what is high needs?

[sisteeesmama]

I have seen lots of people refer to their kid as high needs, but I don't have anything to compare my dd to to know if that would be something that she is?

[heatherdeg]

*exasperated sigh* You'll know it when you see it! LOL! It's an exaggerated level of attention (not just interaction attention, but attention to planning and how things are done, etc.) necessary for a particular child to keep them stable--or at least not in meltdown/constant upset mode.

I really think that's the only way to sum it all up. Maybe someone else has a better way of saying it.

[Storm Bride]

My easiest way to identify it wouldn't apply to an only...

When one child takes more time and energy and attention than your other children combined, and is still managing to cause more havoc than the other children combined, it's a pretty safe bet that said child is high needs.

I think ds2 is probably high needs...or his brother and sister were both really low needs, and I've never seen anything to suggest that's true. He's one exhausting little guy...

[sisteeesmama]

So maybe like quirky mixed with actual special needs like diet restrictions or something?

[Whistler]

I don't think it always means "special needs". Some kids are so energetic and so intense and so involved and so... so... and even sometimes a personality conflict (they push your buttons all the time) that they are high needs.

It just means they NEED SOMETHING constantly, whether it's a snack or a hug or a toy that's up too high or watching to keep them out of mischief or they're scared of everything or... all of the above!

ETA: Allergies, sensory issues, processing issues, other special needs... these certainly do contribute also. But I don't think they necessarily HAVE to be present to have a high needs kid.

[sisteeesmama]

Well from that definition my dd could be high needs. I thought that was just being the mom of a toddler, though, lol!

She does need something all the time, I literally can't be on the phone.

[GoBecGo]

Yeah, i think my kid is pretty normal. But other mama's with 2 or more tell me she is more demanding that theirs put together. So to them she is high needs.

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by Whistler

I don't think it always means "special needs". Some kids are so energetic and so intense and so involved and so... so... and even sometimes a personality conflict (they push your buttons all the time) that they are high needs.

It just means they NEED SOMETHING constantly, whether it's a snack or a hug or a toy that's up too high or watching to keep them out of mischief or they're scared of everything or... all of the above!

Yes. Yes. Yes. That's ds2. I can't take my eyes off him and it's almost impossible to get anything done. I resort to movies more than I like to admit...and I clean up an insane number of messes.

ETA: Allergies, sensory issues, processing issues, other special needs... these certainly do contribute also. But I don't think they necessarily HAVE to be present to have a high needs kid.

We're starting to wonder about some sensory issues with ds2, and we're also going to look at food sensitivities, but yeah...the only special need I've identified so far is...need. He needs...something...always...except when he's asleep (right now, for example!).

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by GoBecGo

Yeah, i think my kid is pretty normal. But other mama's with 2 or more tell me she is more demanding that theirs put together. So to them she is high needs.

*sigh*
Someone told me that about dd, compared to her twins...ds2 is way more work.

[GoBecGo]

Don't tell me these things Storm Bride, i'm thinking of ttc!!!

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by GoBecGo

Don't tell me these things Storm Bride, i'm thinking of ttc!!!

Hey - I'm pregnant. You have no idea how terrifying that is these days...

[sisteeesmama]

Ok because so far I'm pretty sure that dd doesn't have any special needs like sensory issues or food related isssues, she has even started to eat waaaaaaay better since we started the raw milk which I don't know if that's a coincidence or not.
But like a pp said she is needy. She cannot entertain herself for me to even use the potty. She needs something all the time and I cannot get anything done and when she sleeps for nap time I am so tired I don't even alway bother to do chores, I recover for when she waked up!

She is a delight, funny, cute, precious, sweet, but EXHAUSTING!!!!!

[Whistler]

Originally Posted by sisteeesmama

She is a delight, funny, cute, precious, sweet, but EXHAUSTING!!!!!

Sounds familiar. It is getting better with DD because she can do a lot of things herself now and she is thrilled that she doesn't have to wait for me to get whatever it is that she constantly wants. I try to promote this independence, for instance, putting some snacks in a low cupboard within easy reach, a cup in the bathroom by the sink, clothes and coat on low hooks etc. The more she can do herself, the happier she is and the less of "Mommy, I need..."

She FINALLY quit coming in the bathroom to ask me for stuff. Now she stands outside the door and hollers.

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by sisteeesmama

Ok because so far I'm pretty sure that dd doesn't have any special needs like sensory issues or food related isssues, she has even started to eat waaaaaaay better since we started the raw milk which I don't know if that's a coincidence or not.
But like a pp said she is needy. She cannot entertain herself for me to even use the potty. She needs something all the time and I cannot get anything done and when she sleeps for nap time I am so tired I don't even alway bother to do chores, I recover for when she waked up!

She is a delight, funny, cute, precious, sweet, but EXHAUSTING!!!!!

If she's still a toddler, she may not be exactly high needs. Toddlers, in general, are pretty demanding...but she sounds a lot like my ds2 in a lot of ways.

[radishes]

Here is an article on the Dr. Sears website about the hallmarks of a high needs baby.

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/5/T050400.asp

It fits my daughter to a tee. Sigh. I really love her, but I'm glad she was 2nd kid, because there have been times I wanted to rip my ovaries out. The funny thing is they are such lovable and smart kids, just so intense it is easy as a parent to get touched out, frustrated, exhausted etc.

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by radishes

Here is an article on the Dr. Sears website about the hallmarks of a high needs baby.

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/5/T050400.asp

It fits my daughter to a tee. Sigh. I really love her, but I'm glad she was 2nd kid, because there have been times I wanted to rip my ovaries out. The funny thing is they are such lovable and smart kids, just so intense it is easy as a parent to get touched out, frustrated, exhausted etc.

That was almost exactly my dd (except the always wanting to be held thing - she mostly seemed to want to be put down and left alone...except we had to be there). However, she's much, much easier to deal with than she was. DS2, otoh, was the easiest baby in the world...and he becomes harder to cope with almost daily.

[radishes]

Originally Posted by Storm Bride

That was almost exactly my dd (except the always wanting to be held thing - she mostly seemed to want to be put down and left alone...except we had to be there). However, she's much, much easier to deal with than she was. DS2, otoh, was the easiest baby in the world...and he becomes harder to cope with almost daily.

So funny you say that! My first daughter was a dream baby. She is 7 now and suddenly acting like a nasty little teen. Aargh! On top the the baby!

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by radishes

So funny you say that! My first daughter was a dream baby. She is 7 now and suddenly acting like a nasty little teen. Aargh! On top the the baby!

Yeah - exactly! DS2 sometimes seems like a classic 2 year old, and sometimes like a teenager at their absolute worst.

Oh - I think this is going to be a rough summer...at least at first.

[Lynn08]

Originally Posted by radishes

Here is an article on the Dr. Sears website about the hallmarks of a high needs baby.

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/5/T050400.asp

It fits my daughter to a tee. Sigh. I really love her, but I'm glad she was 2nd kid, because there have been times I wanted to rip my ovaries out. The funny thing is they are such lovable and smart kids, just so intense it is easy as a parent to get touched out, frustrated, exhausted etc.

Ha! I never thought about my lo as "high needs" until I read this article! Seriously, the only one she didn't 100% fit was the "Awakens Frequently" - she has pretty much always slept like a champ (at least at night; the daytime is another story entirely ).

But I always just assumed her "behavior" was due to the fact that we AP - meaning that we don't do all the mainstream things that tend to *break her spirit* (for lack of a better term). At least now I know the truth and can dream of "easier" children in the future.

[mamarootoo]

for the first year of dd1's life, i thought she was an "easy" baby because as long as i was giving her what she needed, she was content.

it wasn't until i realized that most kids didn't need to be held 24/7, nursed 20+ times a day, wake up every 45 minutes and need to be nursed back down, etc. that i read The Fussy Baby Book by Dr. Sears.
then i figured out why my house didn't stay as clean, why i coudn't get anything done, when other SAHMs could.