Breakthrough...

[peaceful_mama]

Not (that I know of YET anyway) with child.

But with myself.

I'm not at all proud to admit this, but I've been a *bad* yeller for awhile now. I think what I've been doing is trying to give too many "chances" and just getting more PO'ed when they don't eventually do what I'm asking.

Well....tonight I totally followed through on a situatiion with DS and I did NOT flip out on him.

DS is 4 1/2. A couple weeks ago, I posted about his running away in a store, almost outside. (this is relevant, I'll get to the point quick)

Well, tonight, he was in the "pond" behind our apartment building playing. (Kids were out having a squirt gun battle today, it was like 90 or so)

We have talked about this pond and playing behind the apartments a couple of times before. I have told him in no uncertain terms that he is NOT to be playing back there unless he brings me with him.

Well, tonight, I informed him that since he'd gone behind the apartments and played in the pond (another thing we have talked about specifically a couple times since I first saw it by following him back there.)
He had to come in the house and be done playing for the night.

I also took away watching cartoons and playing on my computer. (This child would not see being inside as anything big if he still got to do those two things.)

(maybe it seems a little much for age 4....but to me the store incident, running behind the apartment building, he's ignored my rule about going to the complex playground without me a couple times---it was time for SOMETHING that would *really* get it through that I am SERIOUS.)

AND.....I did not flip out when he did what I expected and cried about it. I said things like "you wish you were outside", and moved MYSELF away and went about my own business. (Still there and available if needed but letting him blow off steam)


He eventually ended up going to bed early, which I think was half the problem--he's been getting up consistently at 7 or even before and staying up until 9---where in the winter, wake-up was 7-7:30 pretty consistently and bedtime was 8, 8:30 at the very absolute latest--like the weekend.

(Oh and we did talk about what he did and why I don't want him to do it. Why he was inside. And the fact that this will happen again if he chooses to go back there again. I plan on reviewing the 4 "outside rules" before we go out tomorrow. They are: Stay in front of the building. Adult must go with you to the playground. Don't go in anyone's house without Mom. Stay out of the parking lot.)

[foreverinbluejeans]

In Indiana children have to be 12 to play outside without a parent or care provider. When my children were young we lived in university family housing and the rule was enforced. If your child was outside without you, you could be evicted and even have to pay the rest of the school year's rent.

We also lived in a section 8 housing complex that somewhat enforce the have to be 12 to play outside rule. It seemed strange because some kids in Indiana have to walk over a mile to school in Indiana and they can walk alone. In first grade. And cross major streets. When we lived in university housing I made a big deal about this and there started being bus service.

I think you will find in most states there are laws about playing outside and that 4 year olds can't play outside. Kids that age were taken from their parents in Indiana. You might want to check state and local laws. If there is a pond there is no way it is safe to let children play outside.

[momma_unlimited]

No criticism of enforcing boundaries... but are you positive he's really old enough to handle being responsible about his location, and being able to control his impulses to explore and go on an adventure? Every child is different- I don't think my kids can handle that- not because they aren't great kids but because it's their inclination to explore.

It's great that you can catch yourself before you explode!

[4inMyHeart3inArms]

Congrats on not exploding!

I think you turned a logical consequence into punishment though, if you had just stopped at having him come inside that would have been perfect!

[peaceful_mama]

Let me be specific--he's NOT outside alone! My mom lives with us, and either she or I are always outside with them! I also have a 6 month old, so what I need is for the 4 yr old to stay in sight and not go on these 'explorations' while I am nursing the baby! (before you suggest I get some sort of sling, I have several. He overheats, even in nothing but a diaper, and does not last more than about 10 minutes in one, if that.)

it's been an ongoing thing and I probably should have enforced some stuff back when he was 2 and I had little newborn DD....but well, it was a stressful time with DH working two jobs, my dad was still alive and not doing well, I didn't discipline things like him leaving me packing stuff up at the park and getting in our van. I was just happy I found him and let it be.
Now though, I have a 4 year old who thinks he can just go and do whatever he wants.

I took away TV and computer in the house because my kid honestly would not care about being inside if he still had them.

[mom22girls]

I was a bad yeller too. I found changing my diet helped a lot. Also, being on this board helped tremendously - sometimes, we don't have the right tools, or the right thing to say, and we are frustrated. I feel like it's my inner toddler coming out!!!

One tool that helps me get back on track, is if there is a "transgression" by one of my children, and I can't think of an appropriate consequence - is to put a little symbol on my calendar (a different mark for each child). For some reason, it helps me move on from what happened. If there are a lot of symbols for a child - we talk about it later.

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