help xposted from parenting the childhood years

[Nillarilla]

DS is 3 and I posted a while back about his 'tantrums' and while those seem to have subsided (mostly) he's still have emotional outbursts over everything!!! I know I need to read more because I'm starting to not understand what he needs. I don't even really know what the actual problem is other than for the majority of the days I can't stand my son. I feel awful about it.
He's whiny and clingy and cries at the drop of a hat. It doesn't seem to matter how much attention I pay to him as soon as I stop he starts the whining and crying. It's definitely an attention getting behaviour.
He is also very touchy and fiddly. I can't stand this. If I am cuddling with him he starts twirling my hair or stroking my arms and stuff. I am very ticklish and I can't stand this. I have told him that I don't like it and if he does not stop when asked I will put him down. I always have to put him down. He will never stop when asked. Then when he's put down he bursts into very loud tears and leans against me and tries to crawl back up. If given another chance he always starts the fiddling again. He has no ideas about personal space and will crawl all over anyone including strangers. How do I teach him about touching boundaries and personal space?

He always whines at supper time and says he doesn't like whatever is being made and that it's yucky even if it's his favorites. This is probably because I cannot pay attention to him at this time. I've tried letting him 'help' but he won't stay away from the sharp or hot things.
These are just a few examples. But it seems like if he does not get his way he will cry and yell to get it. I guess it feels like I caused this. I'm struggling with what to do. Do I ignore it? That seems to make it worse but it seems like if I respond to it I'm teaching him that is a good way to get what he wants. I've tried saying "You need to speak nicely before I can help you" or something similar. It's not working!
I really want to enjoy spending time with him but I cannot entertain him all day. I don't want to use the tv even though that makes the whining stop it causes a huge meltdown when I shut it off. I know this is rambling because I'm confused. Please help with whatever advice you have.

[foreverinbluejeans]

You don't even mention your 3 month old baby! His behavior and how you feel about it may be attributed to the new baby. Your hormones are telling you to focus on the baby and you have this intense 3 year old.

A common thing parents do is tell the sibling that they are the big brother, the helper, and that they love the baby and have to hug the baby. The big brother may not like the baby at all. Why would they. The baby comes along and upsets everything in the household. Letting him know he doesn't have to be the helper and you understand if he doesn't like the baby may help.

It sounds like he might have some tactile issues. I had a son with tactile sensitivities and he benefited from physical and occupational therapy. You might want to have him evaluated, his behavior doesn't sound normal.

Sometimes when our kids bug us the most it is usually the time to get closer not to give up and pull away. In 2 weeks or a month things may be better.

Crying, yelling, and whining are usually parent taught behaviors. If a child never gets what they want when they do these then they learn not to do it. Ignore it.

Having a 3 year old does mean entertaining him all day. Meeting local moms can make a big difference. You can get out and do things with other moms and make friends.

[Nillarilla]

Originally Posted by foreverinbluejeans

You don't even mention your 3 month old baby! His behavior and how you feel about it may be attributed to the new baby. Your hormones are telling you to focus on the baby and you have this intense 3 year old.

A common thing parents do is tell the sibling that they are the big brother, the helper, and that they love the baby and have to hug the baby. The big brother may not like the baby at all. Why would they. The baby comes along and upsets everything in the household. Letting him know he doesn't have to be the helper and you understand if he doesn't like the baby may help.

It sounds like he might have some tactile issues. I had a son with tactile sensitivities and he benefited from physical and occupational therapy. You might want to have him evaluated, his behavior doesn't sound normal.

Sometimes when our kids bug us the most it is usually the time to get closer not to give up and pull away. In 2 weeks or a month things may be better.

Crying, yelling, and whining are usually parent taught behaviors. If a child never gets what they want when they do these then they learn not to do it. Ignore it.

Having a 3 year old does mean entertaining him all day. Meeting local moms can make a big difference. You can get out and do things with other moms and make friends.

You are right I didn't mention the baby. The behaviour does not seem to stem from her. We don't call him the helper or emphasize that he's the big brother. We also don't ask him to hug or kiss her. If he does it's on his own initiation. He really does love and enjoy her and it is very evident. If the behaviour were happening when I am needing to pay attention to the baby i.e. nursing or nap time I would feel that that is the main reason. However it never happens then. I'm actually beginning to wonder if he has blood sugar issues. Watching him the last few days it all seems to revolve around food. He needs to snack all day or he gets extremely grouchy, needy and touchy.
I'll look into the tactile sensitivities thanks.

[foreverinbluejeans]

I'm really surprised the baby doesn't disrupt his life, a lot. My grandson is living with me right now. We have 5 adults in the house to hold and care for the baby and it's still hard. You must be doing a great job with the baby!

Dietary changes sounds like a good idea. I hope it helps.