Feeling lost as a parent

[racie0417]

Please forgive my inability to be coherent. Like most of you, I am surviving on next to no sleep and too little water. In addition, I am typing while cchasing after my toddler (who at the moment is insisting on taking cheerios in and out of a snack cup....resulting in crushed cheerios all over the carpet).

and now nak w/ my LO.

First off, my LO screams for hours a day. I've eliminated dairy and it hasn't worked. I've been fighting the military health system to get him appointments, and they just dismiss it as colic....saying it cannot be reflux b/c he is gaining 10-12 ounces a week. The constant screaming is wearing me down. At my 6 week PP check-up tomorrow, I need to discuss PPD.

Second, I am drowning while adjusting to 2 within 19 months.

Third, we are co-sleeping....out of necessity....to save my sanity and I am terrified that my LO will never leave. I'd like him out of the bed by 1 year or so. He won't sleep swaddled and does not nurse to sleep like my older son, so I have no clue how to get him to sleep....without wearing him during the day.

That's all I can think of at the moment....but I am sure there is more.

[claras_mom]

For your infant, see if you can get a copy of The Happiest Baby on the Block by Harvey Karp (who also has a book called The Happiest Toddler on the Block). He talks about ways of soothing "colicky" babies, speaks of the first months in terms of a "fourth trimester." Basically the idea is that some babies just don't adjust as quickly or as well to the relative chaos of the outside world.

I wouldn't worry about how long you'll co-sleep at this point. You have to do what works to get a little sleep and keep a little sanity. We're co-sleeping with this one (my elder daughter slept peacefully in the arms-reach, but Eliza's not having any of it!); you just have to roll with it, IMO.

Can you get out at all? Mom's groups that can handle a mom with two young children?

Dd1 is calling. Hang in there! it will get better. :

[Lindsay1234]

Oh mama Have you tried the gripewater? My friends with a colicky baby swears by that stuff! And good for you on talking with doc about PPD. Hopefully youll get some relief soon!

[JenMidwife]

me too things are okay w/ my lo (dd#1 had colic & new baby does not so I'm thankful for that). But my 2.5yo is a beast- driving me NUTS! I have my 6 week check tomorrow too & will also be discussing ppd

hang in there!

[emmaegbert]

oh my gosh, don't worry about the cosleeping right now. Do whatever you have to to get some rest. Babies change SO MUCH during the first year (as you know) and there will be plenty of other chances to reevaluate and change the sleeping arrangements. FWIW *my* parents coslept with us but only for a few months and then moved us to our own rooms, and we turned out fine! (and we both had the screaming colic, and I promise I don't do that anymore either. my sister, well, she's another story... okay I'm kidding of course)

Is there anyone you know and trust who can come take your kids out for a walk to the playground for an hour or something so you can just have a nap? Luckily (knock on wood) my baby is starting to sleep at night, but I had some really desperate days there at the beginning. Your sleep and rest are SO important so that you can meet all those endless demands of motherhood.

[racie0417]

Thank you everyone for the thoughts. We have read Happiest Baby on the Block, and watched the DVD. We even refreshed ourselves before the LO arrived. He will literally scream for hours while we do all 5 S's at the same time. A couple weeks ago, he was awake for 9 hours in a row while we did the 5 s's, nurse, repeat 5 s's, nurse, repeat, etc. etc. He spent all 9 hours screaming on and off and never slept.

I bought gripe water last week and while it cures his hiccups immediately, it does nothing for the screaming. The naturopath also recommended B12 for sleep and acidipholous, but no help on the screaming.

We live far from family, and while I have friends, they all have kids, and I would never feel comfortable dropping off a spirited toddler AND a non-stop screaming infant. Last night DH said that if he heard an animal scream/shriek/cry for as long as our LO, he would euthanize it b/c he would assume it were dying or in terrible pain.

[Peony]

Oh man, your post brings back painful memories of DD1's infancy. It does pass, and you will get through this. The constant screaming really is soo hard to del with, I'm sorry. Nothing ever made DD1 stop screaming, she finally stopped until she was 5-6 months old so no words of wisdom there.

[MI_Dawn]

Have you tried cranio-sacral therapy? It worked wonders with my third... she was not a happy camper, but afterward, things really starting improving.

Worth a shot?

[peilover010202]

Do you have a swing? Do you have a pump? Have you tried letting your dh give babe a bottle each night so you can get a longer stretch of sleep?

Will babe sleep in the car or swing? Part of the issue may be that he's overstimulated and has so much adrenaline rushing that he cannot get to sleep. When he wakes in the am, aim for getting him back to sleep in 1 hr. At this point, he should have several naps a day (6-ish of them) with no more awake time than 2 hrs. (I guess this info could vary depending on what book you read though.)

Mostly, focus on getting him the sleep he needs and on taking care of yourself. Ask your dh to feed a bottle so you can nap or sleep a longer stretch at night. Don't be afraid to use the swing or the car to help your little one get to sleep. Ask for help. Maybe you could set up a weekly playdate with a friend and swap week's so that you have a little down time when your toddler is away.

[racie0417]

We have a swing and a bouncy seat. LO will not allow me to even sit him in the swing--he starts screaming immediately. He does tolerate the bouncy seat, but he will not sleep in it.

I have a pump, but he will not take a bottle. My toddler refused a bottle until his nursing strike at 11 months old too, so I am not surprised. Honestly, finding time to pump and fighting to feed a bottle is more stressful than just the round the clock nursing. The nursing is the one thing that makes me feel in control too.

I try to get him back to sleep at his first sleepy sign or after he has been awake 45-60 minutes. After he has been awake an hour, the screaming starts.

I'll look into cranio-sacral therapy. I am a bit worried that there won't be many options since I live in Alabama. I remember looking into it for my toddler when we lived in England (in a rural part)....and I only had two choices then, both a 45-60 minute drive away. England seemed more into that, so I don't have much hope for finding one in Alabama. I miss the baby yoga class that i took with my toddler when he was a newborn--lots of good baby massage.

After crying in the early evening, we have some calm for the moment.

[wobblykate]

my nephew was like that. nothing made him happy. hang in there.

if there's no cranial-sacral option, maybe look into ped. chiropracty? you're doing a great job!

[IncaMama]

:

no matter what, i swear to you that this phase WILL END. i hope soon!!

[Bexo]

Michelle, I am in your DDC and just wanted to offer my support. I also now have 2 under 2 and it's definitely a huge adjustment! My little guy (now almost 6 weeks) also has lots of symptoms of reflux and isn't the happiest camper. It's really hard. Feel free to PM me if you want to chat more.

[panroses82]

[Murph12334]

big

2 under 2 - yikes! I have the newborn and a 3 year old and not sure i could deal with her younger. My LO is a screamer and loves the sling. I'm wearing him in it now and he's sleeping. He tends to scream a lot when not in the slong. It calms him right down. Did you try slings? Mine only likes being in a wrap in the front cross carry for now.

more I hope it gets better soon for you