Boys and Girls...are there REAL differences?

[BroodyWoodsgal]

So, we are the TRULY blessed and insanely proud parents of a little girl named Avery. We love her so much and have a blast with her!

We are expecting another in November and as I realize that this pregnancy is FLYING...I am starting to really imagine, "Who is this little person!" - we are so excited to think that we will be ONE MORE, you know?

So, DH really wants a boy this time. Obviously, what's done is done, but he really would like a boy, since this will be our last baby. () We love having a girl...here are the things we love about our baby:

She is so sweet and low key, just an all around peach. She loves to cuddle and read books, she loves to lay in your lap and look at your face while you brush her little hairs. She is a huuuuge lover of sitting around and eating snacks with you, like, sharing an apple or bit of cheese. She is just a love. She loves people, other babies, all animals and being outside.

So...yeah, we love her and as we imagine what the gender of this child is, I have it stuck in my head that "Oh man, another girl would be nice, I love having a girl!" - but then it struck me....I've known some little girls who were NOTHING like my little girl. It has started to dawn on me that I don't love my girl, because she's a girl, I love her because she is who she IS!

So...what do you mamas and papas think? Are there REAL differences between boys and girls? Or is it really a kid to kid thing? If this baby is a boy, will it be super heros and action?? Because I can remember that MY brother loved to play dress up with his three sister and was never into "boy" things.

I knew a woman who had boys who was relaly sensitive to our culture, and what it tends to do to boys...outlining what BOY and GIRL "things" should be...girls HAVE to play with dolls...ALL boys should love trucks and guns, etc...she had some of the nicest, most creative and happiest kids around!

So...tell me, do you agree that our culture tends to create this difference between boys and girls....or do you see a real difference between the two?

[Alyantavid]

I don't know, I don't have any girls and what interaction I do have with young girls, they are different from my boys. But while both my boys love dirtbikes, dirt, super heros, etc, they're so completely different people.

I think there are differences, but I also think alot of times, those differences are pushed along by society.

[Storm Bride]

I think there are differences that generally apply between boys and girls, but when it comes down to specifics, it depends on the kid. Mine:

DS1: He's always been completely uninterested in the "power" stuff (tools, gadgets, toys, etc. of the "Home Improvement" type). He's never been very interested in trucks, trains, construction equipment, etc. He was very verbal - spoke at an earlier age than any other child in the family (I have 8 nieces and nephews), except dd. He's artistic, creative, and still very language-oriented. His weakest academic skill is math (strong, but not as strong as everything else). He does gymnastics and is interested in circus skills (quite a juggler). He plays guitar and sings in the school choir. He also loves swords - always has, and has always played very physically with his friends. He's not particularly aggressive, and never has been. He's always been cuddly and snuggly, and nurturing. He loves little kids and is really, really good with them. He wears a studded belt and chain wallet - with a string of Peek-A-Poohs hanging off it. So...lot of typical "girl" things there, but also some "boy" stuff. (He's also unfazed by being called "gay" - has happened a lot, over his long hair, "3 Musketeers" style hat, pink t-shirt, etc.)

DD: Loves Princesses and butterflies and sparkles and pink. She's very sweet in many ways, and loves to hug and cuddle (but she didn't as a baby, at all). She's got a very "little mama" thing going on with some of her toys, and is looking forward to meeting the baby. She's amazingly verbal (guess all my endless babbling has an impact on my kids). She's also the most aggressive of my kids, in many ways (not physically, particularly). She loves to wrestle with her brothers, and loves to pretend play that she's killing "bad guys" (usually Orcs) and such. Until recently (ds2 has become a handful and a half), she was by far the most difficult of my kids to deal with, and she's very hard to satisfy about many things. She loves being out in the woods, and studying bugs and spiders and slugs and worms, etc. etc. etc. - quite a little naturalist. She's never struck me as particularly "girly", even with the Princess thing.

DS2: He's my "real boy", according to many. He throws things. He breaks things. He doesn't take no for an answer. He screams, yells and hits. He loves trains, trucks, construction machines, and planes...especially planes. He'll also melt into a puddle and stroke a stuffy or look at a baby rabbit, and say "he's sooooo cute" in an adorable little voice. He's the cuddliest of any of my kids. He's the first one to give me hug or kiss, and he says, "I like you" or "I love you" a hundred times a day (my kids are all very affectionate, but ds2 is definitely the most). He was a very late talker (over 2 years old, before he reached even 10 words), but is now "our talker", as dh put it. He also loves sparkles and shiny things, and plays dress-up with his sister's clothes.

So...yeah - my kids all have some traits that are "typical" of their genders...but they've all got some that aren't, as well. I haven't really found the "boys and girls are different" thing to be all that true. I've found the "all kids are different" thing to be 100% accurate, though. I think most of the real gender differences tend to be more in the area of temperament than in interests, etc...and I think the variation from person to person is so great that general gender differences, while genuine, are buried by individual traits. DD, although many call her a "real girl", definitely has some "boy" traits, and the same applies, in reverse, to ds2. DS1 is just...different.

ETA: The pp mentioned superheroes. I will say that ds1 is the world's biggest Spider-Man fan...but he gets the superhero thing from me, and has spent a chunk of the last year reading through my extensive collection of old superhero comics. Both dd and ds2 also love superheroes, particularly Spider-Man, but not with quite the single-minded focus that ds1 has about it.

[mommy68]

There are definitely differences between my son and daughter but they aren't the usual things like boys like trains, cars and legos and girls only like dolls, makeup and hanna montana. My son played with dolls when he was little and he had a play kitchen that he loved. But he also played with legos and other more mainstream "boy" toys and always has and currently will play with his little sister and her stuffed animals almost daily. My DD has played with mostly boy toys since she has a bigger brother but also loves dolls. However, she does not like dressing up and loves getting dirty. She also does not like Hanna Montana or other current "girl" stars. My son is the quiet one and my DD is the loud one. So they have definite differences but they aren't the usual of a girl being the quiet, well mannered one and the boy being the wild, unruly one. Total opposite in my house.

[One_Girl]

I have a girl, but I haven't noticed that her interests are any different than my friend's son's interests. They both love cars, legos, superhero play, dolls, and dress-up. My dd also has a very different tempermant from the one you describe your daughter as having. She has the loving and cuddly parts and can be very helpful and caring which are traits normally reserved for girls, but she also is also independent, determined to have her way, and curious about the whys of everything from mechanics to rules. She is also much tougher and much more resilient than the two little boys we know and she is the one telling them to stop whining and to change how they are looking at things while they are the ones who are more likely to comfort someone and offer them help. She has also decided that she wants to be a doctor and not get married or have children; whereas one of her friends who is a boy is determined to get married, have four kids, and stay at home with his children, the other friend is going to be a superhero.
My gut feeling is that children are mostly children and society influences how they view their roles.

[phathui5]

I do see differences in boys and girls, both mine and the children I watch. Not so much in what they play with, but as for what they play and how they play with it.

[phatchristy]

Originally Posted by phathui5

I do see differences in boys and girls, both mine and the children I watch. Not so much in what they play with, but as for what they play and how they play with it.

Yes, I agree with this too. That is the main difference...they do seem to think a *little bit different*...I started to notice it maybe around the 2 yr mark. Up until then It was pretty much the same.

Someone told me there is some sort of hormonal surge at that point...maybe that is an explanation?

My DSs are just and loving and cuddly as my DDs though, well, my oldest DS perhaps even more than his sisters!

[lach]

I would like to say no, but honestly in watching the boys and girls in my playgroup grow, and in watching kids play on the playground, I have to say yes. It's not so much in the toys they play with (though yes, I've never actually seen the boys fight over a doll while the girls do it every time), as just sort of how they play.

The girls seem... well, not really more cautious... just that they watch a bit before joining in. And then they're just as rambunctious as the boys, but there does seem to be a kind of easing in period that the girls take while they sort of figure things out.

And this is cliche, but all of the little girls I know get very annoyed when their hands get dirty. With my daughter at least this is very much not a nurture thing: I try to show her how to wipe her hands on her pants, and she just freaks out until I wash them!

This is all just from a fairly small sample size, but it's what I've seen.

[Just1More]

My dd and ds are totally different. DD is easier going, DS is not.

I agree, though, it's not what they play with...it's what they play and how they play with it. Like, everything is always taken apart by ds, every thing is cooked and loved by dd. Eventually, that is. It may start out as a gun, but sooner or later it's cooked. It might be paint and crayons at first, but then it's totally disected and thrown around. I dunno.

[limabean]

There may be differences, but for the question you're talking about, I think that whether your baby is a tomboy or girly-girl, or a trucks-and-dinosaurs-boy or a tea-parties-and-dress-up-boy, you'll think that s/he's the perfect addition to your family.

[sunny*pa*mom]

I have 2 boys close in age. They are completely different. My first is kind, considerate, brilliant, easy-going, loving, playful. He will go read a book when the other boys in his preschool class get too loud and rambunctious. He prefers toys like books, puzzles and games over "gender specific" toys like trucks or dolls. My second son is a stereotypical wild child. He loves sports and is a total daredevil. He prefers to play with boys. So, from my perspective, the differences between them are all innate personality traits. They are as different as night and day even though they are both boys from the same parents in the same environment.

[BarnMomma]

My little son came out of the womb with a serious fascination with all things tractors, construction, cars, trucks, you name it. And BELIEVE ME I personally want nothing to do with those things, did not force him into it, did not introduce him to it(no TV), and yet I now have 8 tractors, a backhoe, an excavator, and a dumptruck living in my den.

I believe we are who we are and yes, certain things will lend themselves to the specific gender.

[ann_of_loxley]

I think there are differences, but I also think alot of times, those differences are pushed along by society.

I think there are differences that generally apply between boys and girls, but when it comes down to specifics, it depends on the kid.

I agree with both of these (though they don't say too much different!) hehe.

Steve biddulph does some pretty good books - he has one called 'Raising Boys' and he forwards a book called 'Raising Girls' by Gisela Preuschoff. Both books talk about the fundamental differences between the sexes. We are a different sex so there are real differences. Of course, every child is a different person though and when it comes down to the specifics, the differences are unique to each individual regardles of sex.

[the_lissa]

No I don't think there are big differences, just personality differences. My girl has a more stereotypical boy personality and my boy has a more stereotypical girl personality.

[zinemama]

We don't have TV and neither dh nor I are invested in inculcating our boys with traditional masculine ways. No strictly gendered clothes, toys, play, etc. I had no problem when my 4yo wanted to wear a dress for a summer and they both enjoy cooking and reading.

That said, my two sons (6 and 9 now) enjoy rough-housing, remote-control trucks and airplanes, building lego spaceships, forts, making bows and arrows, skateboarding and tearing around on their bikes in a game they call "Catch the Robber."

We did nothing to encourage or discourage this, it's just the way they are. My boys have a level of energy that I really had to learn to accomodate. Their interests are, for the most part, utterly foreign to me. I had conversations with my friends; they pummel their friends. My friends and I had elaborate games of dress-up involving complicated family structures and storylines we invented. My sons and their friends occasionally do imaginary-based play but it generally involves lego guys being "blasted" off of various space stations.

I could go on. (But the main thing is how much they beat up on each other. They seem utterly incapable of keeping their hands off each other. It is so stupid and irritating. No girl I know is like that).

Now, emotionally, my kids are very different: one cuddly and affectionate, one more reserved. But in terms of the things they like to do: yes, very different from me as a kid and from the girls I know. I honestly thought that any son of mine would be a shy, sensitive little soul, terrible at sports, who I'd have to shepherd through the minefield of "regular" boys at school. But it turns out that, while not exactly "regular" boys themselves (i.e. they are not the crew-cut, hyper-masculine football-playing, violent-video game-watching types), they hold their own just fine.

[Lovemy3babies]

I think there are differences, especially the not so much what they play with, but how they play thing.

My daughter sits on her blow up stools for her cherry blossom market, my boys throw them at each other and blow each other up with them.....

[H & J's Mom]

I have one of each I think for the most part it is simply personality. I’d have to disagree with most of the stereotypes with my kids … my girl didn’t whine more, my boy isn’t “bad”, DS likes momma to kiss it better just as much as DD did, etc.

But from what I’ve seen there are definitely general boy and girl traits that fit most.

A good example from our experience: We were at DS’s friend’s (a girl) 1year b’day party and he and his male cousin played around and showed little interest while she opened presents … until she opened her Tonka truck and loader … both of the boys stopped everything and went to try and help her finish opening it and then fought over playing with them. Now as for the b’day girl, she quickly pushed it aside, let the boys have it and went back to a doll she’d opened earlier.

FWIW – After having DD (and for so long being just us and DD) I couldn’t imagine having a boy … now, I can’t imagine not having DS … he just as cuddly, sweet, and loving as DD is … he’s an amazing little man!

[Viola]

I think that children have different personalities right from the beginning. My first daughter and second daughter had very different personalities. My sister always felt that her 2 sons were easier than at least 2 of her daughters, maybe easier than all 4. She felt like they were laid back and reasonably complacent or at least agreeable when compared to her daughters. My first child cried a lot, nursed like a barracuda, was very clingy and I needed to take her out a lot to help keep her occupied. She nursed very frequently, woke often, only catnapped, didn't sleep through the night until she was 4. My second child was an easygoing laid back slug who slept all the time and barely seemed to nurse. If she had been a boy, I would have been convinced that maybe my sister was right, but she was also a girl. She ended up being very independent and deconstructive, way more adventurous than my first child, more defiant and physical as well. So they had different personalities as babies, and then their personalities changed.

It's hard to really know how much is hormone based and how much are our own attitudes and expectations as well as what they are exposed to in society from the very beginning, that shapes these things. It's really hard to distinguish, unless you could somehow raise children in a cultural and personal relationship vacuum, which of course, you can't.

[foxtrot]

I have a boy and a girl. He came out of the womb loving cars, trucks, construction equipment etc. However, he is very cautious (a PP mentioned how girls are more cautious about joining in, but that was my son), gentle, loving, cuddly, emotional and verbal.

My daughter came out of the womb loving dolls, little people and stuffed animals. She will play with DS's cars and trucks though. She's only 18 months so I still don't know her personality real well, but she's far from cautious, she's reckless and has already been to the ER for stitches (DS is still careful at age 6). She's not nearly as cuddly as he was. She was a biter and she hits and pulls hair. All things my son would never dream of doing.

So in my case it's the choice of toys that differ more than anything else.

[Viola]

Neither of my kids came out of the womb loving any kind of toy. For the longest time, their choice of toys were household objects. We'd just find something that had an interesting shape or color and several textures, and we'd take that along (it was so easy then!). Both my kids loved spoons as toys for awhile. Now I love toys, so I have a bunch, and I like dolls so I buy dolls, but my kids took a long time to warm up to them. Although they did both end up loving stuffed animals and have quite a few.

My 5.5 year old still loves household objects as toys. She used to carry her dad's Leatherman tool around, and she took it to preschool for show and tell. She loves rocks, shells and sticks, and for about a year I had an issue where she was always taking raw eggs out of the fridge and using those as toys. I'd hard cook some eggs for her, but then she'd crack them right away, but she was more careful with the raw ones. Lately she is all about shells, and I have a pocket full of disembodied crab claws that she picked up from the lake beach on Saturday.

If people give them pink Disney princess stuff, they are fine with it. Any toy is fun for awhile. My 5 year old's favorite Christmas present was her toy armor and sword, but she likes to put on make-up too (interestingly enough, I don't). When she got a card for the Disney store, the only thing she wanted to buy was the WALL-E toys. Yet both my children seem to have this concept of boy and girl things, and what can be OK for a girl runs a wide gamut, but if they really think something is for boys, they might reject it. I find it rather maddening. I think part of it is that if it doesn't interest them, but they know a boy who likes it, they might just dismiss it as a boy thing so they don't have to say it's just that they don't like it.