GD in public places

[lindsayjean]

Just wondering how you handle "unruly" behavior in public. I am pretty confident with how we do things... just want to hear what others do.

Just thought of this while we were having breakfast at a very very uncrowded order and sit type place this morning. We are regulars and the people there all know us, we only go when it's not busy, and when she is done eating our 2 year old likes to wander a bit-- she doesn't bother anyone and it's only for a few minutes. I see no issue with it since she's not bugging anyone or being loud and it's not busy and she is TWO for goodness sake. Then when we were leaving she made some face prints on the glass door and laughed at them. I saw a lady give me a disGUSTED look like "control your child!" and I was thinking- what's the harm in it? I mean, would you rather me take her out of there kicking and screaming? I feel like that would be WAY more distruptive- to cause a scene- just like if we tried to confine her to sitting while we were quick finishing up (we are ALWAYS keeping an eye on her though and she wanders RIGHT next to us).
So, I just gave DD a towel and asked her to wipe her face marks off the glass before we left and then we left... no unhappiness, no big deal. I just realized... oh yeah, people seem to expect hardcore like DISCIPLINE.

We got in and out of there without a scene, or even a toddler who ever was upset in any way and who didn't get into any trouble or do anything wrong.

Tantrums... if we do have one in public I let it run it's course. Yes, I try to go someplace quiet or out of the way as not to disturb others, but I am not going to "get my kid to shut up" by bribing them or something.

[Shannie77]

I would of handled it exactly the same way. Some people will give you a dirty look just because you have a kid. I also give DD as much freedom as is realistic. It keeps her happy. I have had people give me funny looks because I let DD get more than an arms reach away.

I handle tantrums the exact way you do. I try to take her to a more secluded spot and let it run it's course. When I have done this I have been given dirty looks from people walking by and I am sure it is because they think I should be doing something more.

Another thing I do is if I need to remind DD of something. For example we often go to Mastermind (toy store) where they have lots of things out for kids to play with. Sometimes DD needs to be reminded that the toys stay in the store, or that she needs to put things back. When I need to do this I go up to her and kneel down and quietly remind her. I much prefer this to yelling across the store. I remember being yelled at by my mom in front of my friends (granted I road my bike out on an amber light!). To this day I can remember the humiliation.

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

I think you handled the face print thing fine. However, please do not let your child "wander" in a restaurant. There are so many hazards -- both to her and to the waitstaff. She could be seriously burned or cut if she were in the wrong place at the wrong time. As a former waitress, I can tell you the nightmare of my life were small kids wandering unattended and the fear that I would trip on them with hot plates/cups in my hands. Just as you wouldn't let her wander in a parking lot because people in cars can't see her, a waitress with a tray won't see her either. While the results wouldn't be fatal, they could still be bad. And if the waitress managed to avoid your child at the expense of another diner's breakfast, or her own ankle, the staff member will take the brunt of the consequences. Not to mention the fact that restaurants store chemicals and hot things in odd, accessible places. Its neither fair nor safe for others to allow her to wander alone. If she isn't old enough to sit for breakfast, either don't go out, take her outside as necessary or, as a last resort, wander with her holding her hand.

[mama_miiteg]

good question - parenting in public is one of my shakiest parenting areas in general. I find that if I sense "Joe Public" (or Josephine Public) is expecting a certain kind of discipline in the past I have found it difficult to not follow the expectations. It's so silly of me when I do this as it always results in tears and upset needlessly, and I know it's coming from a place in me that is totally not about discipline or meeting my family's needs or even my own but rather about pleasing the onlookers. I have to actually concentrate and focus in on my child(ren) in the situation and do a quick self check to see if I really do think the situation warrants intervention/connection/correction whatever. Then I have to check in quickly again to go over my options and take an action that a) I think will work and b) I think fits with how I want to deal with the situation. For me, this takes a lot of concentration when I feel watched or there is an audience. particularly an audience that has a set of expectations about children's behaviour and parental discipline strategies.

As to the pp's advice about the hazards of a restaurant, I had the impression from the OP that this was a very quiet, not many patrons counter service situation where the OP's family is very comfortable and are regulars. I didn't perceive a lack of sensitivity to the restaurant staff or the safety of the child in the OP's post. Your points are well taken regarding busy restaurants though - I find this particularly challenging at some of the big pizza chains that have a very flashy environment that seems to make my kids want to get up and dance. Not safe in a crowded house! But I don't think a quiet neighbourhood breakfast cafe mid morning where the family know the staff and it's all comfortable is a "don't let your two year old out of her seat" scenario.

So, yes, parenting in public carries its own challenges for me certainly and I try very very hard to stick to my game plan even when I perceive other expectations around me. I don't always find it easy though.

[lindsayjean]

yes, this was not a restaurant per se... no wait staff, and the staff all love my child and know her by name and laugh at her when they see her walking around. Never out of eye shot and as soon as I saw her near somebody or if someone was carrying something I would immediately grab her if need be. I would NEVER let her wander in a restaurant that has a wait staff or was even remotely busy and not for long periods of time anyway

I was more wondering how other people handle things like this... not looking for someone to tell me I'm wrong, thanks

[NiteNicole]

How we handle it -

We never let our daughter wander. If she got restless, one or the other of us would take her outside. There was a good 18 months or so where she just could not sit long enough to eat out, so we didn't. It was too much work! Then, as with so many other things, one day she just got a whole lot better at sitting still so now we can go out to eat and not spend most of our time child-wrangling. Well, most of the time.

As for tantrums - she cried a lot when she was a baby due to reflux and being generally miserable. If I couldn't leave, I would try to distract her, feed her, or get her to sleep. None of those ever worked, but I tried anyway. She's only had one major blow out in public since she was old enough to walk and that was just bad timing all around. I still think that the best thing for HER is to make sure she's well rested and well fed before we go anywhere. If I miss those things and she has a melt down, again if I can't leave, I try offering distractions, seeing if she's hungry, or maybe get her to nap. Those things don't usually work, but I try them till we can beat it out of there.

[Breeder]

For tantrums - we just leave, we always have. It was especially easy to do when DS was 2. We'd just scoop him up and take him out of the place we were in: store, resturant etc, and stand next to him quietly, until he could return when he was ready to be calm. If we were somewhere we didn't have to be (a park) we would just go home. This worked well for us and soon DS did not melt down as much.

For the roaming, we were lucky. At home we maintain that you need to stay at the table until dinner is over. (He is a naturally slow eater so it's never been much of an issue anyway). If he happens to finish early at a resturant he would go into his backpack and pull out crayons and paper or a book or small toy and play quietly until we were done. We just kept a backpack full of paper, crayons, small books and toys in the car at all times. It was a life saver in resturants and waiting rooms.