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Experienced twin moms, talk me down! - Page 2

post #21 of 30
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamaeliz View Post
My MW brought up the "born first" thing, and I don't see us keeping it secret. I will tell them their birth story, and probably re-enact it with them, as DD1 and I do as they were born in our bathtub, and we bathe together. Also, my second born twin acts the perfect "baby", but is bigger, and hence, people assume the "older" one. We'll see how it all goes!
Most people assume The Boy is older because he's the boy. One lady even got a little put out when I told her that The Girl was the older of the two. She kept saying "he's probably older, right? he'll protect his baby sister".
post #22 of 30
Quote:
Originally Posted by Beanjeepin View Post
this is going to sound silly, but I see on shows with twins all the time - the "older" thing or the "born first" thing - and it seems to be a big point of contention sometimes. Has anyone tried NOT telling who came first, or is that silly to even think about?
nobody really asks me, and I don't make a big deal of it. Honestly, my first born twin is more of a momma's boy, and my second born is a go-getter, running around like crazy!
post #23 of 30
Quote:
Originally Posted by Beanjeepin View Post
this is going to sound silly, but I see on shows with twins all the time - the "older" thing or the "born first" thing - and it seems to be a big point of contention sometimes. Has anyone tried NOT telling who came first, or is that silly to even think about?
We were just asked about this for the first time tonight, actually. A woman in a restaurant had asked if they were twins (she saw the second baby belatedly after standing in the aisle talking to one twin, and did a quick evaluative double-take), and right away asked, "Who is older?"

I had to think about it for a second or two, not about which baby came first but just what she meant. I mean, they're the same age! But yeah, I answered her. I said, "This one was born first" (which is how I think of it.)

I can't really think one is "older" than the other. To me, they are exactly the same in terms of "how long they've been around." They have always been together, and they came into existence at the same time. There was conception or fertilization and that was that (for awhile), but then that egg split and whoever that would have become was gone, irrevocably gone, in favor of two entities that would become two people. There wasn't one of these twins who then split & made a pair. If that egg hadn't split, NEITHER of these boys would have existed! There is no "older" one of this set; they just weren't, and then they were.

I know what people mean when they ask this question, and I am not a ball buster and wouldn't try to lecture about it, but this is how I think about it and likely will be how I express it to the boys: "N was born first, and then 30 minutes later, L was born."

Funny, but I do sometimes play with the big/little brother language. I think it's the attraction of the wordplay, because twin B was (and is) larger. So I'll refer to him (to twin A) as "Your big Little Brother." And to twin B I will say, "Say hi to your little Big Brother!" Stuff like that. (Or I'll just "talk for them," like saying, "Oh leave me alone, big Little Brother! Don't use my hair to pull up on!" as I pry twin B's fingers from twin A's hair.)

I also continue to use baby A and baby B language, and twin A/twin B. I used it here just to be clear in this thread, though if I'd been talking to my husband about that big/little story I'd have used the babies' names. But in other situations, like in the car when I ask my older daughter if they are sleeping, I'll sometimes ask specifically "Is twin A asleep?" On the one hand, I just like keeping that history a little bit alive. And another factor is that I suspect that hearing their actual NAMES if they are drifting off to sleep might be more likely to rouse them, so I use 'twin A/B' so that I'll hopefully fly under their radar and keep from interfering with their consciousness! More importantly, it seems to keep HER from using their names right then, and she's the one who is facing them and louder and more likely to register with them.

But just last night I remember saying something to my husband about him taking baby B downstairs for a minute....and we do keep that reference alive.


Back to the question: I saw a thread about this on a twin forum elsewhere, and one woman said she'd never tell her kids which one was born first. They never told anyone else who asked, either. They said they didn't know. Another said that one (his name) was born first but that they were pretty sure they'd gotten the babies mixed up when they went home, so no way of knowing that the baby with that name currently WAS the firstborn. (I think that was their way of undermining the information.....you're the older one, but it might actually be your brother because we think we got you switched....and not necessarily true.)

That is interesting and I guess there may be reasons to try to neutralize that issue (my husband tells me that his DZ boy/girl twin nephew & niece definitely milked the "older" thing, with the boy lording it over his twin that he was a whole minute & a half older), but I can't quite grasp holding back that information from these babies. Not to mention feeling like it's important enough a potential issue to be that determined NOT to let the information get out and MAKE it an "issue."
post #24 of 30
Congratulations!

My first set was born at home when my older boys were ages 3 and 1. When I had my second set I had a 5yo, 4yo, and twins that had just turned 2. Don't worry, you can do it!
post #25 of 30
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by purpleheather79 View Post
Congratulations!

My first set was born at home when my older boys were ages 3 and 1. When I had my second set I had a 5yo, 4yo, and twins that had just turned 2. Don't worry, you can do it!
Were you on the AOL cloth diaper or homebirth boards? Somehow your name seems familiar...
post #26 of 30
Quote:
Originally Posted by Beanjeepin View Post
this is going to sound silly, but I see on shows with twins all the time - the "older" thing or the "born first" thing - and it seems to be a big point of contention sometimes. Has anyone tried NOT telling who came first, or is that silly to even think about?
Mine are 3.5 and people ask me this all the time. Now sometimes they ask the girls, and they both stare blankly despite their command of English. I don't see it ever becoming a big deal, really, unless people make it so.

I actually more worry about whether Katie is going to someday feel bad because it was "her fault" (haha) that I had a c-section (Lilly was born vaginally), or that Lilly got to come home from the NICU 2 days earlier than she did. Silly to worry about that, I'm sure, but sometimes it comes up in my mind.
post #27 of 30
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by OGirlieMama View Post
I actually more worry about whether Katie is going to someday feel bad because it was "her fault" (haha) that I had a c-section (Lilly was born vaginally), or that Lilly got to come home from the NICU 2 days earlier than she did. Silly to worry about that, I'm sure, but sometimes it comes up in my mind.
You know what? My mother has never told me if I was section or vaginal, I have no idea. I wondered my first two pregnancies, but never asked her. We do have a *bit of a strained relationship, though, to put it gently.
post #28 of 30
our twin girls are six now! When they were born, we had four older ones - 11, 9, 6 and 4 yrs old - they were a huge help and I don't feel like we "lost" anyone (well, except me!).
Re the who's older question, we liked hearing about other cultures who consider the second born the older one, cuz she was in there further! So, we found the questions of who's older to be strange, but we just answer with N was born first. But it's never been an issue between our girls......one is taller, one is more outgoing, one is.........whatever, they're different people!! :-)
I've been vegan for more than 15 years. I didn't and don't worry about protein, I worry about variety and whole foods vs processing. Mostly, you should make sure you're eating plenty of vitamin-rich food and fiber. My babes were all big and healthy and I never worried about what I was or wasn't eating.

The retreat center community where I led music wanted to get something for us, so I researched and found the BEST big wheeled double stroller that would fold flat and then they purchased it together for us......best money ever spent and no one person could have done it for us! (Tyke Tech Double Trouble, I believe) Our friends got together and purchased six months of diaper service for us - that was so very much appreciated. Meals were brought to us for several weeks after they were born and friends came over to help with laundry or take the older kids out or overnight.

The sleep deprivation was awful. No way around that.
Find a way to nurture your marriage relationship........the challenges will be great, so make sure you keep the foundation strong.

And we think identity of the children is really important. We rarely refer to the girls as "the twins", and certainly not as Twin A or B! They have names, just like the other kids...........

good luck..........relax and enjoy this time............and prepare to accept help.
post #29 of 30
Quote:
Originally Posted by lazucchini View Post
I've been vegan for more than 15 years. I didn't and don't worry about protein, I worry about variety and whole foods vs processing. Mostly, you should make sure you're eating plenty of vitamin-rich food and fiber. My babes were all big and healthy and I never worried about what I was or wasn't eating.
I'm so glad that this worked for you but I don't think it's fair to just outright dismiss research that shows higher consumption of protein to help with pregnancy outcomes (both in singletons and multiples, actually). Which it is really important to make sure one is consuming a high whole food diet it's also a good idea to make sure one is also getting adequate amounts of protein to grow two people. I probably could have eaten Doritos and Coke and grown big and healthy babies because that's just how I'm built (some sort of freakish gestating machine! ) but that doesn't mean everyone can. It's not a bad thing to focus on nutrition during a multiple gestation, especially if she's already having trouble getting enough food.
post #30 of 30
I dont have olders, my twins are my firsts, but I wanted to say congrats! I found out I was having my twins at 19 weeks 5 days also! I went in for my routine ultrasound, and joked with her saying "is it twins? " She asked if there was a reason I asked and I said no, just hoping Then she said, well, we have a surprise for you today, there is TWO! And showed me 2 heads! Youll have a blast, I love love love it! Congrats again!
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