Bedtime Issues....Need Some Ideas

[umsami]

In the past two weeks or so, DS1 and DS2, have been driving me crazy at bedtime. They alternate coming out of their room for "just one more thing"... water, kiss and a hug, just to say "Hi", etc. I handle it well for about the first four or five times, but by #6.... I yell. And I don't like to yell.

I told them, if they're not ready to sleep, they cna read quietly in their beds until they're tired... but I really do not want them coming in and out like that. I need "me" time... and I don't get it until they go to bed.

Any ideas?

[lindsayjean]

hmmmm... they're old enough maybe you could explain that you need some mommy time perhaps? My DD (who is just over 2) makes sure I shut her door... she actually won't go to sleep if the door is open, so she doesn't really come out. But if she did I would probably just try to explain to her that mom needs some time to herself and would like it if you would please stay in your bed. I am a big believer in explaining things to kids, even if it seems like maybe they're too young to get it. I think they understand more than we give them credit for!

[mama_mojo]

Do they need to go to bed earlier? Missing the sleep window can make slipping into sleep more difficult.
How many books do they have in bed? One of mine can stay in bed more easily with 5 or 6 books while another gets so fidgety with that many she cannot go to sleep.

Also, I bumped up bedtime to allow for some getting up. My middle child in particular does her big thinking when she goes to bed, so she NEEDS to get up a few times to share what she has thought of. No big deal the first 3 times. Then, I just say, "Time for bed!" I can say that 20 times (I've discovered) without ever feeling irritated. It's pretty boring, really, and she only has to test this boundary once every couple of months.

[Neptune2]

I was coming on here to ask a similar question. I am going through the EXACT same thing, and I so want to be able to deal with this constructively, but I cannot seem to find the way.

I have a 4yo DS and a 2yo DD. I clearly stated my expectations (although I am not sure DD is old enough for this) as of 7:30pm, I want them to be in bed or at least in their rooms. If they don't feel sleepy, fine, they can read, sing, play calmly with something, but I want them to stay in their bedroom, and not come out.
I have also explained to both that past 7:30pm, I need some mommy time to rest as I am pregnant with my 3rd child , but that doesn't seem to make a difference for them the urge for them to get out of their room is too much for them obviously.

Now when the crazy circus of coming out of their room starts, I just go with them and put them back in bed, but I must be missing something as it can go on for a couple of hours before it stops...and then, I am just beat. It has been many weeks like this, and I don't know what to do anymore...

So please, if you have anymore ideas about this, I would love to hear them.

[Music-mommy]

My experience with that is that they are testing the boundaries, after 4 or 5 times they know that's it, you yell and it's over right? So why not move the boundary to 1 time or no times?

If you set them up for it, then it is easier. My dd used to do this, we'd get into bed and she'd say "i'm thirsty", then "I want some yogurt" then .. then then...

So now I say, before we go to bed, "ok this is your last chance, if you need water, have to pee, need yogurt " etc. etc. "Because after you are in bed, that's it. So think about what you need now". Then I check with them a few more times before they actually crawl into bed "so you understand that there is no getting up now right?"

If you stick to your guns they will understand, you will keep your sanity and they will go to bed faster.

[Neptune2]

Thanks for your reply.

No, I don't get to yell. I just keep on going until they finally fall asleep...It can take up to 2 hour sometimes. (!)

But what do you when she DID get up after you saying, that is it, this is your last chance?



Also, I am wondering at this point, what is a normal bedtime for a 4yo. I am wondering if 7:30 is too early, although I do believe in going to bed soon, but I sure am ready to believe otherwise if it helps my son (he is the worst) go to bed without getting up that much. He finally fell asleep around 8:30 last night, and he sure had a hard time getting up this morning...

I was also realising yesterday that we are having a hard time calming him up at night. That might be a big culprit. But to ask him to stay seated for more then one minute without moving is impossible for him. I am realizing that I don't know how to help him calm down. A bath is a good time to play, there are only dim lights after dinner in the house, and that doesn't seem to change much. I tried relaxation music, but he is not able to sit and listen to it...any ideas anyone?

[bendingbirch]

Hi there,
I think these questions come up a lot. I guess one thing I would consider is that I, personally anyway, and from talking to lots of parents, consider a bedtime for a 4 year old of 7:30 too late at all. If they are not napping, my guess would actually be the opposite, that they are overtired (as long as they are pretty physically active during the day!)
I wrote some other suggestions that you could consider and see if they work for you and your family on this post on my blog here: http://theparentingpassageway.com/20...edtime-dreams/

I guess the other thing I was thinking of is that my children really didn't do a great job "staying in their beds" and such if they were not ready to go to sleep until they were about six or so. I don't say that to be disheartening or anything like that, but we did sort of lay down with them or rub their backs until they were pretty much on their way to sleep at the ages your children are.....I know everyone's experiences on this list have been different, and everyone's child has a different temperament that plays into it all, but I just wanted to throw that out there.

That end of the day winding down can be a precious time, I used to really meditate on how to make it a slower, gentler time for me instead of feeling like they really had to go to bed and if they didn't go to bed I wasn't going to get this, this and this done....because then they just seemed to feed off that hyper energy hiding under there and really couldn't fall asleep
Please do take what works for you and your family, I know from experience how hard bedtime can be

[Neptune2]

Thanks for your reply, and thanks for your link. I love the suggestions you have in there.

My son still naps in the afternoon. (well, and so does my daughter...) I am a strong believer in going to bed early to avoid being overtired, but I am not sure if I would be able to put him in bed before. I might as well try anyhow.

I not really hoping for an early and easy bedtime to be able to do stuff. I would love to take this time to just rest myself, and spend time with my DH. But I appreciate your suggestions about my own feelings and making it slower for me, it might help me see it differently