What should my opening sentence be?

[moonglowmama]

Hi-
I have a friend who's pregnant with her first boy (has 2 daughters). I've already sent her a friendly email along the lines of, "I really appreciated the people in our lives who gave me information about circumcision so we could make an informed decision to keep our son intact and I want to do the same for you" along with some links.

That was a few months ago. She's due in August. She hasn't brought it up at all, nor have I since then. So, my question is, how do I ask her about it? My ideas so far have been a casual asking of "have you and dh been able to look at the info I sent you about circumcision?" and offer to answer any questions she might have.

I'm trying not to overthink it, but the truth is I've given the info to so many people without success that I don't want to screw it up. And they are very mainstream in their parenting, and they spank and her dad is a doctor, so it seems like a big obstacle. *sigh*

Anyway, some insight from your more productive attempts would be nice. Thanks!

[fek&fuzz]

Your opening sentence should be "how are you feeling? you look fantastic! are you getting excited? have you thought of names?" That way she'll think that you are about her, and not just her son's foreskin. You've given her the info already, if she has questions or wants to talk about it, she'll bring it up.

[moonglowmama]

I already do all that every time we talk. I guess in my post I was a little hyper-focused on this one area, whereas in real life we're good friends and talk about all the other stuff easily.

[fek&fuzz]

you mentioned that you've given other people the info without success. maybe think about how you approached it with others, what their reaction was, what could have been done differently. that might help guide you here. also, keep in mind how you would want someone to approach you if they were trying to convince you to change a deeply ingrained way of thinking.

[Night_Nurse]

You may want to just print of the "intact care" pamphlet and maybe print of the list of "myths" from a NoCirc website. You may want to mention that while doctors used to recommend circ and recommend pulling back the foreskin and cleaning for intact (non-circed) boys, they now have learned new info and recommend the following:
1- American Academy of Pediatrics does not recommend routine infant circumcision - they are fairly neutral on the issue.
2- AAP does NOT recommend pulling back (retraction) at all until it's normally, naturally occurring (often in young child years but other times not until puberty/late teens). Until the foreskin naturally retracts, all a parent is encouraged to do is wipe what is seen (outside only).

I only say that you may want to mention this as you've said she's mainstream and her father is her doctor. I'm guessing her dad didn't just get out of med school, so he might not be up to date on intact care and AAP recommendations (mainstream America doesn't seem to be).

If she's on the fence you could say a website you visit has a very long thread of moms who regret circing their sons. She can always circ later on if she wants to but she can't undo a circ. No need to rush that decision, she should take her time to fully research it.

[moonglowmama]

Update:
We had a playdate today and I was able to talk with her face to face. It was such an easy conversation- the best I've had yet as an pro-intact mama! It gives me hope again.

She said she had never really thought about the foreskin's purpose and function, and knowing those things convinces her to leave her son intact. Now, hopefully her dh will be receptive to learning what he needs to know to make the decision to leave his son intact. He's currently resistant to hearing anything, but I'm hopeful that with a little conversation and information from his wife, he too will be in agreement.

I'm so glad this forum exists to inform parents of the truths about intact care as well as the reality of circumcision. Thank you all for the support you've given me over the years!!!!!

[Night_Nurse]

Great news!