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4 Days Till Repeat C-Section and HORRIFIED!

post #1 of 54
Thread Starter 
I'm not sure where else to post about this, so sorry if it's not really appropriate!

I am sitting here, almost 2am, and can't sleep because I am so completely consumed by terror over the fact that I am being coerced into having a 3rd c-section on Thursday. I live in a really conservative area of PA, and tried for months to find someone who would be willing to support a VBAC. The only practice of midwives near me wouldn't take me because they felt like I was likely to need another c-section. I did have my first child vaginally, but she only weighed 6 pounds. My two sons after that (different dad) ended in c-section due to being in labor and both babies "refusing" to descend, then having dropping heart rates with contractions. They both weighed nearly 9 pounds, and since I'm having another boy, the midwives felt like I was unable to give birth naturally to babies this size, and that my current baby is likely to be similar in size. They were somewhat encouraging, however, and directed me to a practice that had both doctors and midwives.

After seeing the midwives at this other practice, I still received no encouragement - every single one recommended a repeat c-section. And of course all the doctors suggested I would be crazy to even consider a VBAC. Everyone says I'm endangering the baby if I refuse a repeat c-section. So I caved. I'm scheduled for Thursday.

So now, like I said, I am just horrified. It was bad enough having this procedure when I was in labor, but at least I felt like I had TRIED to have natural births. And it seemed necessary at the time, with the babies' heart rates dropping. But now I feel like I am going in to be mutilated. I am so scared that the baby is going to die, or I am going to die, or they'll cut my bladder or the baby's face. I'm so...freaking...scared.

I don't know what I'm asking for here. Encouragement? Some kind of insight? Someone to tell me what I should do? I honestly don't know. I don't know who to talk to about this, because every single midwife I've talked to has refused to support me. I just wanted to get this out and see if anyone has had a similar experience, maybe backed out of surgery at the last minute? I don't want to endanger the baby by going into labor and then having a c-section anyway, which is what all the midwives seem to believe is going to happen. But god. I don't want to be cut into and go through this terrible experience again for no reason either. Or die and leave my kids with no mother. It's so sad that there is so much contradictory information and so few professionals (in some areas, at least) who even consider this surgery a "big deal." I just don't know what to do.
post #2 of 54
have you contacted ICAN? are you willing to travel to attempt a vbac? is that something you would be interested in?

if not, is there a reason they are having you schedule - can't you at least go into labor on your own, and know that the baby is ready to be born that day, go through a little bit of labor? there is no reason that going into labor would be dangerous for you.

I'm sorry you're scared, mama
post #3 of 54
Quote:
Originally Posted by LaughinWillow View Post
I'm not sure where else to post about this, so sorry if it's not really appropriate!

I am sitting here, almost 2am, and can't sleep because I am so completely consumed by terror over the fact that I am being coerced into having a 3rd c-section on Thursday. I live in a really conservative area of PA, and tried for months to find someone who would be willing to support a VBAC. The only practice of midwives near me wouldn't take me because they felt like I was likely to need another c-section. I did have my first child vaginally, but she only weighed 6 pounds. My two sons after that (different dad) ended in c-section due to being in labor and both babies "refusing" to descend, then having dropping heart rates with contractions. They both weighed nearly 9 pounds, and since I'm having another boy, the midwives felt like I was unable to give birth naturally to babies this size, and that my current baby is likely to be similar in size. They were somewhat encouraging, however, and directed me to a practice that had both doctors and midwives.

After seeing the midwives at this other practice, I still received no encouragement - every single one recommended a repeat c-section. And of course all the doctors suggested I would be crazy to even consider a VBAC. Everyone says I'm endangering the baby if I refuse a repeat c-section. So I caved. I'm scheduled for Thursday.

So now, like I said, I am just horrified. It was bad enough having this procedure when I was in labor, but at least I felt like I had TRIED to have natural births. And it seemed necessary at the time, with the babies' heart rates dropping. But now I feel like I am going in to be mutilated. I am so scared that the baby is going to die, or I am going to die, or they'll cut my bladder or the baby's face. I'm so...freaking...scared.

I don't know what I'm asking for here. Encouragement? Some kind of insight? Someone to tell me what I should do? I honestly don't know. I don't know who to talk to about this, because every single midwife I've talked to has refused to support me. I just wanted to get this out and see if anyone has had a similar experience, maybe backed out of surgery at the last minute? I don't want to endanger the baby by going into labor and then having a c-section anyway, which is what all the midwives seem to believe is going to happen. But god. I don't want to be cut into and go through this terrible experience again for no reason either. Or die and leave my kids with no mother. It's so sad that there is so much contradictory information and so few professionals (in some areas, at least) who even consider this surgery a "big deal." I just don't know what to do.
I'm sorry you are so scared and that you live in such a conservative place. Only you can decide what to do. I will say that I've read a lot of evidence that in general c-sections are a lot safer for baby when performed after the onset of labor not the other way around. Even if you decide to go through with the surgical birth, you might consider letting your baby choose when he is ready to be born. While I wont say that you should change your plans and have a vaginal birth (because I don't know your situation and couldn't begin to tell you what risks are resonable for your personal values) I will support you in whatever you decide. Follow your heart :

Laura
post #4 of 54
That just sounds so incredibly stressful, and I wanted to offer you some support, although I don't have first hand experience with this. I just know how hard it is when you feel so stressed out by having to make a hard decision that flies in the face of what everyone is telling you. There is a comfort in going along with what the majority point of view seems to be, because you are put in a place of having to defend yourself or even being ridiculed, not treated respectfully. But then when you feel like your very well being is at stake, it's like being pulled in two directions.

I don't really know what you should do in relation to the surgery other than take it one day at a time and see how you feel on Thursday.

How many weeks will you be by Thursday? Can you communicate your fears with your midwives? I don't think your fears are completely unfounded. My niece had scheduled c-sections with her second two children after her first was an emergency situation, and the subsequent two children ended up with persistent pulmonary hypertension that was serious enough that they had to be airlifted, and one ended up on ECMO. From what I've read, C-section does increase the risk of this, although in my niece's case, there were a lot of other risks factors. Still, they can't say there are no risk factors, and maybe they can give you specific numbers that balance the trial of labor vs. the scheduled surgery options.
post #5 of 54
Sweetie, this is your body and your baby, and your life. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do.

I view it like this: a strange man comes up to me and wants to have sex with me. I say "no, of course not, I have a man who I am with and in love with". The strange man says "yes, but these people I have with me think you should do it. Everyone else is. If you don't, you're not playing the game properly and you are going to disappoint people"

I would say an emphatic "Absolutely not!" in that situation - someone is trying to take advantage of me! In a cesarean, your body is not your own. In that situation it would not be either. Would you say yes if it were not a doctor offering you the cesarean, but a gardener? The same bad feeling applies either way - it will apply wherever you say "yes, take my body" when you mean "no, get away from my body".

If I were in you shoes, I would cancel the cesarean. They will ask you why. You tell them the truth. Relax...let nature take it's course...let yourself go into labor naturally and then, you could labor in the hospital car park until you feel it's time to go inside. That is what I plan to do. My body is my own - nobody else has a right over it. Nobody owns my body. Nobody owns yours.

This isn't like a debt you have to pay. Not consenting to this surgery right off the bat is not like an unpaid bill on your shoulder. Free yourself. Just a little bit. You will end up with a whole heck of a lot more respect for yourself afterward if you just don't let yourself be coerced like this.

That is my two cents worth anyway. I know I wouldn't want to ever have another cesarean and I know that circumstances surrounding birth can make a straightforward birth into an emergency situation. This pregnancy, I will certainly try for a VBAC, no matter what anyone says. You might be further along than me, but you sound like you're in the same boat.

*HUGE hugs* XXX
post #6 of 54
You need to contact ICAN. you'd be amazed at the resources available to you. You need to get people around you that support and trust that you can give birth. YOU CAN!!!! You've done it before. You can do it again.

Just b/c two of your babies were big (and, they aren't big by my standards) doesn't mean that this one will be. U/S can be up to 2 pounds off in either direction. My last baby was vba2c, 10#8oz. NO ONE thought I'd have a baby that big. Gender ahs nothing to do with size - my biggest baby was my little girl!

Wait for labor if that's what you want to do. and when it starts be upright as much as humanly possible and DON'T LIE DOWN. walk walk walk and walk some more. let gravity do the work of getting that baby into position.

go to spinningbabies.com for info on optimal fetal positioning. It will help get that baby in position to be born.

You are the one in power. If you don't want a section, then don't show up. how close to your due date are you? are you at 42 weeks yet? if not, you have time to wait. you're not truly late till 42 weeks.

If you do go into labor and YOU decide that you need a c/s, you will know that you did everything you could to avoid it. Your baby will have chosen when he wanted to be born and will get the benefit of the labor hormones.

Hugs.
post #7 of 54
Thread Starter 
Thank you all for the support! I'm really leaning toward cancelling the c-section at this point... I'm feeling even worse about it right now, because I talked to the anesthesia people this morning, and was expressing my concerns to the nurse - she was all cheerful about it, and ended up saying, "Well, we deliver about 5,000 babies each year here, and 30% of those are by c-section, so you have nothing to worry about! We're experts!" In this really cheery voice. At which point I realized that I had never even asked about their c-section rate - THIRTY PERCENT??? So now I am extremely concerned that these people are NEVER supportive of a VBAC, and are probably doing a bunch of elective c-sections as well. I feel so stupid for neglecting to ask about their c-section rate before getting my care with these people. Argh.
post #8 of 54
I'm just at the beginning of my search for a supportive care provider but it promises to be tough to find someone willing to do my VBAC too. I hope I have better luck than you, but I wanted to encourage you not to submit to anything you don't believe.

My thought on the subject is that cesareans are emergency surgery. They should be used in emergencies, and if you have an emergency, the cesarean option will be there.

On the other hand, the risks of the cesarean are not very high, and it seems to me that your fears are based on your having been coerced. Try to find peace, and find a way to make this birth yours whether you have a cesarean or vaginal birth. I like pp's suggestions of going into labor rather than scheduling. And remember that you'll soon be holding your baby in your arms. That's the only reason I'm willing to get pregnant and risk another cesarean!
post #9 of 54
.

Edited by maotmsmi - 5/21/11 at 2:48pm
post #10 of 54
RUN AWAY FROM THIS OB PRACTICE!!!

Can you contact ICAN or Google to see what birthing centers/midwives are in your area? Call them all and ask for help. Do not show up for the scheduled c/s. Just call and cancel.

It's not too late to change your mind until AFTER the baby is born. There is still time. You can do it! Good luck.

And at the very least, if you can't find a midwife this late in the game, stay at home as long as possible and show up crowning!
post #11 of 54
Up until the birth it is never to late to change. I have a friend that lives in PA and had a HBA2C. Do whatever you can to avoid regret.
post #12 of 54
What an incredibly stressful situation. I feel for you so much right now reading this post. Cancel the c section and find somewhere else to have your baby if you can. I feel reluctant to even respond because I know you are in such a last minute state but I really want to offer support for you to TRY to find a different practice- even if it is in a different city or whatever you can do, to give yourself the chance to do what you want to and need to do. IT is not too late!

I had so many dental nightmarish surgeries that I regret and I WISH I had backed out last minute. I know it is so different, but I can relate to that feeling trapped in a decision and thinking it was too late to change but then later seeing that I could have said no up to the last minute. At the end of the day it is your body only and your life so I just wish you support and hope you are able to get what you need, and to not let the hospital you are dealing with make you do something you know you don't want to do.

I hope you find someone IRL to assist you- contact that organization those others recommended. May love and peace and all the power of the goddesses walk with you in whatever you do, either way. May you be safe and healthy and blessed.
post #13 of 54
Quote:
Originally Posted by GutInstinct View Post
It's not too late to change your mind until AFTER the baby is born. There is still time. You can do it! Good luck. !
post #14 of 54
I don't know what I'm asking for here. Encouragement? Some kind of insight? Someone to tell me what I should do? I honestly don't know. I don't know who to talk to about this, because every single midwife I've talked to has refused to support me. I just wanted to get this out and see if anyone has had a similar experience, maybe backed out of surgery at the last minute? I don't want to endanger the baby by going into labor and then having a c-section anyway, which is what all the midwives seem to believe is going to happen. But god. I don't want to be cut into and go through this terrible experience again for no reason either. Or die and leave my kids with no mother. It's so sad that there is so much contradictory information and so few professionals (in some areas, at least) who even consider this surgery a "big deal." I just don't know what to do. [/QUOTE]

First, labor is good for babies. Even if I needed a cesarean I would not schedule it. I would go in once labor had begun on its own. Next, I know a number of PA midwives. PM me your area and tell me who you talked to. If you are open to homebirth, there are probably midwives who would serve you esp. given that you DID birth vaginally once. Mama, follow your heart. Make this decision for YOU and for your baby. Don't allow others to tell you what is in your heart. If you feel this is not the path, then don't walk down it.
post #15 of 54
On the other hand, the risks of the cesarean are not very high, and it seems to me that your fears are based on your having been coerced.



I have to disagree. The risks to the mother go up with each successive surgery. A third surgery is not something to take lightly.
post #16 of 54
Where is PA are you?? I am in PA in an area where the climate for natural birth is BAD, but I am planning a hb. I know my hb mw attends home VBACs. There are options for you.

Beth
post #17 of 54
Quote:
Originally Posted by homewithtwinsmama View Post

First, labor is good for babies. Even if I needed a cesarean I would not schedule it. I would go in once labor had begun on its own. Next, I know a number of PA midwives. PM me your area and tell me who you talked to. If you are open to homebirth, there are probably midwives who would serve you esp. given that you DID birth vaginally once. Mama, follow your heart. Make this decision for YOU and for your baby. Don't allow others to tell you what is in your heart. If you feel this is not the path, then don't walk down it.
i could not agree with this more. as a mom who had 2 c/s's and then a vbac..and THEN was shunned by every local MW in at least 2 states, i will tell you that 99% of the time, you can find someone...if you are willing to look hard enough. It was a struggle..and if anything would have happened, our MW would have disappeared (not b/c she wanted to, but b/c it wasnt legal for her to be at teh birth of my son...so i would have made her disappear)....if you can take 100% responsibility for your birth, you can more than likely find someone.

good luck. i HATE that women are put in this situation.

feel free to pm me if you need to talk to someone who has def. btdt.
post #18 of 54
Quote:
Originally Posted by LaughinWillow View Post
Thank you all for the support! I'm really leaning toward cancelling the c-section at this point... I'm feeling even worse about it right now, because I talked to the anesthesia people this morning, and was expressing my concerns to the nurse - she was all cheerful about it, and ended up saying, "Well, we deliver about 5,000 babies each year here, and 30% of those are by c-section, so you have nothing to worry about! We're experts!" In this really cheery voice. At which point I realized that I had never even asked about their c-section rate - THIRTY PERCENT??? So now I am extremely concerned that these people are NEVER supportive of a VBAC, and are probably doing a bunch of elective c-sections as well. I feel so stupid for neglecting to ask about their c-section rate before getting my care with these people. Argh.
Your intution is leading you. Listen to it. Do you know what kind of incisions you had? Both internally (which can be different than the external incision) and externally? That is very important to determine the safety of having a VBAC. Most likely you have the low-tranverse cut for both, which is good. Double check on that quickly, and let the mamas here help you find a way. You can do it, mama!

(I've had 3 "VBACs")
post #19 of 54
The fear that you are describing is what I felt as I went in for c-section #2, I just *knew* I shouldn't do it. I've had 4 c-sections and am planning another in Sept., that is the *only* one I regret, because my gut told me "no" and I allowed it anyway. I believe that was a very poor choice looking back.

I hope you can talk it over with someone at this practice and at least attempt a hospital VBAC with them.
post #20 of 54
I can't see anything in your posts that necessitates scheduling a c-section. Scheduling, in most cases (there are exceptions), is about the convenience of the hospital/OB, not about that being the best way to have your baby.

I'm having my fifth section at the end of June. I know what you mean about your mental state and the fear. It's been a huge weight on my mind. I'm not going to get into my whole story here, but there are basically two reasons I've scheduled. The first is that it was the deal I made with dh when we decided to ttc again. The second is that they finally broke me. I don't have what it takes to fight, anymore. I just don't.

That said...I let myself be pushed into scheduling with dd (my second). I was going to VBAC, until they found her in a footling breech position at 39 weeks. The OB said she "couldn't" turn. I knew that wasn't true. I let him push me into a repeat section, anyway. I understand my reasons for allowing it, but it still makes me angry (and dd turned six last weekend) that he pushed me...and that I caved. DD wasn't ready to be here. Among other things, she had breathing problems...nothing that required NICU, but still scary as heck to us as her parents. When we mentioned it to a night nurse, she said, "oh, that kind of thing is common with scheduled cesareans". I realize your babies heart rates have dropped in labour, and maybe it is necessary for you to have a section again (maybe not)...but that doesn't mean there is any advantage to you, or your baby, in having that section without labour. Everything I've read suggests that the opposite is true.

I'd cancel. If nothing else, you can show up in labour, and still have the section...and give your baby the benefit of picking its own birth day.


I'm sorry you're in this situation and sorry that nobody seems to get that it's a big deal. Our stories are very different, but I've BTDT for that part of it, and it's awful.

Good luck. I know how hard it is when none of your options seem acceptable.
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