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Anyone reading Hold On to Your Kids? - Page 2

post #21 of 26
Originally Posted by Anglyn View Post
Although this book is in no way a book about homeschooling, and his own kids are public schooled and of course you can use all this stuff with public schooled kids, I still felt that it really, really reinforced homeschooling for me and further calmed any lingering fears I had that they need peers to be socialized properly. Looking back, my 17 year old hung out mostly with my niece and my bestfriends twin girls when he was little. Why? Becuase thats who happened to be around due to the adult relationships. He didnt really choose his own friends until he went to school. We were very very close until about second or third grade when he began not to want to show any affection to me whatsoever in public. Although, when he wanted to stay over at a friends home, I went to meet the parents and he and the little boy became best friends (still are) and I became very close the entire family, parents and other children included!
I completely agree. We homeschool as well and I was feeling very validated after reading the book.

We are not practicing the techniques formally as of yet (I think we do some of it naturally anyway), but I am trying to get my dh to read this one. This is such a great book for me as a parent and as a provider of mental health services to kids and youth. I talk with parents about lots of the topics in the book and encourage them to follow their gut when it tells them to not let their youth text at the dinner table or spend all their time at their friend's house.
post #22 of 26
I just wanted to say that I didn't get to read too much of this book because someone else had it on hold, so I'm going to be buying it. It wasn't an easy read for me and I read too slow before I had to return it.

I did enjoy what I did read.
post #23 of 26
I picked this up at the library and I'm almost done with it. I have mixed feelings about the book, but an overall good impression. I think in the second half of the book he has some excellent suggestions for keeping emotionally close to one's children, and these suggestions are not difficult to do. I especially like the idea of "collecting" one's children after a separation. It's something that can be easily overlooked in the hectic reality of daily life, but it's an important part of maintaining an attachment.

My mixed feelings come mostly from the start of the book. One example he uses for a "peer attached" child is the child with a daily ritual of walking to school with mom, hand in hand. Mom notices over the course of a single day that the child when nearing school doesn't want to hold mom's hand. Yet later, he talks about not having rituals, not having closeness, that makes peer attachment possible. It doesn't make sense to me that this mother (who might just be for illustrative purposes, not "real") has a ritual in place, has the closeness with her child, yet still loses out to the peer influence.

Some things he discusses under teaching children seems a little streched for me, too. I appreciate what he's saying about education in general, especially the part about lack of parental attachment creating difficulties in the youth we're supposed to be educating, but he seems to think that there's no salvation for these "peer attached" kids if their parents don't do the saving. I know first hand that the right teacher can work magic in these kids.

I've got a few more chapters to read, so I'll update again after I've finished the book.
post #24 of 26
im halfway done with this book and i am loving it so far. it has given me LOTS to think about.. ill post more when im finished.
post #25 of 26
so im done and yes i still love this book so much! it opened by eyes to how i was as a child, peer-oriented off and on. and interestingly enough, i wasnt peer oriented when i had those adult attachments! i still hung out with the same friends when i was adult attached but i had my own voice and limits and was just overall a happier kid/teenager.

also, i have a better understanding of how hard it was for my mom and how she had so much "competition." i feel so grateful for her trying although the peer orientation was usually too strong and she didnt have the knowledge of how to reel me back in.

this book keeps lingering with me in my thoughts when im cooking, cleaning, playing with my daughter, etc.. so much to think about and process. i just feel less stress to push my toddler to be with children all day and just aware of how imperative it is to continue to foster my adult attachment with my child and create our own village. and like others i love his "connection before direction."
post #26 of 26
Thread Starter 
This book has stayed with me through the last months. I want to buy a copy to reread and highlight! I am so happy to report that my 6yo who had started to become peer-attached when the baby arrived, is now successfully reattached to the family. We have no more competition with the neighborhood kids. Today we were on the porch doing his homework and the child he was desperate for a few months ago came calling. He happily said, "I can't play right now, we're doing my homework!" And was completely content to have my attention.

Lots more cooperation, happiness, and peace at home.

We've also been trying more original play:
http://www.enjoyparenting.com/originalplay and that is really helping our connection since we've added the baby.
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