YMCA worker covered us with a blanket while I was nursing...

[Slabobbin]

I nursed my four year old until she was two and a half and I currently have a nine month old baby who nurses. Today was really the first thing that has happened to me concerning NIP and I'm kind of at a loss as to where to go from here.

My DH and I were working out at the YMCA and had our children in childcare. After I finished my cardio I told DH that I was going to go nurse and would meet back up with him. I went into the childcare and got the baby and sat down in the rocking chair. I think I had said something to the workers to the effect of that I was going to feed the baby. I have nursed her in there before and although I sensed some discomfort, no one has ever said anything to me.

Let me say, just to give a better picture since none of you were there, I am a pretty descreet nurser. I'm not one who sits there with both boobs hanging out flapping in the wind. : I had on a tee-shirt and it was pulled up on one side, right to the baby's mouth/nose area. I don't think you could see any skin at all because what my shirt wasn't cover, my baby was.

I notice (but don't really pay attention to) a YMCA employee talking to one of the nursery workers and then going out of the nursery. I didn't pay attention because nothing was really out of the ordinary. After she left the worker went to the cabinet and got out a blanket. I watched her do this, still not thinking much about it.

Then she comes towards me with the blanket and covers the baby, head and all and tells me that her boss told her to get me a blanket since I was feeding the baby. She was very obviously embarrassed and uncomfortable doing this and it was clear that she was just following orders. She even said something to the effect of "I told her 'yes mam'" and made a face.

Zoe (my baby) immediately pulled the blanket off with one swoop of her arm. She has never been covered to eat, not to mention that I was hot and sweaty and the room was a bit warm. I just took the blanket and draped it over the arm of the chair and continued to nurse until she was finished. Then I got up and handed the blanket to the worker on my way out. I was so shocked that I didn't say anything and I'm not really sure what I would have said even if I would have had my wits about me.

So where do I go from here? I am getting the feeling that contrary to the image they want to present (Christian, family friendly) that they are anything but.

We had an issue earlier that morning where my best friend and I were walking on the walking track and she was pushing her baby in the stroller. Her baby is going through a time where she does not want to be away from mama and my friend is not the type to leave her screaming in childcare. I have no idea why or how the stroller affected anyone (a small umbrella stroller) but after someone left, they called and complained so my friend got a "talking to". We think that the issue is that if you aren't mainstream and don't keep your children properly corralled where they "belong", people just can't handle it.

First I guess I need to find out what the laws in my state are (Tennessee). I don't plan on making an issue of what happened today but I do want to be prepared in case something similar happens again. I have nursed in the nursery a few times and I have nursed in the lobby a few times and this is the first time an issue has been made of it...so it may be this one worker who has a "thing" about nusing.

Advice?

[Carita]

I think in TN, it just says you can NIP up to 12 mo - it doesn't specify whether you should be covered or to what extent.

I think that you shouldn't jump to the conclusion that she was being condescending. Some moms may have appreciated having a blanket for some extra privacy in front of strangers - not all are offended. But obviously it offended you. In the future, you can just say, "no thanks, we are fine, she never keeps a blanket on anyway". :-) I find that people do it because they are the ones who are uneasy most of the time, and they just assume mom is as well.

[tayndrewsmama]

I think if they were trying to be nice, they would have ASKED you if you wanted a blanket, not just given you one and covered her up. I would probably have words with management regarding this for sure. I have noticed that the Y's aren't all that child friendly....unless they are in specific areas and even then I wonder....

[marrymeflyfree]

I would request a chat with both the boss who told the employee to cover you and his/her supervisor...I'd probably start by asking why it was done. If the girl was told to offer you a blanket but misunderstood, that's one thing....if she was told to go cover the nekid heathen who should be using a bottle, that's another! I'd explain the law in TN and remind them that covering a baby in a warm room who is snuggled next to a hot and sweaty mama is not in the babe's best interest. Or your's!

I worked and was very involved in YMCA's in east TN for many years, and still have a ton of friends and contacts with various Y's in the area. PM me if you're on the east side of the state...maybe I can help.

[Breeder]

I'm sorry ... maybe I am misunderstanding.... but she actually covered up your baby while you were holding her?

Boundaries, anyone?

For me that would so not be allowed. I don't care what you were "told" to do, you don't touch my child without my permission. This person's boss does not trump this child's mother. It really doesn't matter if she was being condescending or trying to be helpful. That was over the line.

However, I thought you did beautifully, OP. No need to say anything at all, your DD spoke for you by sweeping off the blanket. You behaved as if nursing is normal, a non-issue. And IMO that is exactly how it should be.

[Slabobbin]

Originally Posted by Carita

I think in TN, it just says you can NIP up to 12 mo - it doesn't specify whether you should be covered or to what extent.

I think that you shouldn't jump to the conclusion that she was being condescending. Some moms may have appreciated having a blanket for some extra privacy in front of strangers - not all are offended. But obviously it offended you. In the future, you can just say, "no thanks, we are fine, she never keeps a blanket on anyway". :-) I find that people do it because they are the ones who are uneasy most of the time, and they just assume mom is as well.

I'm not sure how to explain it because a lot of what happened was silent, uneasy looks and weird energy in the air...neither of those are things that I can articulate online. But I truly don't think that they were just trying to be nice. I don't say that because I was offended...I was honestly more shocked (and a bit amused) more than I was offended.

I didn't post to get everyone all up in arms or to stage a nurse in. My main reason for posting was (A) to see what the laws in TN are and (B) to get advice on what to say/do if it happens again. If someone actually comes up and confronts me, what do I say? I don't necessarly think that I need to be "up in their face" confrontational (not my style unless I am seriously, seriously angry and loose my sh*t) but I am also not going to be a push over.

[Slabobbin]

Originally Posted by Breeder

I'm sorry ... maybe I am misunderstanding.... but she actually covered up your baby while you were holding her?

Boundaries, anyone?

For me that would so not be allowed. I don't care what you were "told" to do, you don't touch my child without my permission. This person's boss does not trump this child's mother. It really doesn't matter if she was being condescending or trying to be helpful. That was over the line.

However, I thought you did beautifully, OP. No need to say anything at all, your DD spoke for you by sweeping off the blanket. You behaved as if nursing is normal, a non-issue. And IMO that is exactly how it should be.

Yes, I was sitting in a rocking chair nursing and she came over with the blanket and draped it completely over the baby, head and all. I wasn't really pissed as much as I was shocked. I'm more upset at the person who told her to do it than I am at the worker who actually did it. The worker has always been friendly and always remembers Zoe's name. I think she was put in a very uncomfortable situation and was just following orders. She was kind of "danged if you do, danged if you don't" because she either had to deal with me (and embarrass herself) or deal with not doing what her boss told her to do. I actually felt for her.

[onlygirls]

http://www.llli.org/Law/Bills35.html

You can only NIP until 12 months in TN?

That is a terrible restriction, but you are still in there since she is 9 months old. I would address it with the director.

[Sagesgirl]

Honestly, I think you handled it pretty well. Zoe took the blanket off, you put it on the chair, the employee was embarrassed. You didn't really need to say anything. I'd be prepared to stick out my hand and physically prevent my child from being covered if it happens again, and just say "We don't use a blanket." If the issue is pressed, inform them that the law backs your right to nurse in public, and be prepared (with phone numbers/e-mail addresses) to take it further.

[limabean]

Originally Posted by Slabobbin

We had an issue earlier that morning where my best friend and I were walking on the walking track and she was pushing her baby in the stroller. Her baby is going through a time where she does not want to be away from mama and my friend is not the type to leave her screaming in childcare. I have no idea why or how the stroller affected anyone (a small umbrella stroller) but after someone left, they called and complained so my friend got a "talking to". We think that the issue is that if you aren't mainstream and don't keep your children properly corralled where they "belong", people just can't handle it.

You've already gotten good comments regarding the NIP.

Regarding your friend with her stroller on the track, my gym has very clear signs stating that children under 14 are not allowed in the exercise part of the facility, so if your gym has a similar policy then I think asking her not to bring her baby on the track was reasonable. She could have just walked outside rather than on the track if the baby needed to be with her during her walk.

[Laur318]

im so sorry this happened. i nurse in a very modest fashion where im never exposed. but i have had people offer me a blanket (even a 9 yr old child did) and my baby is only 5 weeks, and i will NOT cover his innocent face in a blanket because "I" am covered. i dont like conflict -so i just cover my baby's legs with it!

[julie128]

Another thing that is lousy about this is that the boss made an underling do it and wouldn't do it herself. She knew the employee would be embarrassed--I'm sure she didn't do it because she was too embarrassed--and made her do it anyway.

I'd write a letter to whoever is in charge of this Y. You don't even have to state the law, but state how you AND YOUR BABY were treated badly by employees of the Y.

[Slabobbin]

I agree that it was lousy for the boss to make the nursery lady do the deed. She was obviously embarrassed and unsure of how to handle it. I think that is why she just kind of draped the blanket over Zoe and walked away quickly...she was really uncomfortable.

[yarngoddess]

I think this is a strange situation! It's not that the worker WANTED you to cover up- and it's the SUPERVISOR that was behaving very cowardly by telling the employee to cover you up. I think that this supervisor is possibly someone that isn't aware of breastfeeeding or the benefits of! Sounds like you are in a "family gym" kinda place?

I would 1) write a letter to the big boss. Writing a letter is always less confrontational IMO. lol. I would also 2) put copies of the benefits of breastfeeding- ladies room, kids room, where ever you felt comfortable.

In this situation, I don't think anything "needed" to be said. I would build up a few lines in the future that might be easy to remember and non confrontational. "Oh, thanks. We are just fine" or "I realize you are just trying to help, but that actually makes us too hot." I would really write a letter though.

Good for Zoe for pulling the blanket off!!! So cute!

[Jenne]

Okay, I read this last night and was having trouble articulating a post. I'm NMY so I don't have any experience with this but I am in Tennessee. Are you in the middle Tennessee area? I'm just so shocked and appalled for you. I was a Y member until last Fall when frankly some of the new policies just became too much and I felt they had moved too far from their "values".

I know you said you aren't a nurse-in type mama but this is NOT right. Just reading what you wrote makes me so furious! I'd love to help out in anyway I can...

Jenne

[vbactivist]

Originally Posted by onlygirls

http://www.llli.org/Law/Bills35.html

You can only NIP until 12 months in TN?

That is a terrible restriction, but you are still in there since she is 9 months old. I would address it with the director.

hold the phone!!! Are you saying that it's ILLEGAL to nurse in public after 12 months, or just that its' not protected? I do feel there is a difference. If it's illegal, has anyone been arrested for nursing in public after 12 months??

[Jenne]

*My* non-legal, just reading the words on the page interpretation of these-

§68-58-102.
The act of breastfeeding shall not be considered:
(1) Public indecency as defined in §39-13-511; or
(2) Nudity, obscene, or sexual conduct as defined in §39-17-901.

§68-58-103.
A unit of local government shall not prohibit breastfeeding in public by local ordinance.

Is that it is okay to breastfeed in public regardless of age as protected by the above 2 statutes but that the "under 12 months" designation is a special protection. I have NO idea if this is correct interpretation.

What really galls me is the pumping statute that states if an employer is disrupted by giving a pumping mother breaks to pump then it doesn't have to. Gah!

What I like about the breastfeeding statute is that it doesn't appear to require any type of covering or modesty. At least that is one good thing...a mother is left to choose that for herslef.

Jenne

[Slabobbin]

Actually, I AM the "nurse in" type...I just don't know that this situation is ready for it yet, lol. We are going back to work out today and I'm sure Zoe will want to nurse, so we'll see how it goes.

[jocelynr]

I do think that the situation merits a letter like some pp's have mentioned. Whoever the boss was needs to know that it's not OK to ask someone to cover another person's baby. Even if you never have the problem again or anything, it shouldn't just be ignored. I think you (and Zoe) handled the situation beautifully, just follow up with a letter expressing your concerns/feelings.

[jecombs]

What the lady did to you is not right! And it was downright cowardly of her to make an underling do her dirty work for her.

OP, have you contacted First Right about this incident? They might be able to guide you as to what to do next. Here's their web address:

http://www.firstright.org/

I would also ask the YMCA for a copy of their policy on BFing Moms and how they are to be treated.