thank you, intact men, for your helpful input

[mysparklingangels]

I am new here. I just wanted to take a moment to thank the intact men for participating in these discussions, as your input will probably be the most helpful in convincing my husband about what I already know is right. I mentioned in another post that we chose not to circ our son, after many grueling hours of debate. He, of course, was worried about him looking different, but he came around and was okay with the decision.

When our son was 8 mos. old a birth defect was discovered that required surgery and circumsision. By then I was pregnant enough with our daughter that we knew she was a girl, and therefor never had a conversation about another boy and two brothers looking different. We are now expecting our third (by surprise) and are about to revisit this issue. I know already my husband will be concerned with creating a complex in one boy or the other. Honestly, I think he will be more concerned with our circ'ed son.

I am still glad we didn't do it at birth. What a horrible way to be welcomed to life. When it did happen, he was under anesthesia. He fortunately recovered well, and quickly.

Anyway, thanks guys for your input. Hearing your tales of having gone through the locker room and sex, and being happy the way you are is the best evidence for me. I think it will help my husband too.

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

I am sorry your ds ended up circed. Did he by any chance have hypospadious? If he did then it must have been mild to go unnoticed that long.

I hate to even say it but for the benifit of lurkers out there but with mild hypo circ is not recommended.

[mamaof5boys]

Originally Posted by mysparklingangels

I am new here. I just wanted to take a moment to thank the intact men for participating in these discussions, as your input will probably be the most helpful in convincing my husband about what I already know is right. I mentioned in another post that we chose not to circ our son, after many grueling hours of debate. He, of course, was worried about him looking different, but he came around and was okay with the decision.

When our son was 8 mos. old a birth defect was discovered that required surgery and circumsision. By then I was pregnant enough with our daughter that we knew she was a girl, and therefor never had a conversation about another boy and two brothers looking different. We are now expecting our third (by surprise) and are about to revisit this issue. I know already my husband will be concerned with creating a complex in one boy or the other. Honestly, I think he will be more concerned with our circ'ed son.

I am still glad we didn't do it at birth. What a horrible way to be welcomed to life. When it did happen, he was under anesthesia. He fortunately recovered well, and quickly.

Anyway, thanks guys for your input. Hearing your tales of having gone through the locker room and sex, and being happy the way you are is the best evidence for me. I think it will help my husband too.

I completely understand the whole issue regarding having one circ'ed and one not. We unfortunately circ'ed our first son, then I felt we had to do it with the other two. I feel SO horrible for doing that to them! I so wish I would've known more back then! We had two more boys seven years later and did not circ them. We've talked to the older boys about it and it hasn't been an issue at all. Hugs to you! Congrats on your pregnancy!

[Yulia_R]

Originally Posted by MCatLvrMom2A&X

I am sorry your ds ended up circed. Did he by any chance have hypospadious? If he did then it must have been mild to go unnoticed that long.

I hate to even say it but for the benifit of lurkers out there but with mild hypo circ is not recommended.

:

[tutucrazy]

Originally Posted by MCatLvrMom2A&X

I am sorry your ds ended up circed. Did he by any chance have hypospadious? If he did then it must have been mild to go unnoticed that long.

I hate to even say it but for the benifit of lurkers out there but with mild hypo circ is not recommended.

Yes, most hypo does not require circ. If this was the case for your son, I'm sorry you didn't get good counsel from your doctor.

Congratulations on keeping your boy intact and giving him his basic right to genital integrity!

[K703]

You're welcome!

[perspective]

Originally Posted by tutucrazy

Yes, most hypo does not require circ. If this was the case for your son, I'm sorry you didn't get good counsel from your doctor.

Also another point important for lurkers- Even if a baby has a severe case of hypo, extra skin can also be taken from the inner cheek instead of the foreskin. This is a surgery that I believe was created in the UK as another way to get skin for the procedure since the foreskin is not really an option.

Although the OP should not feel bad about this option because its not exactly widely known in the US, so its not fault of hers for not taking such an option. But future parents who face this similar problem should look hard into this option.

[mysparklingangels]

Thank you, perspective, for your sensitivity.

Of course, we consulted many doctors and explored all of our options. My son had two issues that combined to require the surgery, or else his penis would have been useless sexually. The nature of the surgery required circ. Our pediatric urologist was against circumcision and would not have done anything that wasn't required. I did not think I implied that a mild case of hypo required circ, but thank you all for jumping on that.

[tutucrazy]

Originally Posted by mysparklingangels

Thank you, perspective, for your sensitivity.

Of course, we consulted many doctors and explored all of our options. My son had two issues that combined to require the surgery, or else his penis would have been useless sexually. The nature of the surgery required circ. Our pediatric urologist was against circumcision and would not have done anything that wasn't required. I did not think I implied that a mild case of hypo required circ, but thank you all for jumping on that.

I'm curious if you would mind sharing the nature of your son's problems? It could help us a lot to explore some of the more rare things that might happen. The thing is that most genital surgery that is done should be done in adulthood when the penis is fully grown, as the only function a child's penis needs to do is pee. Once a man is an adult he can have genital surgery to correct any problems with sexual function. Also, many times children grow out of things that seem like they could present a problem in adulthood, which is another reason it is a good idea to wait and watch. Basically we tell parents that as long as your son can pee nothing needs to be done in infancy or childhood.

Also, who was the anti-circ urologist. Those are very hard to find so we could take his name down and put it on our list of good doctors.

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

I didnt mean to imply that you felt mild hypo needed circ. We have a lot of lurkers around and I felt it important to mention that fact for them since it is so hard to find good up to date information about hypo.

I am curious though more than mild hypo is very obvious when you see it so that made me think it was mild. If the urethra was on the glans any where then that qualifies as mild.

For it to be moderate to severe enough for surgery the urethra is on the shaft of the penis. Usually chordee, bending of the penis goes along with hypo. Again a mild bend requires no surgery to fix and will often become less pronounced as the boy ages. Severe chordee however does require surgery as it will prevent normal intercourse.

But until he is old enough to have a sexual relationship there is no way to know exactly how much of a fix is needed. Like pp said that is why we usually say if he can urinate then leave it alone and let him decide if/when to have it fixed.

Of course that is just a general rule there may have been more issues that you havnt mentioned so I cant really say in your ds's case.

[mysparklingangels]

The hypo was mild and that was why it went unnoticed. The chordee was severe. Each doctor we consulted, including 2 specialists said it was severe enough that it would not correct itself, as milder cases may. We made the decision to save our son from the agony of having to deal with that as a teen. This is not the same as circing a baby. This was a medically necessary surgery that we decided not to put off. We were very fortunate that he recovered very quickly with no interruption of breastfeeding or sleep.

I understand that you are only trying to educate others, but I am not really interested in having this discussed any further as no one here is a urologist, nor did they see my son's penis. I hope you understand. Perhaps you could start a new thread opening a discussion about hypo and chordee. I don't wish to be the example of what not to do.

I have to say, I am uncomfortable with the way everyone seems so quick to assume I made a rash and uneducated decision. I would not judge a person for waiting on the surgery, nor would I try to publicly point out their folly. I really wish I had never posted.

[tutucrazy]

Originally Posted by mysparklingangels

I understand that you are only trying to educate others, but I am not really interested in having this discussed any further as no one here is a urologist, nor did they see my son's penis. I hope you understand. Perhaps you could start a new thread opening a discussion about hypo and chordee. I don't wish to be the example of what not to do.

I have to say, I am uncomfortable with the way everyone seems so quick to assume I made a rash and uneducated decision. I would not judge a person for waiting on the surgery, nor would I try to publicly point out their folly. I really wish I had never posted.

Oh momma! (((Hugs)))

I'm so sorry you feel attacked. No one here has that intention! We in no way think you made an uneducated decision nor did we want others to believe that.

We just wanted to point out that correcting the sexual function is something that most of us firmly believe should be done when a boy reaches sexual maturity and his penis is fully developed. We have good evidence to support this. Our motto is "If he can pee, do nothing for now". You made a decision based on the information you had at the time. No one faults you for that.

Hope you accept my apology for making you feel less than welcome. We are very happy to have helped you make such a wonderful decision to keep your second son intact!!!! :::

[Night_Nurse]

Originally Posted by tutucrazy

Oh momma! (((Hugs)))

I'm so sorry you feel attacked. No one here has that intention!

:

I'm sure nobody meant their comments to be hurtful or disrespectful to you. You are right, nobody here saw your son's penis nor do they know all of his medical history. We trust you and the doctor did what was in the best interest in the medical care of your son. I'm so sorry you felt attacked. Please just know sometimes we get lots of lurkers (some parents, some not) who might just take the hypo portion of the post and automatically jump to justify circ (and I'm sure sometimes it is warranted). I think some of the people who responded just wanted to make sure lurkers would know circ isn't always indicated for a situation of hypospadius.

I think it's incredibly nice that you came back to thank the intact men who responded to your original concern! I hope you won't shy away from this forum in the future. Congratulations on your pregnancy!