DD friends with a sugar addict

[laohaire]

I know my point of view isn't shared by all mamas, and that's ok. But I believe sugar (and white flour) is extremely bad for us. DD is exposed to both enough as it is (and despite my feelings about these items, I try not to make a big deal out of either) so now I'm frustrated that DD's new friend constantly exposes her to sugar products.

The friend is very nice to her and is otherwise a positive influence. It's actually not the friend who is a bad influence about the sugar but her mom. Her mom does not go ANYWHERE without a full selection of sugar snacks. The poor kid is completely loaded up at all times. DH and I were stunned the other day when the kid had a meltdown - which is fine, my kid melts down sometimes too - but the mom's reponse was to 1) give her a pill, washed down with juice and 2) bribe her to "be good" with the promise of getting ice cream on the way home. Maybe not too shocking unless you ALSO observed that in the hour leading up to this meltdown, mom fed her a package of Starburst candy, a Snickers bar, and a Coke.

So every time DD sees her friend, she is absolutely flooded with the sugar that her friend (nicely enough) shares with her. We had been seeing this friend about 4 days a week, but the amount of sugar she gets during that time is really affecting her personality, and she's totally addicted now (requesting/demanding sugar at other times and melting down if we say no).

I really don't like this and don't know how to moderate this. For now we're just seeing the friend less, but it's a shame. Wouldn't it be nice to just have some fun without having a ton of sugar involved every time? And I honestly worry for DD's friend. Human beings, especially such little ones, can't possibly metabolize that amount of sugar, artificial flavorings and colorings and so on without consequences.

[MsHiss]

COuld you see the friend, but take healthier snacks to share with her? Maybe something your daughter helps make would make it more appealing? I can't imagine anyone being able to process that amount of sugar! I love snickers (a big weakness) but as much as I love them, I have to split up the bar or make myself sick. I can't imagine how that little girl feels, especially with a pepsi and other candy too.

[Green Eyes]

I understand completely! I'm also anti-refined flour and sugar, and try to minimize the amount of those that we eat.

The other girl's mom is a fool, to bribe or reward with food is a BAD idea that sends the wrong message. The mom is setting her daughter up for obesity and health problems since the kid is going to grow up looking at food for rewards or to make herself feel better. Or, she might get those health problems now eating all that sugar!

What I would do is not something everyone should do... but I would look up how many grams of sugar those foods have.

starburst candy: 1 piece has 3.3g sugar
snickers: 1 bar has 30g sugar
coke: 39g sugar (high-frutose corn syrup)
ice cream: 1/2 cup has 15.3g sugar

If the child had four pieces of starburst candy, her total intake of sugar (from what you listed of a partial day) is already 97.5 grams of sugar!

I would get the girls together and ask them how many teaspoons of sugar do they think is in each item? Then show them the reality and physically spoon out the teaspoons of sugar into a drinking glass. You will end up with almost 1/2 cup of sugar in the glass!

This worked for our daughter when we had a sugar-addict friend of hers staying with us for nine days last year. The friend ate Cheerios for breakfast every morning, so our daughter begged to eat them, too. I let her, of course, but the next day when she wanted them again I showed her how many teaspoons of sugar she would be eating (actually spooned the sugar into a glass) and she was horrified! Then I brought out a candy from her Easter basket and we compared sugars... the cereal had almost the same amount of sugar as the candy bar!

Daughter said she'd rather have a candy bar as a treat and not (essentially) eat one for breakfast every morning! She's very smart about nutrition now, and she wants to stay healthy and slim. Unfortunately, the demonstration didn't have any affect on the other girl, but what can you do? At least my daughter caught on! Maybe the mom would benefit from this demonstration? Then a little speech on refined sugar and immunity... one can of pop/soda will suppress the body's immune function by 40% for six hours!

The only other thing I can think of is to have the child over to your house only, and serve fruit and other healthy snacks, and don't let your daughter go over to their house very much.

I'm also wondering what the heck was the pill that the mom gave her child?

[Unconventional1]

Originally Posted by Green Eyes

The other girl's mom is a fool, to bribe or reward with food is a BAD idea that sends the wrong message. The mom is setting her daughter up for obesity and health problems since the kid is going to grow up looking at food for rewards or to make herself feel better. Or, she might get those health problems now eating all that sugar!

She is also risking that her daughter will have eating disorders as well- such as bulimia or binge eating disorder. I would talk to the mother about your concerns and state that you don't want these items around DD and will she please have healthier snacks for when the girls are together, or tell her you will provide a snack for them.

[dulce de leche]

Yikes! I think we overdo sugar, but we aren't even close to your friend. Honestly, I'd talk to her and just explain how much your dd enjoys hers, but that your dd is very sensitive to sugar and has been consuming a bit too much lately. Enlist her as an ally and ask if she'd be willing to help you by doing snacks with less sugar when the girls play together. You can offer to supply them the first few times, too. Maybe if she thinks of it as helping you out, she won't feel criticized.

[laohaire]

Originally Posted by Green Eyes

I'm also wondering what the heck was the pill that the mom gave her child?

I've been wondering too, and our assumption (based on, well, nothing) was that it was Ritalin or something like that. If that's true, you gotta wonder about what role this sugar avalanche played in whatever diagnosis she might have.

But this is all just a leap, maybe it was an antibiotic for something, dunno.

My girl is 3 and her friend is 4. I like the idea of demonstrating the amount of sugar but I think 1) I need to wait until my DD is older (I don't think she's anywhere near really understanding this yet) and 2) don't feel comfortable doing this in front of the other girl's mother.

For now, the girls pretty much only meet at a public playground, and it's usually DH (rather than me) that goes with DD. I might try sending healthy snacks, maybe it will at least dilute the amount of sugar the kids eat, but despite my strong interest in healthy eating. DD isn't much of a healthy eater anyway (for a variety of reasons, I believe). If we invite them over to our house, I have no reason to believe the mom won't bring the snacks here too (DH says she ALWAYS has a purseful of this stuff). Yikes!

The mom is a smoker too - not exactly a health nut. I think she's a good person and she tries but the only thing we have in common is that our daughters like to play together.

[chaoticzenmom]

I'm one of the "bad influence" parents. We consume WAAAY too much sugar and have been guilty of bringing crap with us. We're not AS bad as most Americans, but bad compared to our friends and our area.

When I see that another parent doesn't allow their children to consume sugar, I limit my own children's sugar around those kids....UNLESS, the kid is getting fake sugar and then I don't allow my kids to have that. It has to be real or nothing. So,when we bring lunch to have with our low sugar friends, I don't pack sugary drinks and candy-ish foods.

If you don't allow your daughter to have those when offered, the other mother may get the hint. If not, then you can gently bring it up. You might say "we enjoy getting together with you, but I'm not comfortable allowing my daughter to have sugary products. We'll have to get together when our children are not eating."

Also,maybe you can bring some good examples of snacks and have enough to share.

She might already feel guilty about too much sugar...or maybe she hasn't seen the connection between the behaviour and the sugar. Maybe some borrowed reading material might help her. If she's not receptive than don't push it. If she is receptive, then it's great for everyone.

[ChetMC]

Treats

You aren't always going to be around to police what your DD eats, and her opportunity to gain access to junk food will only increase as she gets older.

My advice would be to start teaching the difference between food your body needs to grow and be healthy, and foods that you should only have sometimes because they do not help you to grow. Our kids know what foods are healthy, and which foods are treats. They accept that good food should go into your stomach first and that treats go in after. They also respect that there is a limit to how much junk they should eat in the run of a day or a week.

I try not to create a "forbidden fruit" situation. in the long run, you run the risk of producing kids who are desperate to overindulge whenever they get the chance.

One thing I do, is to spoil appetites with good food when I anticipate a high availability of junk. If the kids are full when the come in contact with the crap food they will eat less of it.

We don't keep a lot of treats in the house. The kids recognition treats as special, not something to be expected. I know families who do chocolate milk and fruit juice at home as part of the regular rotation of foods. We save these for treats when we're out. The kids are excited enough for chocolate milk and fruit juice to pass on the pepsi and coke.

[sapphire_chan]

I tend to over estimate sugar. Like I thought cheerios would have like 10 grams/serving and it's 1 gram.

[katiesk]

i think filling up on good food to spoil the appetite for treats is a great idea!