Christians, how do you discipline your children? - Page 4

[sothisislove]

Aimee..thank you for sharing your heart.

Originally Posted by *Aimee*

Thank you so much for the kind responses. I really appreciate them.


My friends except me to spank Ru when he hurts one of their children. So we're going to explain to them that God has led me to not spank. I would love some bible versus to help me explain my thoughts, so I'm going to get to googling.

It sounds like you may have visited gentlechristianmothers.com They have a sticky that addresses the 'spare the rod' verse and it's misinterpretation.

[my3peanuts]

The Bible does not specifically say, "Spare the rod, spoil the child" but there is a verse in Proverbs 23:13-14 that says, "Don't fail to correct your children. They won't die if you spank them. Physical discipline may well save them from death."

This seems very straightforward but I'm wondering if anyone knows what the original meaning of the word "spank" in this context is.

[kay4]

Originally Posted by my3peanuts

The Bible does not specifically say, "Spare the rod, spoil the child" but there is a verse in Proverbs 23:13-14 that says, "Don't fail to correct your children. They won't die if you spank them. Physical discipline may well save them from death."

This seems very straightforward but I'm wondering if anyone knows what the original meaning of the word "spank" in this context is.

it doesn't say that in my bible. It says
13Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die.

14Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.

Based on the other passages dealing with the rod I can't be positive that verse is dealing with an actual rod we are beating our children with

[canadiyank]

Originally Posted by my3peanuts

This seems very straightforward but I'm wondering if anyone knows what the original meaning of the word "spank" in this context is.

Well, it's not "spank" at all - it's "nakah" = "beat."

Here's an explanation:

http://aolff.com/spare-the-rod/proverbs2

[my3peanuts]

Originally Posted by canadiyank

Well, it's not "spank" at all - it's "nakah" = "beat."

Here's an explanation:

http://aolff.com/spare-the-rod/proverbs2

Thanks, I will look into that site.

Just to be clear I am not justifying spanking using this verse. I just would like to have a good understanding of its meaning when I'm debating things like this with my family who are all very pro-spanking and also assume you must spank if you're truly following God's instruction.

[canadiyank]

Sure - no problem. There's lots of information on that site - hope it helps.

[sisteeesmama]

I haven't read the whole thread, but I will, just wanted to respond to the OP's initial post.

I would consider myself a Christian. I love GOd and Jesus and follow Jesus' teachings the best I can and I don't think Jesus would ever have condoned spanking, he was a loving, gentle person and taught that we should be more like children, not spank the badness out of them!

I am SO glad that you prayed about this and I am not at all surprised by the response you got! Praise Jesus! Today is a new day and you have the rest of your lifetime! Atleast you are convicted in your beliefs now, and you have the favor of God behind your decision!

It will never cease to amaze me the ways religious people will find to pervert the message of GOD!


I grew up Southern Baptist, my mom is a reverend as is my dad and I don't remember anything about spanking, it was a non-issue my whole life, but maybe that was just because that was not what they were into? I have heard a lot about Christians and spanking as an adult, though.

[The4OfUs]

Originally Posted by Marylizah

To me obedience is reserved for God. I would not ever want to teach my child to be obedient to all adults, as I feel strongly that we human beings are imperfect and fallible, and telling my child to be obedient to everyone is setting him up for some serious problems with critical thinking, not to mention putting him at risk for abuse of all sorts.

That said-- when I ask my child or my husband to do something I expect *respect*: i.e. an answer to my question. I expect *helpfulness* and I expect *conscientiousness*: these are virtues that I want to instill in my children!

I LOVE this.

Originally Posted by Super Glue Mommy

Yes, it says "CHILDREN obey your parents" not "PARENTS make your children obey" It is God's direction for them, so if they are to do that they are choosing to be obedient to God - this is different then teaching children to just flat out be obedient to all adults, which is dangerous as the previous posted pointed out for several reasons.


<snip>

We are not to force them to obey, they are free to choose to obey. Our obedience belongs to God, as does their own. If they are obeying us because the word says for them to obey us it is still them showing obedience to God. This is all a choice *self* makes for *self* (I decide for me, my children decide for themselves - Ultimately they answer to God, not me.) The problem is when parents take on the role of God, as if they are the substitute teacher instead of a vessel for Him.

And I LOVE, LOVE this.

Even though I no longer am a practicing Christian, I have thoroughly enjoyed this thread as it has progressed.

[Snuzzmom]

I'm not a Christian, but I am so glad to see this thread. We received a terrifying book from our Fundy Christian BIL called Premeditated Parenting (what a title!) that had me fearing for Christian children everywhere.

It's good to know that there are GD Christian options out there. I am tempted to send BIL some links, but I know they would be offended. They have three girls, 10,12 and 14 years old.

[eloise24]

Originally Posted by *Aimee*

My friends except me to spank Ru when he hurts one of their children. So we're going to explain to them that God has led me to not spank.

I know you've already had some discussions with your friends, but I wanted to add another thought. We believe that discipline should be done in private (I work in a group home, so we discipline every day, HA!). In this situation that you are in, I would remove Ru from the room and tell everyone with a smile, that you need to deal with this and you'll return in a few minutes. Go somewhere private and deal with it, however you decide. Then when he's happy and ready to play again, come back into the room.

They don't need to know how you disciplined him . . . it's better for kids not to get sidetracked from what they did wrong, by being embarrassed and it will save you having to explain yourself to others.

We are raising our DD in a group environment (8 group homes on a campus) and all the other staff have young children. And I think they ALL believe in spanking to the point of if I mentioned that we're not going to, they would think that we're going to ruin our daughter. The way we'll avoid most of the conversations is by disciplining in private- something we'd do even IF we were spanking, kwim?

Anyway, thanks for sharing your post! These threads always help me solidify why I believe what I do and how to stand up to others if necessary, about it!

[Danielle13]

Thank you for posting this. I haven't read the whole thing, but am crying. I am a christian and all of our friends use the child training method and spanking as a first resort.

I was sucked in. Its hard because their children are so well behaved and my daughter is spirited to say the least I know they think its because I don't spank her (they don't know about the few times I did)...but I felt really bad after she flinched when I walked towards her : I hope its ok that I say all of this and it doesn't go against mdc code...

anyways, I am struggeling. I am reading Grace Based Parenting right now and I really really like it. But I still struggle with the "only way to have godly children is to spank" theory. *sigh* I'll be back tomorrow.

Danielle

[dulce de leche]

Danielle

[canadiyank]

(((Danielle))) It is a hard thing to get past - our culture as Christians is totally ingrained with having to punish, which is really illogical if you think our entire identity as Christians is b/c *Jesus* took all the punishment for us on the cross! But then we turn around and say we must punish our children b/c otherwise they won't learn to obey God? Huh!? *We* can have freedom from our sins through Christ but our children can't?

I still tend to be naturally punitive, even after 7 yrs. of GD. It's ingrained in me and it's hard to overcome - but the good news is it becomes easier and easier to discipline with grace when you have a whole bunch of new tools at your disposal. My first reaction is rarely punitive anymore b/c I have other ways to deal with behaviour. Also, to be honest, the biggest change has been in *me* - I really never understood the concept of grace until I extended it to my children.

Please check out the links for Gentle Christian Mothers (especially the GD and GD FAQs boards - and please don't be discouraged by the fact that there's lots of questions about behaviour - remember, the people posting are the ones struggling and having problems, so don't think, "Whoa, those ladies all have out-of-control children," b/c it's not representative, it's a place for helping) and the articles at AOLFF.

[sbrinton]

I'm struggling with this issue top. I am a Christian. Our family attends a church where many families do spank. My husband believes strongly that it is the right thing to do and we have disciplined our children with spanking.

But I really want to change. Although I've gone along with what everyone around me has said is "right" it never felt right. Increasingly I believe the "rod" should be a parent's guidance, wisdom, instruction, protection, boundaries - I think sometimes correction does involve consequences. But I've never understood how I can on one hand explain to my son that God loves him and does not punish his sin because of Jesus...and then use my other hand to...how does that teach him about God's grace? Isn't it better to walk him through confessing his sin, asking for forgiveness, reconciling with whomever he hurt, making restitution if he damaged something?

I brought this up with my husband tonight and he does not understand where I am at. I want to respect him, but I don't think it is right to continue to hurt our boys. I know that I am going to change. I will stop spanking my sons and hopefully my husband will come around.

[chipper26]

The most important thing I can think to say right now is that these people are teaching their children to betray themselves. They are teaching that their children's emotions not only do not count, but are wrong. That sets them up for some dangerous territory as they get older because they will not trust themselves to make decisions and they will probably be easily influenced by others. We won't even talk about a total lack of self-esteem. That brings on so many problems b/c it's really the foundation for happiness.

How does it make sense to switch a child for not having a joyful heart? I'll beat you to force you to be happy. It's absolute insanity and they are doing SO MUCH psychological damage with this "Pearl" method.

Thank God you see it as wrong and are looking for alternatives. I say follow your heart, like you've been doing. Keep reading and asking questions and do not let someone talk you into something that goes against your basic instincts in the name of God. God gave you instinct and an emotional connection (attachment) to your children for a reason. There is no one formula or one right method to raising a healthy child.

I don't think I could be around these people without saying something. I'd do research first so you have facts to back up your "opinion." Make sure you have some Christian based gentler discipline sources too, b/c they may disregard any secular information.

Good luck!