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Therapy Update - Need Advice? - Page 2

post #21 of 27
Do you have a fibromyalsia specialist? Somebody I love (my mom) has fibro, and as it happens, a dear friend of mine is a specialist, and through the years has been able to help her to find the "stuff" that helps her to be less achy and less exhausted in day to day life (when she is under stress, though, typically all bets are off!). Two things that help my mom are exercise (yes, it gets worse for the first ten days or so but then she has HUGE improvement) and deep sleep. For exercise, she just walks. I know that my friend suggests swimming, because it is gentle on the body...but my mom almost drowned three times the summer she turned fourteen, so she doesn't swim. They tried to give her zoloft (first) and paxil (when zoloft didn't work) to regulate her pain response and her sleep, but they didn't work. In the end, what DOES seem to work, though, is St. John's Pleasant Thoughts (a muti-supplement that has vitamns, minerals, herbs, and fatty acids) daily with a liquid cal/mag at night before bed and some nights, calms forte as well. When she sleeps well, she is just overall better off. The nice thing about the St Johns Wort is that it is safe when breastfeeding, and helps both with pain and sleep. Also, type A personalities tend to have fibro the most, and the St. Johns seems to make her a tiny bit less type A.

I mentioned all that because if you haven't tried those things, they may help you to have more energy and less pain. And I know...when are you supposed to exercise with a six month old and a full time job? My mom walks on her lunch hour when she can't walk any other time during her day.

Also, I agree, I would find ways to make your life easier. Don't ask permission, instead, tell him that if you are to have more energy at the end of the week, you need to make changes throughout the week. Hire a homeschooling teen to do the housework if you don't already have somebody helping you with that, a grandma from the local church or senior center as a mother's helper in the evening. Find out what shopping, meal planning, and/or meal prep he can do when he is home...what childcare does HE do when he is home?

Have you talked to a LLL Leader about the drugs they want to put you on? I'd suggest having somebody look the drugs up in Hale, rather than depending on the pediatrician for the okay. True, there are drugs that control bi-polar that CAN have an impact on the baby through breastmilk, but there are also similar drugs (listed as alternatives in Hale) that can be taken with significantly less of an impact. I'd check that out if you think it might help and the St John's doesn't work or isnt an option for you.
post #22 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by Selesai View Post
I thought what pinksparklybarefoot said was really true: isn't it interesting that stepmothers are only parents when it's convenient?

all.
Yes this.
I was and still am flabbergasted that you choose to be in your relationship. I just can't conceive of it. My dh works 50-60 hour weeks, and sometimes goes to get his sons at midnight after a double shift (on non-school nights)...but he would never, EVER in a bazillion years even consider asking me to pack up my 2 kids and drive 1.5 hours round trip to go pick up HIS children. Heck,the first couple months after I have a baby, he wouldn't dream of asking me to WORK, CLEAN or do anything except eat, sleep and nurse/feed the older child. Seriously. A decent man steps up when his wife has a baby, he doesn't guilt her into taking care of his other kids at the expense of her health. :

I'm just....appalled.

I'm not even sure what else to say.
post #23 of 27
Thread Starter 
There is a lot of really great advice here! Thank you so much!!

Bronxmom, that list is soo helpful! No one is very close to us, though. But I may call the one in Lansdale and perhaps they can recommend a colleague that is closer? Worth a try anyway...


Courtney, I will have to look into St. John's. I do know getting proper sleep makes me feel 1000 times better!! Unfortunately it is really hard for me to get into a good sleep, and by time baby gets to bed for the night, I am only getting 4-5 hours of sleep a night. A good night I will get 6. And I know that is my biggest problem right now. I do walk at work when I get a spare moment and that moment isn't used to pump. lol I have found a lot of tricks to help manage my fibro over the years as all the meds they were giving me did nothing or made other things worse, so a few years ago I got off everything and started on a natural road. Unfortunately the things that I found that help the most with my mangement are rest and hot baths... neither of which come easy with a little babe. So I'm trying the best I can...


As for DH stepping up more during the week? He already does do a lot around the house. He cleans the bathrooms and vacuums. He even unloaded the dishwasher a couple of times last week for me. Cooking is split up pretty even between us too. He really has stepped up to helping out around the house. And he is the care provider for DD in the mornings.

I am afraid my exhaustion at the end of the week is no one's fault but my own. I just have not gotten the fibro under control since birth. I have only really had it very manageable for a year. This is actually my first year being able to work full time since I got really sick. Throw into the mix a nursling and I'm kind of back at square one trying to get my pain and exhaustion all balanced again.


As for the thoughts on it is DH's kid and he should be doing the pick up... I am only half on board with it. I have always wanted to provide an equal home to all our children. And DH has always faught me on it, but I told him I would not raise the children separately and so it was important for us all to be a family. DH has really come around to this since DD was born and now it's like I have to prove I still mean it and love his DD just as much or something... And I do love my DSD very much! I'd do anything for her, just like my own DD. But sometimes I feel he should do some things more because well, he is her Dad.

I think as of right now he will be picking her up on Fridays... but it is a sore and sensitive issue between us. I wish the therapist did more like what bronxmom has pointed out and helped facilitate conversation to get us to understand each other instead of sort of point out who needs to step up or whatever. I'm just not loving this guy at all.
post #24 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by courtenay_e View Post
Have you talked to a LLL Leader about the drugs they want to put you on? I'd suggest having somebody look the drugs up in Hale, rather than depending on the pediatrician for the okay. True, there are drugs that control bi-polar that CAN have an impact on the baby through breastmilk, but there are also similar drugs (listed as alternatives in Hale) that can be taken with significantly less of an impact. I'd check that out if you think it might help and the St John's doesn't work or isnt an option for you.
When I had DS, I received very different information from the lactation consultant at the hospital (who had a copy of Hale's) than from the family practice dr that had been prescribing my medications. It might be worth a shot to talk to someone who is well-versed in nursing and meds.

ETA - When I mentioned the bipolar to DH, he was pretty surprised. His mom has it, so he views bipolar as a pretty serious diagnosis. It has been pretty debilitating for her. Are you sure this diagnosis is correct?
post #25 of 27
I think you need a new therapist. Your current one sucks quite frankly.
post #26 of 27
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by pinksprklybarefoot View Post
ETA - When I mentioned the bipolar to DH, he was pretty surprised. His mom has it, so he views bipolar as a pretty serious diagnosis. It has been pretty debilitating for her. Are you sure this diagnosis is correct?
Honestly... I'm not sure. lol I think the pyschologist I was seeing was quick to label me. I was sent to him from the therapist I was seeing for post partum depression and he quickly decided I had bi-polar and wanted to get me on meds. I did do some of my own research on the med and was uncomfortable with the research that it could build up to too high of dosages in the baby and that was part of my decision to not take it.

I have battled depression all of my life, but most people with fibromyalgia have. I have been in therapy on and off over the years and the only consistent label I have received is mania, as in I don't like to sit idle and need projects going on at all times. lol Kind of funny considering how exhausted I am all the time.
post #27 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by Seasons View Post
Yeah. Your therapist is not the boss of you - just an advisor. In your shoes, I'd Just Say No. I'm not sure how much I'd actually work to bring research in to the therpaist, etc - if it makes you feel resentful to have to defend your position, then don't. Just Say No. Set your boundary as "I will not do Friday pickups."
Absolutely. JSMa, you have GOT to take care of yourself mama.
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