Should I keep trying even if it kills our friendship?

[Ravin]

My best friend since childhood bottle fed her first. She had absolutely no support for breastfeeding, and was told by her doctor that she couldn't breastfeed and take her antidepressant (I did research, this was BS).

She's preganant again. Despite the info I found for her and my willingness to support her any way I can (including going out and helping her in person when the baby is born, for a couple of months if necessary), she still says she's going to bottle feed because she doesn't think she can handle breastfeeding.



She's over her 1st trimester nasty morning sickness + depression now. Should I try again to convince her? She's told me before that she feels guilty about not bf'ing her first DD. I think she can do it, if she's got the support, but I'm the only one, it seems, interested in supporting her.

I want to make the pitch again, but I'm afraid it'll just piss her off and strain our friendship. I'm still recovering from her explosion when I suggested she might want to try cosleeping w/ her second child.

She lives in another state. We have another friend who did breastfeed who lives nearby, I've thought about getting her on the bandwagon about this, but she's not as adamant about it by any means as I am.

When she had her first baby I was in the Navy and childless, so my opinion meant squat. I had some probs when I first started w/ DD, but we got over it and now nursing is wonderful. My friend is convinced, however, that she won't be able to handle breastfeeding.

Should I just let it go, or press the issue?

[TiredX2]

I would probably wait a bit longer and then bring it up again. I, personally, would bring it up as a, "I want you to do what is right for you, but I don't want you feeling guilt over how you feed this baby. If that means you can formula feed and not feel guilty that is great. But, if you want to bfeed, know that I am here for you and chances are it will be much easier this time." Since you don't live near each other, I wouldn't push it too hard.

JMO,
Kay

[traceface]

I think you should bring it up again, gently, when the two of you are having a conversation about the happy/exciting aspects of the new baby's arrival. Remind her that she's expressed regret about not nursing the 1st one. As a friend, you could say, you don't want her to miss out on this amazing experience in life. Maybe just really stress that the difficulties at first pale in comparison to the overall nursing relationship.

Since the two of you go back so many years the friendship would probably survive, even if she does get upset about it.

[DaryLLL]

Perhaps her depression and her lack of enthusiasm for bfing stem from the same root. Some kind of childhood abuse, esp sexual, can lead to bad self-esteem issues, making childbirth, rearing and bfing hard to handle.

[bluesky74]

What about sending a book?

Something like an attatchment parenting book or Dr. Sears' Breastfeeding Book? Send along a note explaining how much you love her and want her to experience one of the most amazing experiences known to mothers if she decided to give it a try...

Many of my mainstreamer friends think I am a bit over the top with breastfeeding issues, and they will even keep facts from me that have anything to do with their using formula. I get annoyed by this as I do all that I can to come across accepting of others' informed choices...

GL - you're a good friend to care so much about he situation.

[rareimer]

i would keep bringing it up, respectfully, throughout her pregnancy. just with little tidbits of information that might change her mind. she might not want to bf her 2nd, because she feels bad that she didn't bf her first, kind of like it would be unfair to do this for her 2nd when she didn't for her first, you know? so maybe tap into that.

all you can really do is keep offering your support, and do all you can do to at least get her to TRY when the baby is born. maybe suggest she try for 2 weeks and just see how it goes. then if she decides to bottlefeed after all, she needn't feel guilty since at least she tried. maybe by then, she'll have decided that this bf'ing thing isn't so bad after all.

you're a good friend. don't give up on her yet. there is still time before the baby is born, i hope she decides to give it a try.