Kids treating parents with disrespect - Page 2

[ann_of_loxley]

In seriousness, often these articles are talking about a very limited view of the word "respect" and are more frequently talking about blind obedience and saying "the right words".

This is the first thing that came to mind when I read the OP - you worded it better than I could have though hehe!

DS prefers Futurama anyhow. hehe

I think parents are also more disrespectful to kids.

I agree with that as well. It seems what parents expect swing one way and then the other. I like the happy middle ground. I show DS respect, he shows me respect - and when we don't/can't then something is out of balance and we can still respect the other for that whilst we try to balance out our lives again! hehe

I also think parents dumping the kids off on media sources insead of being involved.....media sources are being the teacher is part of the problem. That lays be on to the parents.

YES! - Whilst I don't think its tele that terribly influences and causes the problems I do think how media is used a household can indeed have some serious affects. Whilst I don't sit down and watch something like Die Hard with DS around, I don't limit what he does choose to watch (and at the moment that only his thomas tape over and over again lol) - basically, we are not a tele free house (though youd be surprised that with this freedom he watches very little!). But our media is never used to 'parent' DS - it is there for pure enjoyment. I have never stuck him in from of a tele so I could get on with something else. I have many friends who do - with babies as young as three months old!!! - And I can see a big difference in their childs behaviour compared to my own. (of course there are many other factors that play into that - but I do think it is one)

[mrsfatty]

I think kids disrespect their parents because their parents disrespect them.

I think another reason they can disrespect their parents, is not knowing how to handle or deal with the emotions or situations they are dealing with--they don't feel "understood" and they don't know how to problem solve and they feel judgment instead of support and help and trust from their parents.

I think most parents' definition of respect isn't really about respect--it's about complete and total agreement/obedience no matter what they do or say to their kids--respect is more than having a lemming...

[ziggyzaazaa]

when i was growing up I was respectful to my parents, but I remember how much I struggled until I was 19 years old. 19!!!!!!. I admit! I gave my mom a hell of a time. The problem was, What I never knew was the actual definition of the word itself, I had to read it in the dictionary myself to understand the word. No one ever clearly explained it to me, they just expected me to know. I mean come on. RESPECT. unless you sing the song its a hard word to learn when you are a little two year old throwing a fit and screaming bloody murder.

Part of it I believe, is the non-understanding and lack of communication between the parents and the child. I know this was my case. But I still grew up respectful and good. Just a thought. I use this knowlege within myself to hope to be able to raise respectful kiddos.

I try to explain things the best I can so they understand at thier level what is right or wrong. Sometimes I have to remind Daddy and even myself. It does take practie from all of us!

[bestjob]

My dd is 14 and in Grade 9.

Last fall at a cross country meet I was told by some parents that "the girls don't like it when we hang around with them" and "my daughter told me to stay away when she's with her friends". These parents were forbidden t talk to their kids. They are the kind who refer to themselves as "The Taxi Driver" and "The Wallet".

When my daughter and I meet kids at the mall, some of the kids say hi to me, and some look at me like I'm something smelly stuck on a shoe. Guess which ones get invited for dinner?

When I see my dd's peers, I always give a friendly hello, call the kids by name, check in with dd about what she's doing and if she needs anything, and then I chat a bit and then I do stuff I like to do. I tend to do the same with dh's work colleagues and friends.

I think a lot of parents get treated disrespectfully because they have taught their kids that it is okay. At our house I try to bring it up on a fairly regular basis that my husband and I are actually human beings who have feelings and like to be treated politely. I also try to give the kids the privacy they need so that they aren't cornered and feel that they have to fight their way out of my scrutiny. These are respectful behaviours that I want them to learn.

And, I have given them the age-old threat... be nice to me in public or I will start to dance in front of your friends. (The good thing is... my kids know it's a joke, not a real threat.)

[heartmama]

bestjob I really like your post!

I agree there are many factors, and the one you bring up is so important. There is this cultural trend to think it's normal for older kids to relate to their parent as if the adult is "the wallet" or "the taxi" etc.

Naturally there is a lot of space and respect needed by a teen in their relationships to others. However, there is no reason at all to have a relationship where the teen considers parents as less-than-human. That is creepy and sad and very common.

[foreverinbluejeans]

Many of you seem to agree that if parents treat kids with respect their children with treat them with respect.

What if they don't? What if you are doing everything right?

I have a son that has bipolar disorder. He is 21 now. We homeschooled but he started going out in 'the big bad world' to work at a part time job when he was 16. He started treating me worse more frequently. I had a counselor friend that wisely told me it was because he knew he had to be nice to everyone else and he took things out on me. He was secure in his relationship with me.

What works for us is when he starts treating me with disrespect I leave the room if possible or stop listening if I can't leave. Even if we are irritated with each other one day the next day we just start all over again.

[webjefita]

Many of you seem to agree that if parents treat kids with respect their children with treat them with respect.

What if they don't? What if you are doing everything right?

[heartmama]

I don't think it's as simple as 'I did everything right and...' because we are this relationship. At any given moment you have to deal with what is in front of you. Life is never as simple as getting what we deserve in relationships, and I am sure you know that.

[wytchywoman]

Originally Posted by alexsam

Here's a great quote:

"I see no hope for the future of our people if they are dependent on the frivolous youth of today, for certainly all youth are reckless beyond words. When I was a boy, we were taught to be discrete and respectful of elders, but the present youth are exceedingly wise and impatient of restraint."

-Hesiod

He was an ancient Greek born in 800 BC!

Apparently, kids have been disrespectful to their elders for 3,000 years.

.

Your post made me LOL!!! But in all seriousness, with 3000 years worth of disrespecting elders....perhaps the problem is not with the teens, it is with the perception of what elders consider respect.

[Theoretica]

That's deep wytchywoman!

The perception of what elders consider respect.

Much to ponder there

[GuildJenn]

Originally Posted by foreverinbluejeans

Many of you seem to agree that if parents treat kids with respect their children with treat them with respect.

What if they don't? What if you are doing everything right?

I have a son that has bipolar disorder. He is 21 now. We homeschooled but he started going out in 'the big bad world' to work at a part time job when he was 16. He started treating me worse more frequently. I had a counselor friend that wisely told me it was because he knew he had to be nice to everyone else and he took things out on me. He was secure in his relationship with me.

What works for us is when he starts treating me with disrespect I leave the room if possible or stop listening if I can't leave. Even if we are irritated with each other one day the next day we just start all over again.

That sounds like a really specific and hard situation. Hugs to you!

I see no problem with leaving the room if being treated with disrespect.