Lori wanted me to really push hard to get him past my pubic bone. At some point during labor, he had turned partially posterior, looking left. Maybe it was when I reclined some in the tub during contractions? I don't know. He was in the ideal left anterior (looking he opposite way) position for the last 7 weeks, quite settled. I was breathless after each contraction, and the contractions were 2-3 min apart. The IV by the way helped me and I was glad I took it. By nine, only an hour and 40 min of pushing, Ezra wasn't coming down any further. That hour and 40 min exhausted me with the intensity and little breaks. We tried sitting on the toilet and me leaning back and that helped a little, but he still wouldn't budge, and I was pushing HARD. We also tried with me on my side and it felt even worse. It was purple pushing, though I thankfully never broke any blood vessels. I never wanted to push this way, and never ended up getting an urge to push since he never came down. I could tell by Lori's voice as she encouraged through each contraction that nothing was changing. DH said later he had hoped I wouldn't see by his face that we weren't moving forward. He could see the head with each push, then it would disappear when I finished pushing. There was no "1 step forward". DH prayed out loud for me many times during labor.
Lori was concerned about my strength and energy. Ezra thankfully had consistent strong heart tones the entire time with the intermittent monitoring. I was still expending more energy from the ketone test despite the IV and she mentioned the option of going to the hospital. We talked through the reasons for that, for an epidural to rest and try again in a little while. Lori was going off shift soon and Ann was coming, and she arrived and observed a contraction and pushing. DH and I talked alone and decided to transfer. I was at peace about it, and we headed over after Ann was ready, still having hard contractions. I had 4-5 in the car on the short drive to AGH. I prayed that I would have lighter contractions going in and didn't have any terrible ones on the wheelchair ride up and was thankful for that answered prayer. We got to the room and by then I had lost focus (well, I lost focus long before that) and just tried to get through each contraction. DH went over our hospital birth plan with the nurse and they were cool with everything we wanted that we could have an option on at that point. The Dr. came in with Ann and we talked through options, and he frankly said that he could see this ending in a cesarean even if I did the epi, and there would almost certainly be instrument delivery with the vacuum and wanted to be open about that. Ann said she felt that since we tried various pushing at the birth center with the freedom we had there, pushing with an epi would likely be less productive as I would feel less. Ezra had also ascended higher into the birth canal. I had in my mind the pain I had in pregnancy with symphysis pubis symphosis, the ligament attaching my pelvic bone in the middle. I had chiropractic care and some relief, but I read advice that one should avoid an epi as you would lose the sensation of an injury occurring. If we opted for the section, I'd get a spinal and not an epidural. I admit I had asked which would give me relief soonest. They let DH and I talk it over and I told him I consented to the surgery. DH agreed. They got everything prepped, we really felt that we were in good hands. I liked the doctor, was so thankful to have Ann there. She was wonderful, so supportive. The spinal felt wonderful, it was amazing to have the pain gone, and as I laid there with the divider up as they got me ready, I told Ann I was overwhelmed that this was happening. Me who intensely desired and studied natural childbirth and had plenty of room in my pelvis!
I couldn't believe I was getting a cesarean, she assured me she felt we did the right thing. I had been praying in a whisper for Ezra's health, that God would guide the surgeon's hands, that the spinal would be done well, and more. DH was allowed in shortly after, and when they took Ezra out, we heard him cry and I wept for joy. That was my child! They immediately brought him to DH and he joyfully announced "Ohh....it's a boy!" with such love and emotion. I didn't get a glimpse though, and they took him to clean him, and unfortunately wouldn't bring him back for me to see. I really wanted to see him just out of the womb so that was disappointing.He was 9lbs 2 oz, 20 in long with 9 apgars. Very pink
. Big feet! Blue eyes, soft brown hair.I was able to nurse within an hour, and he did great. We got great help from the lactation consultants as the next two days were more challenging, but an adjustment in position did the trick. By Saturday afternoon, I was able to get him latched well myself. We came home Sunday night and my mother in law has been here and a huge help. I've been able to rest and recover very well so far, and my mom comes tomorrow. Ezra was back to his birth weight by day 5, and is a very calm baby (probably largely due to his size). He is a delight, is having more awake time after nursing, and we are blessed that he is ours (and in awe that he is ours). God has blessed us exceedingly despite the surgery, and removed any difficulty I might have imagined as a result of a c-section. My milk came in on day 3, which I wondered about it if would be delayed or not. I've fed him all he wants, when he wants, and he's on his own schedule of eating every 3-4 hours with occasional bursts of hunger. I think he had a growth spurt today and fed extra, which I was prepared for (on day 7-10 they say) and he's thriving.
That was long, thanks for reading. It was good to write it out. It took me a while to be ready to recount it all in such detail. I am thankful that I could choose how this went for the most part (obviously not choosing for him to be posterior!) by being informed and knowing my options, and understanding the risks vs benefits. While it's hard to realize the loss of pushing Ezra out myself and seeing him come out and having him laid on me first, I know the day went as God planned.
