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5.5 Year Old Still Wanting to Touch Me - Page 2

post #21 of 30

Don't worry, sisteesmama--I think it's fairly "normal," if you will.

There was a little boy I cared for long ago, and I saw him once, many years later--he was on the verge of teenagerhood, I'd say 11 or so...and he still ran his hands up and down my collarbone and down to my bra line. It's a primitive animal brain thing.
post #22 of 30
Originally Posted by organicmidwestmama View Post
i dont think it is weird at all. its not like they are having sex, my gosh, we raise our kids to be affectionate physically and to not percieve breasts as solely sexual, so of course if a child is nourished at his moms breasts through much of his formative toddler years he will always feel compelled to find closeness with his mom/her breasts in a physical way. obviously if it is not longer mutually desireable the mom could tell him to back off, gently of course. my son loves to touch me and cuddle still and he is almost 8, sometimes if he trys to touch a part of my body, like my backside, and i am uncomfortable with it, i ask him to please not touch me there, end of story, its really not a big deal if you ask me.

sisteesmama- please read my above post, i totally dont think your family is weird.
post #23 of 30
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post #24 of 30
Thanks ladies, I appreciate it
post #25 of 30
i'm not sure it's always related to extended nursing, even. a friend of mine weaned her DS when he was 10 months old and he still at 4.5 yo gets comfort from touching her breasts. mama breasts are warms and soft and snuggly.

having said all that, my DS does this too sometimes (i gently MLW'd him in January) and we have put this in the category with touching other peoples' private parts after he did it to his aunt (up till then he'd only ever done it to me), and he seems to totally understand and accept that, he rarely does it anymore.
post #26 of 30
Originally Posted by mommyabroad View Post
So we talked about it this morning -- about how I really don't like it anymore. I thought I would be okay with it but I am not. And how his body is his and my body is mine. I asked him if daddy lets him touch his pee-pee and he said emphatically, Noooooo! So that was helpful.
That's not an analogy I would personally use. I mean, DS was never really encouraged to touch his father's "pee-pee," as he was he was your breasts, when he was nursing. It's not the same thing at all. Your DS saw your breasts as a place of comfort, not sexual exploration like a PP incorrectly implied.

With uncomfortable types of touches, I have told DS simply that he is bigger ans stronger and his touches feel like big kid touches and not like baby/little kid touches anymore. That made the touches uncomfortable, because it is a sensitive part of the body. He understood.
post #27 of 30
Thread Starter 
Aran, interesting point. After a bit of progress from my perspective, we seem to be back to struggling around touching my chest. And the more he "accidently" touches them, the more I cringe. I find setting boundaries around my body to be so difficult with DS. Other boundaries, way easier. But the body message just doesn't go in.... I keep asking myself what his deeper need is here and how I can better meet it. But I can feel the tension in me and it is challenging -- I cringe when he wants contact because it so does not feel relaxed and natural -- like hugging or cuddling.
post #28 of 30
I know you want to meet his needs but think of it this way....what you are teaching him is that he doesn't have to respect other people's bodies. He can do what he wants, even if it bothers/hurts someone else.

And the second half of that lesson is what you are modeling - that you aren't allowed/entitled to say "no" if someone is touching you in a way that makes you uncomfortable. We teach our kids all the time that no one is allowed to touch them in a way that makes them uncomfortable - why aren't you entitled to the same consideration?

In this case, your need to establish boundaries, to not be touched when you don't want to, trumps his "need" to touch you. And yes, I put that in quotes because there are many, many, ways to satisfy a child's need for physical affection without crossing the parents' comfort line.
post #29 of 30
My DD weaned just after her 5th birthday, and likes to rub my belly for comfort. So we'll cuddle up and she'll do that. I set boundaries--no poking me in the belly button, and no rubbing my breasts. We've talked about privacy and personal boundaries, regarding that, as well as regarding appropriate ways of climbing into her dad's lap...and how this applies to her, as well as to grownups.

Anyway, she used to bug the heck out of me by rubbing my belly while nursing, but I find I don't mind it so much, usually, now that she isn't nursing. I do seem to be the only lovey she's ever had, no fave blanket or stuffed animal or fingers to suck on here, so I'm in no rush to make her outgrow it.
post #30 of 30
Originally Posted by mommyabroad View Post
. What am I missing? This is, honestly, a daily struggle for me and I want some boundaries around my body.
I have finished officially BF with my oldest when she was 4,3 y.o however she could feed ocasionally maybe once in 2 month. I have a little 2 y.o toddler who is still nursing . So they could seat on me and stroke my breasts. They do it not because they are immoral or so, but because my body was their home and it was theirs as well, and breasts are the connection of their body to mine. So I would let him seat next to you, maybe you can wear a top, so he can recieve more sckin to sckin contact?
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