I saw something amazing today...

[Boot]

I saw a mother with her 7 children in a big store. She carried the youngest and had the toddler by the hand. The rest were following her. Not a stroller, leash or even a baby carrier in sight. I have to strap my one 2 year old down to a cart in order to go into a store. How does she do it?

[Limabean1975]

Trust. Trust in her children to follow her; trust in her children's own self-protective instincts.
You might be interested in The Continuum Concept (there's a book; there's also a tribe somewhere here on MDC).

[oceanbaby]

My dh would say "Maybe she beats them." Okay, bad joke. But just like you can't label a mom as a "bad mom" just because you witness a bad moment of her parenting, so too can you not a label a mom as a "perfect mom" just because you witness a good moment. There are some days when my kids are perfectly behaved and others when they are just not.

And no disrespect to the pp meant, but I have read the Continuum Concept, and I am not a fan. I trust my children to follow me, and I trust their natural instincts to keep them safe. This is why I never have to count to three or any of that nonsense. But I don't trust that some jerk isn't driving too fast through the parking lot, or that some pedophile isn't lurking around the corner. The author of the CC doesn't even have kids, and my mom knows her - she's a total kook.

Anyhow, I do think it's wonderful to witness those times when it's all working so smoothly.

[dimibella]

Very cool. My kids are pretty tame in public , but I am just overly paranoid. When it's me and the three kids by ourselves running errands, it's baby in the beco, toddler in the stroller, bigger kid holding hands.

[Greenmama2AJ]

I believe in trusting kids to return. It works.

If I tie my DS down (which I do sometimes) he struggles and wants to "escape".

If I trust in him (which I try to do often) he very often exceeds my expectations.

In a dangerous situation like a carpark I would hold his hand for guidance, but because I trust him otherwise he rarely plays up, he knows that it's a special situation. People often comment, "oh look, isn't it amazing how he always looks back, he's checking you're there" - but I've spent many hours training him to follow me by trusting him to do just that. I would definetely expect my older children, who weren't toddlers, to follow me - they're beyond that "running" stage

[UberMama]

Ditto greenmama! I take my three (two 6 y/o's and a 4 y/o) into any store with usually no issues. Before we get out of the van, I tell them that they are to stay near me, listen to me and use their inside voices. When in the store, they remind one another of these rules quite often as I remind them as well. I trust them. I have realized that if I even make them hold my hand "too much" (according to them), that is when they fight and want away from me.. but if I trust them? They stay within reach usually.

[Limabean1975]

Originally Posted by oceanbaby

My dh would say "Maybe she beats them." Okay, bad joke. But just like you can't label a mom as a "bad mom" just because you witness a bad moment of her parenting, so too can you not a label a mom as a "perfect mom" just because you witness a good moment. There are some days when my kids are perfectly behaved and others when they are just not.

And no disrespect to the pp meant, but I have read the Continuum Concept, and I am not a fan. I trust my children to follow me, and I trust their natural instincts to keep them safe. This is why I never have to count to three or any of that nonsense. But I don't trust that some jerk isn't driving too fast through the parking lot, or that some pedophile isn't lurking around the corner. The author of the CC doesn't even have kids, and my mom knows her - she's a total kook.

Anyhow, I do think it's wonderful to witness those times when it's all working so smoothly.

Goog point on the first paragraph.

And I totally agree on the second! I think of TCC as ideas to flesh out as suit modern life/ one's own family etc - for me it is NOT a rule book, no way! And it's just one of many places I get ideas from, I am far from a TCCer!

[ann_of_loxley]

My dh would say "Maybe she beats them." Okay, bad joke. But just like you can't label a mom as a "bad mom" just because you witness a bad moment of her parenting, so too can you not a label a mom as a "perfect mom" just because you witness a good moment. There are some days when my kids are perfectly behaved and others when they are just not.

I agree with that.
Bad joke - but ive made it before myself.

I also agree with what Limabean and Greenmama have said!

[NiteNicole]

Trust. Trust in her children to follow her; trust in her children's own self-protective instincts.

My daughter's instincts all seem to involve diving headfirst off the highest object she can find or hurling herself in front of anything that moves. Eating things off the ground seems pretty important, too.

[Limabean1975]

Originally Posted by NiteNicole

My daughter's instincts all seem to involve diving headfirst off the highest object she can find or hurling herself in front of anything that moves. Eating things off the ground seems pretty important, too.

See what I said above about applying such ideas as they work in your own family.

[Breathless Wonder]

Perhaps she has inherently mellow and/or obedient kids. Some people get lucky that way.

[HarperRose]

Originally Posted by Boot

I saw a mother with her 7 children in a big store. She carried the youngest and had the toddler by the hand. The rest were following her. Not a stroller, leash or even a baby carrier in sight. I have to strap my one 2 year old down to a cart in order to go into a store. How does she do it?

What the heck... Good for her!! I think I'd die of shock if mine did that!

When they were younger it was harder because my older 2 are 18 mos apart and the oldest was a bolter. Now (7 and 9) they follow pretty well. And I either carry, wear, or push the baby (18 mos).

[HarperRose]

Originally Posted by NiteNicole

My daughter's instincts all seem to involve diving headfirst off the highest object she can find or hurling herself in front of anything that moves. Eating things off the ground seems pretty important, too.

I see we have the same child...

[steelmagnolia9]

It's rare and so refreshing to see something like that at the grocery store instead of what I typically run into - "do you want a spanking?". Ugh!

[phathui5]

My children and the kids I do childcare for will do that. I can take out 6/7/8 kids and they'll all walk nicely and stay together. I've always expected them to do that and if someone has trouble listening, I'll hold their hand until they're ready to stay with us on their own.

[burke-a-bee]

Originally Posted by NiteNicole

My daughter's instincts all seem to involve diving headfirst off the highest object she can find or hurling herself in front of anything that moves. Eating things off the ground seems pretty important, too.

Or running out the door when she (my 3yo) feels it is time to go. Or like when I trusted my son to hold on the stroller as we crossed the street yesterday. The minute he saw a car coming he bolted across the street by himself ahead of me.

[Joyster]

Could just be an exceptional moment. I know when I was a kid, I was expected to behave like an angel outside of the house, like malls, restaurants, streets or I'd be so grounded. When we were back in the community and home, I could run wild like a maniac. My 3 year old walks around the supermarket with me no problem. It's a little slower going, but he's not running around causing chaos. Then flash to yesterday he was running amok (with one shoe off-I seriously thought that might slow him down lol) with his school chums at our Mother's Day tea. I envied the moms who's little guys were standing next to them, perfectly still, but was reminded that it's only a snapshot in the day to day and at any given moment, they could be in my shoes. All part in parcel with parenting.

[Joyster]

Originally Posted by NiteNicole

My daughter's instincts all seem to involve diving headfirst off the highest object she can find or hurling herself in front of anything that moves. Eating things off the ground seems pretty important, too.

That's DS2 to a tee. DS1 seems to have pretty good self preservation instincts. It seems like with DS2, my life has a new mandate of preventing him from maiming himself. I was exasperated with him trying to fly out of the grocery cart and asked him a little too loudly today "Are you trying to get yourself killed?" I thought to myself that second 1. I sound waaaay too much like my own mother. 2. That could totally be taken as a threat by someone who knows I wouldn't lay a finger on my guy and 3. Did I really expect an 18 month old to understand this concept.

[cappuccinosmom]

Maybe they were having a really good day. Or maybe she's trained them. Or maybe they like hangin with their mom and have no desire to run away.

My 3 are pretty good in stores. THey like to run *ahead* of me (racing ) but they always boomerang back, especially if I give them jobs to do ("Grab a jar of honey! I need two jars of jam!").

[funkymamajoy]

Maybe she bribes them?
Maybe she taught them how to behave in public?
I think that the 5 older ones probably look out for each other.

I would've asked her for tips.