My 4.5 yo has gotten into "potty" language....

[beccaboo]

and it is really annoying me! Pee, poop, farts, & butts seem to be the favorites. Ugh! Should I just ignore this? I know it's normal for his age (why is that again?), but I find it irritating nonetheless. He knows I don't like it, but I'm not sure what the best course of action is on my part. So far I just sort of give him "the look" and otherwise I'm trying to ignore it as best I can. (This too shall pass...!)

It also just occurred to me that I should ask at his preschool what their response is to such language, because I've heard a fair amount of it being bandied around by ds's peers recently. (Today one of his friends said something about "chicken farts" to me as I was leaving - I really don't want my ds using that sort of language to adults! In the car we talked a bit about being polite and respectful, but I didn't make a huge deal of it.)

Thanks for your help, mamas!

Becca

[M&MSMAMA]

Hi, I am fairly new around here, but I needed to respond and say that I completely understand where you are coming from. I have a 6 yr old and a 4 yr old and they both run around saying poopy, peepee, and fart and they too know I don't like it. I have tried to tell them that we don't talk like that, but it doesn't seem to help. I keep telling myself that they will outgrow it, but they have already taught my 2 yr old to say it also, so I will probably be listening to it for a while. Good luck

Kristen

Mama to the M&M'S

[beccaboo]

Well, at least I'm not alone! (Small comfort, huh?) Thanks for your quick response. I looked in some of my parenting books after posting (trying to find the topic in the index was a challenge in itself - I looked under potty, bathroom, language, toilet, speech, etc and didn't find much!). Only one book seemed to address it, and it said pretty much what I expected - it's normal, kids do it to get a reaction from adults, and it suggested (no big surprise here) not giving them one. It also recommended telling kids that bathroom words belong in the bathroom and that you can send your kid there and they'll tire of saying them soon enough, but more often than not it seems we're out and about when such situations occur. Well, I suppose in tandem with enjoying ds's growing "good" vocabulary I will have to find a way to accept this!

[Amy in NH]

Well, this may not be a popular response here. I have been through this with 2 boys, the 2nd worse than the 1st. I tried the "bathroom talk belongs in the bathroom" - didn't work. I tried ignoring it, but sometimes it is just downright hard to ignore (like in public). Who will want my children to play with theirs if my kids are teaching that language to their kids? Not to mention embarassing in public!

So I resorted to good ole "wash that language out of their mouths". Only had to do it once each. Works like a charm. I used a fingerful of liquid soap (a couple of squirts), after a chat and a serious warning. Bar soap might work if you leave it in a for a couple of minutes. I know people who have used a dab of hot pepper on the tongue, but we didn't have to go that far as the soap did the trick.

Good luck!

[LuvMy2Kidz]

Ugh, my ds has to inform me EVERY time he farts, and a lot of times when he doesn't :LOL Now he has my 2 y/o doing it UGH. I have no advice, I just say, "ok, but you dont' need to tell mommy that" :LOL :LOL

[joesmom]

my nephew james is into this right now; he started kindergarten in sept. joe doesn't do it much, except when james is around. i usu. ignore it but if it gets out of control i put a stop to it.

i would never use soap to "clean" my son's mouth. i had that done to me ONCE by usu. loving parents & i can still remember the taste of the soap. not very gentle IMO.

when my sister was three or four and mad about something, she would chant POOP PEE VOMIT BLOOD!

so i guess it is hereditary.

[Mommiska]

Hi there - we have a 4 year old and a 2.5 year old, and we also get the poop, pee, poopyhead, etc. type language. :

I also try to ignore it when it isn't directed at me or someone else. If they are calling me (or each other) a poopyhead, I tell them that I don't like that kind of language, and it makes me feel sad to be called that (or it makes other people sad, etc. - whatever is appropriate to that particular situation).

I'll often then leave the room, which they dont' usually like - so I'll just explain that I don't like to be called names, so I'm leaving. That seems to help (temporarily!).

I think this is something you just have to look through, but I do verbalise my feelings about the language (in a simple, matter-of-fact way) to the girls when the language is directed at me.

When they've talked that way when we've had company around, I've asked them to go to their rooms/somewhere by themselves if they want to say words like that, as those words make other people uncomfortable, etc.

Eventually, they'll get it (hopefully!)

[teachma]

I think I am probably in the minority, but I really don't mind any kind of language as long as it is not used to hurt others' feelings. I and my husband use "potty language" from time to time to get our three year old to laugh or "snap out of" a bad mood. We don't ever direct the words at any person or use them to name call, but we may casually drop them in conversation. I am a second grade teacher, and I even tolerate and use words like "poop" or "butt" in my class (albeit very sparingly). I think words are just words, some of them get funny reactions from kids, and my son has never had an issue with "abusing" these words. Sometimes I think it may be because he doesn't sense that they are off limits. But of course, everyone has their own comfort levels.

[Dar]

Originally posted by Amy in NH

So I resorted to good ole "wash that language out of their mouths". Only had to do it once each. Works like a charm. I used a fingerful of liquid soap (a couple of squirts), after a chat and a serious warning. Bar soap might work if you leave it in a for a couple of minutes. I know people who have used a dab of hot pepper on the tongue, but we didn't have to go that far as the soap did the trick.

This is *not* Gentle Discipline. Reading this made me stomach queasy. That is not an okay way to treat people.

I remember Rain and a friend singing a great song that started with "Scooby, Scooby Doo, took a poo, and Shaggy thought it was candy". They loved it, it cracked them up for years. Rain also created the BART-song Fart-song, sung all in rhyme with ever-changing lyrics, about a man riding the BART (Bay Area Rapid Transit)... who felt a fart... begin to start... while passing K-Mart... on the BART... I thought it was hilarious. She would sing this on the BART, mind you, and no one ever did more than smile at her, and she always had plenty of friends to play with.

Dar

[3_opihi]

I think I'm kinda in the same boat as teachma. We really don't discourage bodily function type words, as long as ds isn't using it to hurt someone else's feelings. For instance, if he calls Dad a "poohead", we tell him that that hurt Dad's feelings, and we shouldn't call people names like that. But if he says something along the lines of "I farted and it smells" and thinks its really funny, then what can you really do? (Except roll your eyes)
He's aloud to think whatever he wants is funny IMO. You know, I think you really just have to get used to the fact that kids (especially boys) talk about that kind of stuff, and think its funny.
All you can really do is ignore it...

Hmmm...I just have to say. What is up with washing your kids mouth out with soap? There is always another solution besides physical punishment, right?

[beccaboo]

I would never consider the soap suggestion; I come here for gentle discipline solutions.

The other responses here have been very helpful and insightful. It's very true that I can't dictate what my ds will find funny. And I imagine that, rather than ostracizing him, his use of potty words would only elevate his status "on the playground."

When and where to use these words in a socially acceptable manner is also a rather complex thing. It's perfectly OK for me to say to ds#2, "oh, do you have some poopies? We'd better change your diaper!" or for ds#1 to say "I need to go poop" (I still wipe ds so this is pertinent information, really!) but it's not OK to just say "poop" in another context? Does that make a lot of sense? I like the idea that I should discourage him from using them *about* someone.

Joesmom, that's funny - I don't think ds knows "vomit" yet! I'm sure he'd love to add that to his repertoire... And Dar, I liked your stories and your attitude.

We were at a birthday party with most of ds' preschool class on Saturday, and after a thrilling hour-long theatrical rendition of "Green Eggs and Ham," some coloring, and lots of kid energy, ds came up to me and yelled "pee poop fart butt!" as I was sitting with a bunch of the other parents. He was obviously quite wound up. Rather than being embarassed (after all, I theorize that this sort of behavior occurred to ds after seeing some of *their* kids do it at school), I just whispered in his ear something like, "my, you have a lot of energy. Isn't this a fun party? Please remember to use your inside voice. Oh look, they're cutting the cake!" and let him be.

Thanks for your ideas and help. It helped give me some perspective.

Becca

[zealsmom]

HI beccaboo.

Good for you and your reaction at the birthday party.

I do have a suggestion for you. I know this is VERY hard to do, but it has worked for us in our family as well as both of our decade long teaching careers.

Try this experiement. For the next week, COMPLETELY ignore any language like that. No looks, no comments, nothing. Act like it hadn't even come out of his mouth.

We have a saying around here. "Attention to it is a commandment." By bringing attention to it in any way, you are giving it power.

(I'm happy to hear you would never consider the soap; I thought I was going to throw up when I originally read that - how sad!)

[ilovebeingamom]

My three year old is also into this lately. I tried talking and telling him it wasn't nice and ignoring it. Neither worked and it kept getting worse. Incidentally I have been reading Playful Parenting and it addressed it. What it suggested was making a game of it and either when they say it, overreact and say "OH NO, NOTHING BUT THAT WORD." and just get really goofy. What we did, which seems to be working, is talk back real goofy with him.

I said something like, "Ok, we have to go to the store now. " Ds would say, "Oh, no, we have to go to the pee store now. " and I would match, "No we are going to the giant poop store. All they have is poop." Etc. It seems to get it out of his system. He would laugh and say, "No, its just a store." He did have one more bout of screaming about pee and poop at Burger King playland, and like the other poster, we just asked him to quiet down. But the talk has gotten much better. I think it is just a stage they go through. It is pretty interesting to them, and the shock factor is a bonus. I think overly shaming them about a basic body function could end up being really confusing.

[sweet tea]

my 3.5 yo started that..and I explained to her that we can talk about it at home..or in the bathroom...but along with our other manners...we don't talk about it out of the house or at the dinner table...that other people don't like to hear it....it works for us..but she's always been an easy girl..i can only imagine what it might be like with a boy *remembers brothers growing up*
yikes...best of luck on that one!