Ds CONSTANTLY Attacking Companions

[Muminmamman]

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Edited by Muminmamman - 6/25/11 at 5:58pm

[The4OfUs]

I would 100% completely shadow him during playdates, like literally be there right with him and the other kid so you can intercept him. I know it won't mean a lot of interaction for you with the moms, but maybe they'll sit on the floor with you too. The closer you are to them, the faster you can intervene and intercept, and reduce the contacts. My style was to try to intercept the arm in mid swing/throw/pinch, or the head in mid bite, and keep a hold of it gently while making make eye contact and say firmly in a low, growly tone, "NOT OK. PLEASE be gentle, you can X instead" and give them an option based on what emotion I thought it was (anger, excitement, etc.).

I've spent many a playdate with younger toddlers on the floor with/between the kids to prevent such things from happening - hell, I've done it with my own kids when my daughter was going through a biting phase, I'd be right there with them while they were playing when I knew she was in a bitey mood. If he can't handle the interactions on his own, your only options are to eliminate the interactions, or to be right there on top of him while he's in the stage. I'd personally choose to be right there with him.

It's a tough phase for some kids, but he will grow out of it so long as you keep setting the limit and preventing as much as possible, and redirecting his emotion to a more appropriate expression. Good luck!

[gsd1amommy]

If you aren't willing to give up playdates for now, you must be within arms reach of him at all times to intercept before he can hurt his little playmates. This is about the only option for right now.

[Muminmamman]

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Edited by Muminmamman - 6/25/11 at 5:58pm

[gsd1amommy]

Originally Posted by Kimiko

Thanks, ladies. So you think this is just a normal phase that has to be waited out? I tend towards blaming myself as a bad mother for any behavior that is undesirable.

Curious, gsd1amommy, did you ever give up all playdates because of this? If so, how did it affect your child (if at all)?

When my son was that age, he tended to be on the receiving end of the hitting, tackling, and biting. He was the mellowest kid that I ever knew. So, I did stop taking him to playdates for that reason. He simply did not protect or defend himself and even if it did occur to him to stand his ground, I don't think he would. He was just that chill! He is absolutely fine at age eight.

[The4OfUs]

Originally Posted by Kimiko

Thanks, ladies. So you think this is just a normal phase that has to be waited out? I tend towards blaming myself as a bad mother for any behavior that is undesirable.

It's totally in the realm of normal for his age. Both of my kids went through aggressive phases of one kind or another around 2, and neither have ever had a hand laid on them, or been at daycare, or any of the other things that could be "blamed". I think some kids just do this...certainly if it's modeled in the home or care situation it might be more likely to happen, but kids who have never had it modeled can do it too (like mine), so don't blame yourself. Your job is to help him through it by guiding him, consistently, gently, and firmly, to more appropriate behaviors. My kids, it lasted a few months and then was over. I mean, they still mix it up sometimes when they're mad at each other, but it's not like it was when they were going through the phase and doing it repeatedly and daily.

[RiverSky]

What if you were to take him for a big, long (tiring) walk right before his playdates? Do you think that might mellow him out some?

[Muminmamman]

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Edited by Muminmamman - 6/25/11 at 5:59pm

[The4OfUs]

ooh, there's a thought - how about playground playdates?