January Mamas, Pregnant after Loss or Infertility

[nummies]

Anyone interested in a little support thread? I know that a lot of us here have had a rough road. I fall into both of these catagories and could really use some support and understanding.

Anyone else want to join in?

[ekblad9]

Sure, I'm in. I'm so blessed that I haven't suffered from infertility but I have had one very early miscarriage, lost one twin (sixth pregnancy the other baby was born fine), and most recently lost twins in February. I'm a wreck about this pregnancy. I really am. I'm trying to let go but I'm finding myself very detached from the baby and the pregnancy. I'm making NO plans at all. I can't even think of names even though we've had names since before I was pregnant last time. I just can't attach a name to a baby that may not be mine in this world. I'm just trudging along trying to live day by day. I know (unfortuantely) that lots of you have more experience than I do. I say unfortunately because I am so sorry for your losses and pain. I have gleaned so much information and love from you all throughout the last few months. I don't know what I would have done without the pregnancy loss boards. Anyway....

[nummies]

I'm a wreck about this pregnancy. I really am. I'm trying to let go but I'm finding myself very detached from the baby and the pregnancy. I'm making NO plans at all. I can't even think of names even though we've had names since before I was pregnant last time. I just can't attach a name to a baby that may not be mine in this world. I'm just trudging along trying to live day by day.

This is me exactly. I am trying so hard to put on a brave face but I am just plain scared! I am really trying to enjoy every second of this pregnancy, but it is hard.

[RoseRed]

I would love to join!

I had a 12 week miscarriage in february. Its weird because with that pregnancy I had a feeling that something was wrong and that everything was a little too surreal to be happening. This time around I don't have that feeling. That is a very good comfort.

[zejh]

This is my second pregnancy, but the first one only lasted 6 or 7 weeks (depending on how you date it, etc...) and, yeah, I'm nervous... I had the second HCG blood draw today--the other was Friday. If those numbers look good, I think I'll relax a bit, and I'll relax even more when I've seen a heartbeat... I'm already several days past when I started spotting last time, so I'm feeling cautiously optimistic... (I'll admit, though, I'm still taking my temperature every morning, and it has kind of been a cloud hanging over my head today that my temp was down a bit this morning, though I keep telling myself it probably had more to do with sleeping with the window open when it was on the chilly side last night... Still...

[ekblad9]

OT - Mandie - I love your blog! Beautiful! I have that Widget baby ticker on my blog too

[nummies]

Welcome Bec and Emily!

Bec- That does sound like a comforting feeling.

Emily- I know what you mean about the temping. In some ways it is comforting, but in other ways any change in temp is scary!

Amy- Thank you!

[makeminepink]

While I never lost a baby I suffer from unexplained anovulation and tried for 15 months before getting my BFP and it still does not feel all that real and I am a little detached. I am trying to live in the moment, but inside I am quite scared. We were taking a break, I was not temping, not doing OPKs and really not thinking about having a baby for the first time in 15 months. Well, I ovulated naturally and conceived! But now, I am a nervous wreck.

Here is my backstory:
I don't ovulate on my own ( I always had long cycles but had no idea I was not ovulating) and went through 5 rounds of Clomid. Each cycle I did ovulate, but it always ended in BFN. Our next step was IUI but I always felt IVF would be the only way. I had my HSG on April 9 and was waiting for my insurance company to give the OK for IUI in May or June. On April 19 I had EWCM and thought, "I think I am ovulating!?" I took an OPK to satisfy my curiosity and sure enough, it was positive.

So I had two miracles happen last month, I ovulated and conceived! I think the HSG might have helped with clearing my tubes, but how did I ovulate?

I just want to hold on to my little miracle and hold on to hope.

[nummies]

Originally Posted by makeminepink

While I never lost a baby I suffer from unexplained anovulation and tried for 15 months before getting my BFP and it still does not feel all that real and I am a little detached. I am trying to live in the moment, but inside I am quite scared. We were taking a break, I was not temping, not doing OPKs and really not thinking about having a baby for the first time in 15 months. Well, I ovulated naturally and conceived! But now, I am a nervous wreck.

Here is my backstory:
I don't ovulate on my own ( I always had long cycles but had no idea I was not ovulating) and went through 5 rounds of Clomid. Each cycle I did ovulate, but it always ended in BFN. Our next step was IUI but I always felt IVF would be the only way. I had my HSG on April 9 and was waiting for my insurance company to give the OK for IUI in May or June. On April 19 I had EWCM and thought, "I think I am ovulating!?" I took an OPK to satisfy my curiosity and sure enough, it was positive.

So I had two miracles happen last month, I ovulated and conceived! I think the HSG might have helped with clearing my tubes, but how did I ovulate?

I just want to hold on to my little miracle and hold on to hope.

It took us 15 months to concieve too.

[UmmAbduRahman]

Originally Posted by RoseRed

I would love to join!

I had a 12 week miscarriage in february. Its weird because with that pregnancy I had a feeling that something was wrong and that everything was a little too surreal to be happening. This time around I don't have that feeling. That is a very good comfort.

I had a blighted ovum come out in February and I also didn't feel quite "pregnant" with that pregnancy. I did not really get the usual symptoms.

I just tested positive at home at the end of last week. I'm already more hungry (still breastfeeding 21-month-old DD, so that adds to it) and the fatigue is starting.

I am hopeful, but after a miscarriage, I think it's hard to get your hopes up until at least the three month mark.

This time we're not telling tons of people like we did last time. I'll probably wait until closer to three months for that (except for my parents and best friend)

Best wishes, everybody!

[marinak1977]

I'm in! I went off BC (mirena) over 3 years ago, practiced avoidance (sorta) for about a year, then decided to just let it happen, then started to actually look for O (I think it was january of last year) - nothing!!! It turned out both DH and I had fertility issues, so we changed our diet, started taking supplements and charting (I totally credit the charting, as I think i was totally clueless as to what my fertile days were) and got our first BFP in february. It felt so unreal, but unfortunately just as I found out the pregnancy was already finishing and I miscarried a few days later. It felt like a fluke, and my body felt so broken, but after we waited a month we tried again and I'm here!!! : I feel a lot better now that I know that my hCG is doubling nicely, and we made it past the time of the first loss. However, I am still paranoid a bit. I'm debating whether I want to do an early u/s (my OB scheduled me for 7+ weeks) or whether I'm OK waiting. On one hand, there are some potential costs to the U/S, and it is expensive (my insurance only covers 1 U/S I think), on the other hand effects of the U/S are probably way less dangerous than the effects of the pregnant mom constantly stressing. So... not sure on it here. : Does anyone know how much a U/S costs on average?

I'm really glad to have this support thread!

[nummies]

Originally Posted by marinak1977

Does anyone know how much a U/S costs on average?

I'm really glad to have this support thread!

My ultrasounds cost around $250-300.

So glad to have you here!

Got my last beta drawn today, 7,059! Yeah, that is double what it was with my son at this stage. I am pretty sure that both of those eggs fertilized and we are looking at twins. I'm nervous!!!

[marinak1977]

Mandie, thank you for the thread! I am so glad that your hCG levels are so good!!!! : for a happy healthy pair of squishy babies.

As for the ultrasound, $300 is much better than I feared. DH really wants to see the heartbeat (I think he is stressing as well, and having something to look forward to is helpful for him) I'll see what I feel like closer to the date.

[carmen358]

Thanks for starting this thread!

I had two m/c last year. One at almost 10wks and one at 5wks. I had spotting/cramping with the first pregnancy but saw a healthy heartbeat at 8wks so relaxed. So much for that! However, I do know that seeing the h/b at 8wks does lower your chances of m/c so I don't want to scare anyone.

I'm surprisingly happy and not nearly as stressed as I thought I would be. I really do attribute part of that to weekly acupuncture treatments. They have really balanced my out physically and emotionally. So mostly I'm over the moon excited....with a small pit in my stomach where every once in awhile my fear comes bounding out and floods me. I really want to be happy for right now though...no matter what happens....hard to do, I know.

[jtrt]

I "recognize" several of you from the pregnancy and birth loss forum. It has been a tremendous support for me in the last year.

We have three living children, boys aged 8, 4 and 2, and I am pregnant for the fourth time in 11 months after three consecutive miscarriages. I am taking heparin injections twice a day, baby ASA, Zervalx and Prometrium. Our first three births were with our wonderful midwife so this medicalized route is new to us.

Our first ultrasound is Thursday and I have found myself reading all the babyloss blogs today and crying. I guess I want to make sure I have a familiar place to go if we get bad news on Thursday. I hope with all my heart that JingleBell is alive in here. I look forward to getting to know you all as we turn a new page in this book.

_____________________________________
Amy
Mommy to J- '00, T- '04 and R- '06
8/08 1/09 3/09
"JingleBell" expected 1-08-2010

[marinak1977]

Amy, I'm crossing my fingers and toes so that you get some good news this thursday.

[jtrt]

[QUOTE=marinak1977;13746845]I Does anyone know how much a U/S costs on average?/QUOTE]

I had an u/s at the White Rose Crisis Pregnancy Center here in Dallas in March for an $85 "donation." I found about the clinic through a friend on my homebirth group. It was wonderful to have an affordable alternative to see our baby in between doctor's visits. Perhaps you could call around in your area to see if there are any such pregnancy centers in your area?

[DoulaClara]

Loads of hugs to all mamas. Pregnancy after loss is very nerve wracking. I lost my first baby in 2000, had Gianna in 2007, and lost my third baby in February (at 12 weeks). I range from scared to confident, and sometimes feel numb. I did decide a couple of days ago that I will embrace the baby as it is now- I am pregnant right now, and I will try to enjoy that. I want this baby to grow and survive and thrive, and be in my arms next January, but it's just so far ahead.

[ekblad9]

See, here we go. I was sick, sick, sick Wed, Thurs, Fri, Sat. and yesterday. Today, nothing. I'm completely tired but I haven't been drinking my coffee so that may be why I'm so tired. I wouldn't say I have *no* pregnancy symptoms but I had symptoms (and was even really sick) when I had my miscarriage. So, while I'm grateful I'm not puking I'm worried too....Oy!

[kerrybennysmama]

Its nice to see there is a lot of support here. I am pregnant for the 6th time, 3 losses, 2006, 2007 and April 2009. I got pregnant 3 weeks after my D & C in April and am a nervous wreck. I had about 2 years of infertility after my very first loss and even had fertility treatment. This year I have managed to get pregnant twice on my own. The fertility center has agreed to monitor me with this pregnancy, which is a huge relief because I dont have to wait days for bloodwork and they do 3 early ultrasounds. I have my first this friday to simply look for the sac so I am not too nervous about that one. Two of my losses were chromosomal so I am really hoping the sperm and egg are getting it right this time. I feel so emotionally vulnerable and trying to take it one day at a time. I get nervous between 7-10 weeks as that always seems to be the critical point for me. I am really hoping for a happy ending this time. I wish all of you ladies luck and know how brave you are for having the courage to do "this" again.
looking forward to getting to know all of you.