kid begging to watch tv. what do I do?

[linz2491]

my 3 year old starts from the minute he wakes up begging to watch tv. He doesn't take no for an answer. which also means that my 8 year old watches it instead of reading/playing/homeschool.

anyway 8 year old was gone today and 3 year old watched several hours of tv.
He fell asleep to it. woke up and was screaming for tv. We went to pick of ds1 and went grocery shopping and got home and he is screaming for tv again. He doesnt' back off. he is whining, shouting, pulling on me. I am close to snapping. He won't stop.

What would be your suggestion for dealing with this? I hate tv we went without it for nearly two years for the most part but other people ruined it by turning it on at their house against my wishes. once ds2 learned about tv at about 2 1/2 there was no going back. then dh insisted it was cheaper to have the cable pack then to just have phone/internet and he guilted me into getting a large screen tv so there is no covering it up anymore.
tia

[LilacMama]

You have to be able to tolerate a large amount of whining/begging without giving in if you're going to discipline (as in "teach") a 3 year old. You should tell him that he can pick out 2 TV shows (or whatever number you are comfortable with) to watch and he can't watch any more. Stick with it. Try to distract with other activities, but if he has a meltdown (or several) over it you need to be sympathetic, but firm. He's 3 and has no idea what's good for him and what's bad for him -- so it's your job to teach him, even if there are tears.

[sweetkid]

We have no T.V days: every other day there is no T.V. My blanket statement for things that are non-negotiable is "I'm not going to change my mind about this".

On T.V. Days I tell dd when a show will be her last one BEFORE it even starts. We usually have transition time T.V.....getting up in the morning, after nap,while Mom makes dinner. If it starts to be more than 2 hours total..I shut it down but my DD is 31 months 2 hours is alot for 2 IMO.

Oh on No T.v Days we put a sign on the T.V that says NO T.V DAY

[jazzharmony]

I would get rid of it. I liken tv to refined sugar - highly addictive and toxic. I think it's a lot to expect a 3yo to self regulate tv. Have a family meeting and discuss the idea. Maybe make a short term plan to see how it works out.

[Grace and Granola]

I so feel for you. My older ds was a tv addict and whined for tv constantly from the time he was 20 months until he was almost 3! It all started after we watched way too much tv during an illness over the course of three days. But he was hooked. I gave in far too often because it was so much easier than listening to the whining. My solution was to just cut out tv for a few days. If you can just pre-occupy him with outings or something for a couple of days, so he doesn't even have the chance to ask. I really had to plan this out. I planned an activity for first thing in the morning. Even if you have to do breakfast in the car because he can't not watch tv while eating. When he wakes up, say ok, we're going to get dressed and go to ____. It will take massive preparation on your part so you can be one step ahead at every turn. Go do your morning activity, like the zoo, museum, visit gramma, whatever you can do that will take several hours. Then, if he naps, come home right before naptime and say, ok to your room for books (or whatever.) Wake up and have some nifty new toy or puzzle, something that he will be excited to dive into. Since it's nice out, you can make a couple hours of your day be outside. Then, dinner, bath, bed....and you made it!

This is what worked for us. We did that for a few days, and it then I gradually allowed tv back into our life. But it was on MY terms, and I made it very predictable. For us, they can watch one or two shows first thing in the morning. Then they can have one show while I take a shower at lunch time, and that's it. (and now they don't even need that or ask for it every time.) And they know those times now. It's my choice if I want to stick a show on so I can prepare dinner in peace. They rarely ask for it outside of those predictable times and can be easily persuaded away from it if I have a creative idea!

Also, in the evenings I started doing "Family Movie Night." And choose a really nifty video. When you do this, it's an event! And you can decide if that's a weekly thing or every few days. But every once in a while, usually when I need it, I'll bring out Fam movie night. So, there is NO TV in the evenings, unless it's this very special event!

My trainer at the gym told me that it takes 21 days to create a habit and 3 days to break one. And I have found that to be true with the tv for my kids. If we ever get back into a rut of more tv than I like, then we just do another three days of little or no tv. It's also helpful if they have grandparents who don't watch alot of tv. I just send my kids to grammas for a weekend, and they don't even think about tv when they're with gramma!

I hope you find something that works. I think you just have to make it through a few very hard days, but hopefully, then it will be worth it!

[NiteNicole]

I think I'd go in another direction...decide on a set time to let him have his fill of unlimited tv. IMO, and for my child, it seems to get old very fast. After he's got enough days in that he's no longer freaking out that it might be gone at any minute, I'd just get involved in more fun stuff. It's hard because at first you have to be so involved...let's play Play Doh, let's paint, let's go outside and play in the splash pool, let's bake cookies, come help me do chores (these are my 3.5 year old's favorite things) - just keep gradually spending more and more time doing other fun things with the tv off and maybe he'll spend less and less time asking for it. I find it also helps for us to do things NOT in the same room with the tv, where it sits, begging to be watched.

This seems to have worked for my daughter. She doesn't wake up asking for tv anymore. I gave her plenty of un-restricted (but carefully screened) tv time, then started involving her in other stuff and either turning the tv way down or off, started taking our day mostly out of the room with the tv, eventually tv was just another thing in the house.

I don't find it hypes her up or leads to bad behavior, I find she watches it when she's tired (won't nap anymore, watches Little Bear at bedtime) or stressed (vacation has gone on just a day too long and she's worn out and ready to be at our house). I am pretty sure if one day I just said ok, that's in, no more! She would really fight it and it would drag out forever. I think kind of phasing it out took less time.

I've never really been super restrictive about tv, it's just something we watch or don't, but we spent some time at my moms and it's on all. dayl. long. She expected the same at home because it was all new stuff and she was excited about it. It wore off pretty quickly. Who can resist play doh and cookies?

It helps me to remember that she won't always be so dependent on other things to entertain her. Sometimes I worry about how much she's watching (when we've had days on end of rain, rain, rain and I'm just out of ideas) and my friend assures me that the tv issue sorts itself out - she says once her kids got old enough to play outside unsupervised or entertain themselves for longer inside (you know, when you don't have to sit over then being the Play Doh Police, lest someone get a headfull of it) they pretty much forgot tv existed.

[octobermom]

Originally Posted by LilacMama

You have to be able to tolerate a large amount of whining/begging without giving in if you're going to discipline (as in "teach") a 3 year old. You should tell him that he can pick out 2 TV shows (or whatever number you are comfortable with) to watch and he can't watch any more. Stick with it. Try to distract with other activities, but if he has a meltdown (or several) over it you need to be sympathetic, but firm. He's 3 and has no idea what's good for him and what's bad for him -- so it's your job to teach him, even if there are tears.

This also replace some of the the TV time with other special activities games.

[NiteNicole]

Originally Posted by Heatherb917

I so feel for you. My older ds was a tv addict and whined for tv constantly from the time he was 20 months until he was almost 3! It all started after we watched way too much tv during an illness over the course of three days. But he was hooked. I gave in far too often because it was so much easier than listening to the whining. My solution was to just cut out tv for a few days. If you can just pre-occupy him with outings or something for a couple of days, so he doesn't even have the chance to ask. I really had to plan this out. I planned an activity for first thing in the morning. Even if you have to do breakfast in the car because he can't not watch tv while eating. When he wakes up, say ok, we're going to get dressed and go to ____. It will take massive preparation on your part so you can be one step ahead at every turn. Go do your morning activity, like the zoo, museum, visit gramma, whatever you can do that will take several hours. Then, if he naps, come home right before naptime and say, ok to your room for books (or whatever.) Wake up and have some nifty new toy or puzzle, something that he will be excited to dive into. Since it's nice out, you can make a couple hours of your day be outside. Then, dinner, bath, bed....and you made it!

This is what worked for us. We did that for a few days, and it then I gradually allowed tv back into our life. But it was on MY terms, and I made it very predictable. For us, they can watch one or two shows first thing in the morning. Then they can have one show while I take a shower at lunch time, and that's it. (and now they don't even need that or ask for it every time.) And they know those times now. It's my choice if I want to stick a show on so I can prepare dinner in peace. They rarely ask for it outside of those predictable times and can be easily persuaded away from it if I have a creative idea!

Also, in the evenings I started doing "Family Movie Night." And choose a really nifty video. When you do this, it's an event! And you can decide if that's a weekly thing or every few days. But every once in a while, usually when I need it, I'll bring out Fam movie night. So, there is NO TV in the evenings, unless it's this very special event!

My trainer at the gym told me that it takes 21 days to create a habit and 3 days to break one. And I have found that to be true with the tv for my kids. If we ever get back into a rut of more tv than I like, then we just do another three days of little or no tv. It's also helpful if they have grandparents who don't watch alot of tv. I just send my kids to grammas for a weekend, and they don't even think about tv when they're with gramma!

I hope you find something that works. I think you just have to make it through a few very hard days, but hopefully, then it will be worth it!

This was posted while I was typing and I think it's a really great idea as well. I know that I'm not often successful with my 3.5 year old when I tell her she has to just stop doing X without providing Y to fill the gaps.

[rzberrymom]

Originally Posted by jazzharmony

I would get rid of it. I liken tv to refined sugar - highly addictive and toxic. I think it's a lot to expect a 3yo to self regulate tv.

I was a tv addict until about 5 years ago--if I couldn't self-regulate very well as an adult, I imagine how hard it must be for a very small child.

[hempmama]

I would unplug the TV while the children are awake, and get out of the house more. That whining/yelling is not going to stop so long as 1) it works even 1 in 100 times to get him tv and 2) there is no enticing replacement activity.

[PikkuMyy]

Originally Posted by hempmama

I would unplug the TV while the children are awake, and get out of the house more. That whining/yelling is not going to stop so long as 1) it works even 1 in 100 times to get him tv and 2) there is no enticing replacement activity.

Yes.

I would try the PP's suggestion of just having no TV while kids are awake for a good amount of time - a few weeks even. And then if you want to, reinstate it with very specific parameters.

[waiflywaif]

Personally I think getting rid of the TV is not the way to go, unless you want to for other reasons. Make some rules about the TV, that both the 3-year-old and the 8-year-old can understand, and stick to them. A cheerful "No, it's not TV time right now," repeated over and over, with suggestions for other activities, can go a long way. If they're really stuck on TV, try and get them playing outside.

He doesn't take no for an answer.

Sure he will. He's 3. You're an adult.

[phathui5]

We have set times that the TV is allowed and not allowed to be on. The kids like to watch PBS early in the morning. We homeschool, so it's off from 8:30-12 in order to get studying done. Noon is usually lunch (thus no TV). 1-3 is nap/quiet reading time. After 3:00, I let ds1 play video games and ds2 usually wants to play with him. Once the schooled neighbor kids come over, it's off again, usually until bedtime.

I would let your three year old know when the TV can be on, and then stick to it.

[mamazee]

I don't limit my dd's TV time. Instead, I woo her away from the TV by giving her something more fun to do. And fun often = messy. Get a tub full of soap suds or soapy water and let him fill up measuring cups and spoons and play in that for a while. That kind of thing. Or finger paints, or cooking, or something like that.

I know that doesn't work in every house with every kid, but it's worked really well for us. My dd now, at 7, seems to only have any interest in the TV when there is bad weather and she's exhausted every other possibility, and even then she gets bored by it quickly. And I no longer have to come up with other ideas very often - as she's gotten older she's taken over that herself.

[2xy]

Getting rid of the TV is disrespectful to the people in the house who enjoy TV without issues.

Can it be moved to another room, somewhat out of sight?

[Norasmomma]

Say no and unplug it. Maybe go outside instead.

We have days where we are lazy and watch movies all day(usually involving rain or snow days). This time of year it is easy to redirect DD, and if she doesn't like it well whatever whine about it. I agree with PP that said you can say no, he's 3 and you are the adult. Pretty much for me that's the end of the story. Believe me I have an almost 3y/o and she has had major meltdowns about this, but I just turn off the power strip, she tries to turn on the TV a few times and then it's over.