Thanks everyone for replying.
I know I shouldn't have told him that I wouldn't trust him to be alone with them, I think one of the reasons I was upset that I think I forgot to mention in my original post was a few days before this, she scratched his face and he looked at me and said something along the lines of " If your mom wasn't here, Id spank you, but your mom would get mad at me"
We talked a little more, and I googled gentle discipline and sent him one of the links that came up and he seemed to be okay with it, I probably should have started there in the first place. He mentioned that he thought she should be spanked when she keeps pulling and scratching on his eye and he says no and she keeps doing it. Then I asked him why he would just sit there and let her scratch him, to just get up and tell her that you don't like to being around people who are hurting him and give her a teddy bear to scratch. (I hope thats right, thats what I've been doing when I've been getting bit and it seemed to work.) He got a little upset so we drooped the conversation. He tells me he wouldn't hit her while he was angry... so hopefully I will be able to stop it before it ever happens.
"Kids are Worth It" by Barbara Coloroso & Anthony Wolf's "The Secret of Parenting: How to be in charge of today's kids, from toddlers to teens, without threats or punishments" both weren't available at my library. I have on hold "Parenting from the inside out" by Daniel Seigel "The discipline book" Dr. Sears, & "Becoming the parent you want to be" Laura Davis. Hopefully one of these books will be good. I sent him the Dr sears link too, he says he had already looked it up, but seemed to focus on the bottom part about people who choose to spank, saying "see even sometimes Dr sears thinks spanking is necessary"..
If the conversation comes up again I will send him the AAP link and let him know his is outdated, but as of now I'm just trying to avoid any more arguments and hope I can prevent the spanking from ever happening.
I know I shouldn't have told him that I wouldn't trust him to be alone with them, I think one of the reasons I was upset that I think I forgot to mention in my original post was a few days before this, she scratched his face and he looked at me and said something along the lines of " If your mom wasn't here, Id spank you, but your mom would get mad at me"
We talked a little more, and I googled gentle discipline and sent him one of the links that came up and he seemed to be okay with it, I probably should have started there in the first place. He mentioned that he thought she should be spanked when she keeps pulling and scratching on his eye and he says no and she keeps doing it. Then I asked him why he would just sit there and let her scratch him, to just get up and tell her that you don't like to being around people who are hurting him and give her a teddy bear to scratch. (I hope thats right, thats what I've been doing when I've been getting bit and it seemed to work.) He got a little upset so we drooped the conversation. He tells me he wouldn't hit her while he was angry... so hopefully I will be able to stop it before it ever happens.
"Kids are Worth It" by Barbara Coloroso & Anthony Wolf's "The Secret of Parenting: How to be in charge of today's kids, from toddlers to teens, without threats or punishments" both weren't available at my library. I have on hold "Parenting from the inside out" by Daniel Seigel "The discipline book" Dr. Sears, & "Becoming the parent you want to be" Laura Davis. Hopefully one of these books will be good. I sent him the Dr sears link too, he says he had already looked it up, but seemed to focus on the bottom part about people who choose to spank, saying "see even sometimes Dr sears thinks spanking is necessary"..
If the conversation comes up again I will send him the AAP link and let him know his is outdated, but as of now I'm just trying to avoid any more arguments and hope I can prevent the spanking from ever happening.
It's such a horrible feeling to not feel like a parenting team.. I'm sorry you have to go through this!
) I would get fustrated & storm off), but we were able to be friends again 
