Torn and Confused

[Shami]

I hope some of you can help me get some perspective. I am 40.5 (I can't believe I am counting my birthdays in halves again as if I were a child) years old. I want to get pregnant again. My DD is 18 months old and nurses like a newborn including "night night nurse"! I don't even count anymore, that's how much she nurses!
I really had my heart set on nursing until she stops. I am completely willing to try to tandem nurse if I had another baby.
The problem is my cycles are whacky and I can't get pregnant. Last month I ovulated on the 28th day of my cycle and then started my period a week later.
I feel so torn and confused. I can't imagine withholding her "night night nurse"! It breaks my heart to think about it. However, my husband and I really want to have more children and I feel so torn. Torn between my sweet baby girl and wanting to have another child. Anyone BTDT? Or anyone just want to tell me what you would do in my shoes?

[ElliesMomma]

are you sure your cycles are wacky b/c of nursing? what are you doing to try to get pregnant, and how long have you been doing it? i turned 41 in april and am currently pregnant. i got pg just by watching for fertile CM, but my cycles weren't wacky. oh and i'm nursing a 3 year old, too.

i understand the bio clock ticking. you can't be sure that night weaning will help you achieve pregnancy though. how did you get pg the first time? if it happened naturally without too much trouble, i would think that could happen again -- you're only two years older than before.

speaking only for myself -- as this is such an individual choice with many factors and variables -- i'm glad we waited until our daughter was almost three. this has enabled her to keep nursing through the pregnancy. from what i've read on these boards, the younger the child is when the mom gets pregnant, the more likely they are to wean during the pregnancy. i want to CLW and tandem, and it looks like i'm going to get through the pg with DD still nursing. i let her nurse overnight, although she's doing it less and less now, and thankfully sleeping mostly through the night (we cosleep). but i give it to her if she wants it.

not much help. sorry. but that was my experience. i wish you luck and many more replies, hopefully more helpful than mine.

[Shami]

I did get pregnant semi easily the first time, miscarried and got preggo quickly after the miscarriage.
I got my first period back about 3 months ago (dd was about 15 months). I use the ovulation testing strips and I watch my CM. I am ovulating but it's late and then my period comes quickly after that. So, I have only been really trying for the last 3 months. Maybe I should just chill out and wait a bit more.
I just don't think dd will understand if I take her nursing away. I have worked so hard to build a trust between us and i can't bear the thought that i may hurt her because I "need" to get pregnant.
Thanks for the encouragement. Your post did help me.

[ElliesMomma]

i'm no expert by any means, but i was part of the 40+ TTC thread for awhile and gleaned some information there (you might want to check it out too-- very friendly group there and loaded with lots of useful info for trying to conceive). one thing i think might be relevant to your situation is that it sounds like you are having a short LP (the lutenal (sp?) phase) after you ovulate. again i'm no expert and i might have some of the numbers slightly wrong, but i believe you need to have like 10 days or ideally 14 days after you ovulate, before you get a period, in order to be able to sustain a pregnancy. if what's happening is that the body is "washing out" the uterus after only a few days after ovulating, any potential embryo from conception won't be able to successfully attach and stay there.

i have no idea if this is related to nursing or not! but just wanted to suggest that you check out the 40+ TTC group for more information and help. many many of the group there are also still nursing toddlers and preschoolers, whilest TTC (and some have conceived and continue to post there as well). i think it's a very helpful group b/c a lot of the women have read a lot about TTC, have experienced many different situations in the TTC journey and overcome obstacles, some with the help of herbs and traditional chinese medicine.

long story short, since you asked what would you do, i would keep nursing your child as you are now, join the 40+ TTC group to ask questions and learn more before planning any next steps in your TTC journey.

three months after PP AF isn't a long time, and at 40, i believe you are not yet desperately short on time to get pregnant. take a few more months to learn more, read Take Charge of Your Fertility, and let your daughter get a few months older. many moms around here believe that waiting to get pregnant until your nursling turns two is ideal.

when i got pregnant, the first "sign" was that my DD told me the milk was "empty". this was at least three days before i missed my period. i tested the day after the "empty" comment, and immediately got scared that she would wean. but knowing what i knew, and the fact that she was about 2.75 years old and could comprehend and converse with me, i just told her to "keep nursing anyway, and the milk will come back." the other thing was to keep offering her nursing throughout the day, and never refuse. these were my strategies for keeping her nursing, even when i suspect i'm dry or close to dry. nowadays i'm awaiting the start of colostrum, and wondering how she is going to react to that.

so there are plenty of concerns, even after you get pregnant, if you are trying to continue a nursing relationship with your first child!

once again i wish you the best of luck!

[hedgehogs4]

You asked what I would do, so here it goes... I would try and nightwean because I would be worried about a limited fertility window. My personal experience was that it wasn't that difficult to do with my son and he adjusted very very quickly. I would think of it as choosing between two gifts - night nursing (a temporary gift) and a sibling (a permanent gift).

[pixiepunk]

you might want to look into ways to naturally increase the length of your LP and see if they work before you consider night-weaning. there are herbs and such that are safe for nursing mamas, and that might be all you need to help extend our LP enough to get you pg. so if it were me i'd try that first.

but you should also read some threads about nursing while pregnant and consider what you will do if it's very uncomfortable to nurse your baby during pregnancy. i wound up night-weaning my DD1 when i got pg with DS because she would freak out at my breast during the night when she wasn't getting any milk. and dry nursing was very uncomfortable for me to boot.

might also want to read adventures in tandem nursing so you'll be prepared for all th possibilities once you are pg. you never know in advance how you or your LO are going to handle nursing during pregnancy,so it's best to be prepared and to know how you'll handle different situations should they arise.