I don't believe in getting an ultrasound just to find out the baby's gender, and even if we had to get an ultrasound for medical reasons, I wouldn't want to know the gender. I feel strongly about this. I just don't want to know until it's born.
Sometimes, though, I think it'd be nice to know so I could potentially stop worrying....
I managed to convince dh to not insist on circing by presenting the facts and then shutting up and letting him absorb them for a few years. He doesn't like coercing people into doing things (like having unnecessary surgery performed on an infant who can't consent), he is a religious naturalist (so it would make sense not to cut off a body part a baby is born with), he gets that the circ rate is lower now so the kid won't be the only one in the locker room, of course he doesn't want to subject his child to unnecessary medical risks. I think actually the thing that convinced him the most was when I told him I'd had sex with men of both types and didn't think the presence or absence of a foreskin was a big deal either way. I think he was afraid either that his son would be a reject with girls or that I secretly thought there was something wrong with him.
Even so, dh is lukewarm AT BEST and if it were up to him, he'd still have it done.
: I wish he were more on my side but I guess I'll just be grateful there won't be a fight.
I'm more worried about my mom. Normally I wouldn't give a $(*# what she thinks but she is going to be the baby's major caregiver for most of its infancy. Before you go telling me not to do this, please understand that in our situation it's either she does it or I quit my job, and I'm not going to quit my job based on the theoretical risk to a child whose gender I don't even know yet. She is not only rabidly pro-circ, but just personality-wise, 95% of what you say to her goes in one ear and out the other. I'm not even going to try to win her over to my way of thinking, but I need to know that she's not going to try to retract him. I wonder if it will work to get her to make eye contact with me and repeat the words "Clean the outside of the penis like you would a finger" three times.
I'm also wondering if it would be better to just not say anything at all to her, hoping that if I don't make a big deal out of it that she won't either; or if I should maybe bring her along to a pediatrician appointment. Our older child is a girl so I have no direct experience with our pediatrician on intact issues but he is listed on MDC's sticky of intact-friendly pediatricians, so that's a good sign, right? She tends to listen to doctors, so maybe if HE explains to her that they used to think it was necessary but now it isn't, it will go over better...?
One thing she threatened to do to me last time was to sic my uncle on me. My uncle and I have a close relationship (if this is indeed a boy I am thinking about naming him after him), and he is financing my education. He is a doctor. The worst I can imagine him telling me is, "There are pros and cons, so consider both sides carefully before making your decision." Seriously, what else can he say? He knows the AAP guidelines and all of that, and he's a calm, rational person, the opposite of my mother.
I DO know that if I knew a bunch of people were making a big deal talking about my genitals, I would be mortified! So I don't want to make a bigger deal about it than it has to be!
Sorry this is so long....Do you think maybe I ought to reconsider my position on ultrasound so I'll know if I need to be thinking about this at all? Do you think there's a way of getting dh over to "our" side, or should I be content that he'll let me have my way? Should I keep my mouth shut to my mom or should I have her talk to our doctor? Should I be proactive and tell my uncle ahead of time about the problem or should I keep my mouth shut about it, too, and wait and see?
Sometimes, though, I think it'd be nice to know so I could potentially stop worrying....
I managed to convince dh to not insist on circing by presenting the facts and then shutting up and letting him absorb them for a few years. He doesn't like coercing people into doing things (like having unnecessary surgery performed on an infant who can't consent), he is a religious naturalist (so it would make sense not to cut off a body part a baby is born with), he gets that the circ rate is lower now so the kid won't be the only one in the locker room, of course he doesn't want to subject his child to unnecessary medical risks. I think actually the thing that convinced him the most was when I told him I'd had sex with men of both types and didn't think the presence or absence of a foreskin was a big deal either way. I think he was afraid either that his son would be a reject with girls or that I secretly thought there was something wrong with him.
Even so, dh is lukewarm AT BEST and if it were up to him, he'd still have it done.
: I wish he were more on my side but I guess I'll just be grateful there won't be a fight.I'm more worried about my mom. Normally I wouldn't give a $(*# what she thinks but she is going to be the baby's major caregiver for most of its infancy. Before you go telling me not to do this, please understand that in our situation it's either she does it or I quit my job, and I'm not going to quit my job based on the theoretical risk to a child whose gender I don't even know yet. She is not only rabidly pro-circ, but just personality-wise, 95% of what you say to her goes in one ear and out the other. I'm not even going to try to win her over to my way of thinking, but I need to know that she's not going to try to retract him. I wonder if it will work to get her to make eye contact with me and repeat the words "Clean the outside of the penis like you would a finger" three times.
I'm also wondering if it would be better to just not say anything at all to her, hoping that if I don't make a big deal out of it that she won't either; or if I should maybe bring her along to a pediatrician appointment. Our older child is a girl so I have no direct experience with our pediatrician on intact issues but he is listed on MDC's sticky of intact-friendly pediatricians, so that's a good sign, right? She tends to listen to doctors, so maybe if HE explains to her that they used to think it was necessary but now it isn't, it will go over better...?
One thing she threatened to do to me last time was to sic my uncle on me. My uncle and I have a close relationship (if this is indeed a boy I am thinking about naming him after him), and he is financing my education. He is a doctor. The worst I can imagine him telling me is, "There are pros and cons, so consider both sides carefully before making your decision." Seriously, what else can he say? He knows the AAP guidelines and all of that, and he's a calm, rational person, the opposite of my mother.
I DO know that if I knew a bunch of people were making a big deal talking about my genitals, I would be mortified! So I don't want to make a bigger deal about it than it has to be!
Sorry this is so long....Do you think maybe I ought to reconsider my position on ultrasound so I'll know if I need to be thinking about this at all? Do you think there's a way of getting dh over to "our" side, or should I be content that he'll let me have my way? Should I keep my mouth shut to my mom or should I have her talk to our doctor? Should I be proactive and tell my uncle ahead of time about the problem or should I keep my mouth shut about it, too, and wait and see?
Just having you all as a sounding board has helped a lot! I think I'm going to decline the US, try to stop worrying until the birth, and then if it's a boy, for sure talk to my pediatrician in advance and then see that my mom talks to him, and possibly also call my uncle to head her off at the pass.
: You are a great momma!
