COnflicted about 4y/o

[ruthmg]

My just turned 4 year old loves nursing. I'm currently nursing my 4 month old. I had started to encourage my older ds to wean on his 4th birthday (since I'm feeling really unhappy about nursing him). Lo and behold, a couple of days before his birthday, my younger ds and I developed thrush. I cut of older ds completely. (He was down to once in the morning for about 15 seconds on each side). It's been about 2 weeks. He keeps asking if the thrush is gone and if he can nurse.

Frankly, I feel finished with nursing older ds. I'm happy to have made it 4 years, although he didn't get his big "send-off" birthday nursing. But he is so fixated on nursing! He told me he wants to nurse until he is five (first he told me he would nurse until younger ds is done - I asked if he would nurse when he's 8 years old - he laughed and said no.) He asks me everyday if the thrush is gone and can he start again.

Any input? I thought I could do CLW, but it's getting tough since he's so old and big next to my 4 month old.

[Meredith&Alexander]

Just to be clear, do you want input from a CLW perspective, or would this post be better suited to Nursing Beyond Infancy?

[ruthmg]

Both, actually. How do I cross post?

[honeybee]

It's totally an individual decision. My ds1 once told me he would stop nursing at age 5, and I made him stick to it, even though he changed his mind. I do think you need to make a decision and be up front with him. Don't use thrush as the excuse. Either it's time to be done or it isn't. Ds1 didn't choose to end it, but he knew way ahead of time that his bday would be the last time. I was nursing 3 kiddos at that point, and it was just time for him to be done for our family situation. Good luck making your decision.

[Isaac'sMa]

no advice mama, just hugs. My 3.5 yo DS tells me he'll nurse until he's a teenager... Like you, I'm aiming for the 4 yr. birthday too.

[proudmomof4]

I'd also suggest that you try to be clear about it for yourself. Without that process it is near to impossible to send a clear message to your child.
Have you read "Mothering your nursing toddler"? (LLL, some groups will have it for sale at meetings)
Another option would be to visit a toddler meeting at LLL - this might also give you some input and help about "strategies".
Last not least: - you'll get there!

[jaidymama]

I guess I would have to say if it's only a few seconds on each side each day, then would that be something you're willing to do? I understand the feeling of wanting to be done. I guess it's a matter of how you want to make the transition.

If you feel you really don't want to go back, then find something that you 2 can do together that is just special for the 2 of you. I have seen the older kids watch their younger siblings and that they are longing for a way to connect again like when it was just the 2 of you.

[NoraB]

Personally, I'd let LO nurse some. My DD took what felt like forever to wean. I was so ready long before she was ready. I was committed to CLW but I also felt really impatient about it. I set some limits for my sanity, but I did let DD wean in her own time. I'm glad I did. I felt like it gave her the closure she needed. I know tandem nursing can be tough. I nursed through my pg w/ DS and tandem nursed for a quite a while. I really started to dislike nursing DD, which made me feel bad. It was a hard time. If I had it to do all over again, I would have been more patient w/ DD. They're little for only such a short time. All these challenges pass so quickly. It doesn't seem like it at the time, but it'll be done sooner than you think. Hang in there!

[TiredX2]

That is really hard.

I'm not sure this will help, but from what I have observed the tandem nursing time when the younger is, say, 4-7 months seems to be about the hardest for a lot of people. There is a good chance that as your younger one grows the older one nursing will bother you less.

I do think, though, that if you decide to wean that you need to be confident in your decision. I half-heartedly tried to nightwean DD a few times and it never worked. Then I got mono AND was pg with DS and I just HAD to sleep more than 60 minutes at a time. She acclimated very quickly to letting me have one 4 hour sleep at night. She could tell I just was NOT going to nurse during that time (well, unless she *really* needed it ). So I agree with the PPs that if you are going to wean your 4 year old you need to tell him that so he can start moving on, too. Since he is old enough (so I assume verbal) you could talk to him about it--- does he want a party, a special gift, time just with you to celebrate that he is moving on?