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[My4Monkeys]

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[eepster]

This article explains why it can be hard for men to deal with this issue in a rational manner.

Just be firm but gentle, and keep saying "no" but realize that he needs time and space to process. Try not to bring it up yourself, and just say "no" when/if he does.

[Quirky]

We have mamas on this board who circed their first boy -- or boys -- and stood firm later, and won through. All it takes is the broken record approach -- "no. no. no. it's his body and it's his choice and he can decide when he's an adult."

Just realize that you're not opposing your dh -- your dh doesn't have the right to make this decision in the first place, because it's not his body. You're simply speaking for your son, and protecting his right to decide. Your son doesn't want to be circumcised, I can guarantee you that!

Matching doesn't matter. LOTS and lots and lots of boys have circed dads, brothers, etc. -- and it's OK. If anything, it's the circed dads and brothers who become sad when they realize what they're missing, but I have never heard tell of a boy who wanted part of his penis cut off to match daddy or big brother.

Even if your other sons might eventually become sad that they were circed -- that's something they may face whether your youngest is cut or intact. It's a very connected world we live in now and between all the moving people do plus the Internet, it is 100% guaranteed that your older sons will learn at some point that they were circed. You can't protect them from that knowledge by circing your baby, too.

Be at peace, mama, and know what you are doing is right.

[AnnR33]

Did he watch the procedure with the first boys? If not, have him watch one of the many videos available-they are heart breaking and I know of 2 men that it literally changed their minds instantly and they were both sure they would have their sons circ'd. It's a HARD thing to watch.

My DH and first son are circ'd. I would never have done it with my 1st had I any info at all that it wasn't necessary. With my 2nd son I was educated and my Dh did not disagree at all once he saw the facts.

Don't overwhelm your DH with info but provide just a few well done factual articles as mentioned above. And make him watch a video!

[perspective]

Originally Posted by eepster

This article explains why it can be hard for men to deal with this issue in a rational manner.

Just be firm but gentle, and keep saying "no" but realize that he needs time and space to process. Try not to bring it up yourself, and just say "no" when/if he does.

As always I think that article simplifies things too much. This is about cultural standards in his mind, a sense of child bonding, and ultimately the power behind the process of body modification.

OP, if you want your husband to open up about this instead of starting the discussion off with reasons why circ is bad, and then asking him how he con defend it. Instead ask him why this is important to him, why does he want to circumcise his son.

From there he will start opening up, if he says for health reasons you can correct him, while if he says its to feel closer to his boys, or because he wants to do whats best then you can tell him you totally agree, but that their are better ways of doing it that does not involve surgery.

[Starwind]

I'm 23 years old. I was circ'd as an infant. Even though my mother didn't know better, I do kind of resent her for robbing me of that choice. It really isn't something that can ever be fixed.

That is not to say all circ'd children grow up to feel that way. However, I believe it would be more prudent to let him decide for himself when he is mature enough to understand what that decision entails. If he wants to be like everyone else in the family, that would be fine.

By making the choice for him, the die will be cast without the foresight to know its implications. Please, allow your child to choose on his own because how he feels about it, like the permanency of the act itself, can not be changed once done.

No matter how much your DH wants to have it done, remember that it is your SON's life that will be decided for.

[Greg B]

I was circ'd and my two younger brothers were not. The docotrs were not recommending it at that point in time. This was not an issue at all. Nada. Nothing. Didn't even come up, except once when my mother brought it up, though I do not even remember the context.

My best friend in grade school was intact and I was circ'd. No issue except one passing comment. No issue at all.

I am circ'd and I left my sons intact. No issue at all. Nothing excpet a couple curious questions that were answered.

The idea of anyone needing to match anyone else is a complete non issue, so does not outweigh any of the risks and disadvantages of RIC.

Stay strong. Make your husband give a well thought out argument weighing the advantages and disadvantages. He needs to do that as a parent. parents must be advocates for the best interests of their child. That means risk averse and keeping options open until they are old enough to make informed decisions.

If you husband wants to do some reading to get his head around the issues:

http://icgi.org/Downloads/FD2.pdf

If he wants to see what doctors think, and do more reading:

http://www.doctorsopposingcircumcisi...yStatement.pdf

Best wishes.

[tutucrazy]

First off, good for you for sticking up for your son and not allowing this to happen to him!

You just need to be firm. Your husbands logic is severely flawed as you already pointed out. Be firm about not circing and do not consent to it in the hospital. Make sure your birth plan clearly states that you do NOT consent to circumcision and keep your son with you at all times.

[Ron_Low]

I'm sure it was easy to get swept along with the tide when nobody was even suggesting that what the earlier boys would lose was valuable.

That terrible well-intentioned mistake doesn't make you a bad person, UNTIL you let the shame or embarrassment of it lead you down a road of avoidance that allows you to knowingly harm a person.

The present child has a right to be whole and a right to receive the best care we know how to give. Today that does not include circumcision.

The harms that were done to others have no bearing on the present child's rights or needs. Neither do the cosmetic preferences of others.

As the mother you have the power and responsibility to protect him. Just say NO NO NO. Bring a Sharpie to write NO CIRC on all his diapers and onesies that will be used in the hospital. Write it on his abdomen and thighs if you feel threatened.

HIS body, HIS decision.

[eepster]

Originally Posted by perspective

As always I think that article simplifies things too much. This is about cultural standards in his mind, a sense of child bonding, and ultimately the power behind the process of body modification.

Nothing that we say about the psyche is universal or complete. The vulnerability article is no exception. It is just one aspect of how some men feel. That doesn't make it invalid or unhelpful.

When a father-to-be is feeling the way that the article describes, then continuing to press facts often just causes the FTB to become defensive and fight harder. Reading this article helps the mother-to-be understand that she needs to step back and give the FTB time to process his thoughts and feelings in a safe mind frame. It also helps the MTB understand that she needs to reasure the FTB that she still finds him appealing and loves him.

I would expect that none of the circ'd men who post here regularly feel the way that the article describes, though some may have felt this way at one point and worked through it. Obviously men who feel this way would find this forum very threatening. So, this article may not ring true to many of the men here, but really can help some of us women be more sympathetic, understanding and patient with the men in our lives who do feel this way.

[My4Monkeys]

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[Yulia_R]

Originally Posted by My4Monkeys

I don't know what to do...but I just know that I CAN'T do this to my little boy. I just can't. How do I make DH understand and not cause a rift between us??

You have the right instinct to protect your precious baby from harm. Circ IS a great harm, emotionally and physically. Now when you KNOW that, of course you will protect your baby with your life, just like mothers are designed to.

As for your DH, your logic is absolutely right, just because other boys are missing a body part does not mean this baby should be ripped off one as well. I would explain your DH importance/multiple functions of foreskin (let us know if you need some help/links with that). Plus I would definitely watch together this 20 minutes long educational video (it is a new very well done video that educates in a very gentle and yet strong way)

Circumcision Decision
http://video.google.com/videoplay?do...65256830319025

[KBecks]

Tell your DH that you are going to refuse circ for your new baby because you don't want it. He may feel upset about it, but you be strong and hang in there for your new little baby. You can listen to your DH's feelings, but you stay firm in that you aren't going to circ.

That's really all there is to it. It sounds terribly difficult, but really it's not hard to say no. You have every right to say no to circ. You shouldn't be forced into circing your son, so don't let yourself be manipulated by his emotions.

Men can be very emotional about circ and your DH may be upset, but he will get over it. I would not talk about it much or try to force him to agree with you. He does not have to agree that circ is bad. He just needs to accept that your new baby will not be circed. No is no. Do not let yourself be pressured or compromised. You can do it!

I have 2 circed sons and our third is intact and it's the best thing I ever did, to reject circ. My husband knows how sad I am over cutting our two oldest boys. He still thinks circ is good, but he now says it's fine to be intact too.

[KBecks]

Originally Posted by My4Monkeys

Thank you for all of the thoughtful replies. I was shaking and crying watching the circ video...you can bet I'll be showing that to DH. Just to clarify, I have already had the baby. He was born peacefully and gently at home, unassisted, on May 5th. So far, there hasn't been any heated debate about this, it's just DH saying once in awhile "Oh, we need to get him circumcised", and I'll say "Well, I don't want to, it's not necessary, it's not our choice", etc. Then if he brings up the matching issue, I bring up the cutting off of fingers, and that's about as far as it goes. I *think* he may be letting it go, not for the reasons I want (understanding that it's WRONG, not our right to cut off part of our son's body), but because no pediatrician in our area will do it in office, because apparently ALL babies are born in the hospital and have it done there (did the checking around to appease him, NOT because I was considering it). Let's hope, right?

It honestly sounds like you have succeeded! Congrats on your first intact son!

[Yulia_R]

Originally Posted by My4Monkeys

Thank you for all of the thoughtful replies. I was shaking and crying watching the circ video...you can bet I'll be showing that to DH. Just to clarify, I have already had the baby. He was born peacefully and gently at home, unassisted, on May 5th. So far, there hasn't been any heated debate about this, it's just DH saying once in awhile "Oh, we need to get him circumcised", and I'll say "Well, I don't want to, it's not necessary, it's not our choice", etc. Then if he brings up the matching issue, I bring up the cutting off of fingers, and that's about as far as it goes. I *think* he may be letting it go, not for the reasons I want (understanding that it's WRONG, not our right to cut off part of our son's body), but because no pediatrician in our area will do it in office, because apparently ALL babies are born in the hospital and have it done there (did the checking around to appease him, NOT because I was considering it). Let's hope, right?

Oh, I missed the update when I first posted. Congrats on your perfect whole little one :!