Absurd meal planning

[katiesk]

this is really just a vent.

my dp's parents are coming to stay with us for five days...they visit often, which i appreciate mostly. however! his dad has such ridiculous eating habits...he essentially only wants to eat red meat. maybe sometimes a potato on the side or something. he also loves fast food.

dp, dd and i don't eat much meat. sometimes we have game, and we have fish pretty regularly. i rarely buy meat, but when i do, i buy nice organic chicken or something.

dp and i are both very good cooks and we eat alot of vegetables, some ethnic food, a wide variety of healthy things.

it is so frustrating when his parents are here because his dad "can't" eat whatever we are having. i try to be sensitive to his likes and dislikes, because he is our guest and i do want to prepare something that he will like, but he does not like anything! i really don't feel ok about stocking up on steak and pork chops...and even if i did, i would not want to feed it to my family for five days straight.

he won't eat anything with vegetables in it and he won't eat anything that does not have meat in it...

for instance, i thought i would make a nice lasgana with mushrooms because he will eat mushrooms...but apparently he won't eat the lasagna without meat in it.

they are always more than willing to go out to eat, but that gets expensive, unhealthy and ridiculous to eat out every meal for five days

since my lasagna was a terrible idea, i am going to make a quiche with mushrooms...and we'll have a vegetable on the side, i guess.

i'm not trying to be mean and insensitive...i just get so annoyed and i think he is being incredibly immature and modeling stupid behavior for my baby. he is always hoping that she won't like whatever vegetable i offer her...and is always encouraging her (even though she has no idea what he is saying now, she will soon) to not eat her vegetables and have like, a steak or something instead.

he can't even pick out the things he doesn't like...if a piece of zucchini or pepper or spinach touches his food, he "can't" have that. he'll just go to mcdonalds instead...and be grouchy about it.

so i am trying to think of meals that everyone will be happy with. i'm not coming up with much right now beyond the quiche...i do have a bit of chicken, but enough for one meal and i'm not sure what i'll do with it. i don't think he eats soup, either.

[lil_earthmomma]

Sheesh, talk about rude and immature behaviour! I've posted numerous times about my various eating problems, how picky I was and even as a child I would never be that rude.

If it were me, I would have a beautiful steak dinner, with potatoes and a yummy veggie dish or salad on the side the first night they arrived.

Then I would cook what I wanted, with some wholehearted attempts to please.

How about a roast chicken? Easy, delicious, leaves you with bones for stock!

Tacos? Then you and your family can have yummy veggie filled tortillas, and fil can fill his with ground beef. (yuck) You could do refried beans too! Shred cheese etc. and everyone gets what they want.

Homemade pizza! You make the dough, put out the toppings and fil can make a pizza with what he likes, you guys can make pizzas with toppings you enjoy.

Kabobs on the grill! Do some meat ones, and some veggie ones, and a salad and some garlic bread. Everybody wins.

HTH a little! Let us know how it goes!

Does he eat fish at all? Salmon?

[fruitfulmomma]

If it were me, I would have a beautiful steak dinner, with potatoes and a yummy veggie dish or salad on the side the first night they arrived.

Then I would cook what I wanted, with some wholehearted attempts to please.

This. And if he doesn't like it, he can purchase and prepare his own meals.

Seriously, I am dealing with food intolerances here and while I appreciate the efforts of those who host us to make foods available that we can eat, I don't expect them to go out of their way to make sure every single dish was appropriate for us.

[Carley]

Does he like roasts? Roasts are cheap & can last several meals e.g. beef roast = roast beef sandwiches (just like arby's! harhar!) pork roast = carnitas

You can just cook a couple of meatroasts & then cook the meals that you normally do to accompany (for the rest of you who like other foods).

And mmmm kebabs kebabs! You got me hungry earthmama!


I dunno. I get the whole "PITA" thing, but really. I accomodate family, pretty much period. I love them.

[katiesk]

I accomodate family, pretty much period. I love them.

exactly. and while this 'family' is relatively new to me (dp's extended family) i really value their presence in our lives...and am learning to like them and love them. it is sometimes hard!

you all are so sweet. thank you for reading my ridiculously long vent. and thanks for such great suggestions! really, thanks!

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by lil_earthmomma

If it were me, I would have a beautiful steak dinner, with potatoes and a yummy veggie dish or salad on the side the first night they arrived.

Then I would cook what I wanted, with some wholehearted attempts to please.

This.

Originally Posted by Carley

Does he like roasts? Roasts are cheap & can last several meals e.g. beef roast = roast beef sandwiches (just like arby's! harhar!) pork roast = carnitas

You can just cook a couple of meatroasts & then cook the meals that you normally do to accompany (for the rest of you who like other foods).

And, I think this is a good idea. Then, there's meat available for him.

I can see accommodating this, to a point (although it would drive me crazy, and we do eat meat - every dinner). However, if you have nice cooked roast available, and he chooses fast food or something, that's his problem. You don't have to eat what he eats, and you don't have to make a separate meal every single night, either.

Oh - and I'd find a way to shut him down with your dd asap. I'm willing to indulge my guest's dietary idiosyncrasies...but I'm not willing to have someone undermine the way I feed my children, especially not under my own roof!

[cristeen]

I think you've gotten some great advice so far.

When they suggest going out to eat, are they expecting you to pay? Are they insisting on going to fast food? Do you get any say in the restaurant?

If they're willing to pay for dinner, and it's not fast food, then I'd have no problem on letting them take you guys out once or twice for dinner to lessen the stress on you. Make sure you go somewhere that meets everyone's food requirements and allow yourself to enjoy it.

As for breakfast and lunch - Eggs for breakfast should be fine. Pick up a package of sausage or bacon if you need to and let him have eggs and toast for breakfast. For lunch, get some lunchmeat and just let him make sandwiches that meet his dietary requirements. Then you only have to worry about dinner.

After a single visit like you described, I would stop trying so hard to please him. I take pride in my food and my cooking, and if anyone acted so childish and insulting about it, I wouldn't be cooking for them again (and it has happened - I order take-out when we eat with people like that).

[Chinese Pistache]

That sounds like my dad, except if he wouldn't be grouchy if he went to fast food instead of eating our food I like the ideas you've gotten so far. I hope it all works out. What does your dh think?

[katiesk]

wow. well things have been going surprisingly well! dp's dad liked the quiche i made, in spite of the fact that it was meatless... it's a little weird, but they brought a ton of food with them. they said they went "grocery shopping" for us - which is thoughtful and generous and i am certainly not complaining. the part that is weird is that our entire kitchen is now full of junk food. pop tarts, cookies, chips, all kinds of other things masquerading as food...that are not really food. it's good though because while they bought all of these things for us, at least now there is plenty in the house that they will eat. we really don't eat most of what they brought, so i hope they are not insulted by that. i was profusely thankful...

[an_aurora]

Sounds alot like my ILs! They go and buy a ton of overprocessed frozen 'convenience' food that they eat in between meals, since FIL eats at least 5-6 full meals a day instead of the 3 that the rest of us eat.

[prothyraia]

It sounds like they're trying to make everything work out too!

I bet you anything they had a conversation before they came to visit that went something like this:

"DS and DIL eat some weird stuff. Ugh, I love them, but if I have to eat nothing but vegetables for a week I'll go crazy. She works so hard making stuff for us, though- she shouldn't have to cook exactly what we want all the time. Maybe we should just bring a bunch of stuff that we'll like to eat so we don't have to live on asparagus. We'd share it with them of course! Do you think they'll get offended? I really hope they don't take it the wrong way..."

[katiesk]

DS and DIL eat some weird stuff. Ugh, I love them, but if I have to eat nothing but vegetables for a week I'll go crazy. She works so hard making stuff for us, though- she shouldn't have to cook exactly what we want all the time. Maybe we should just bring a bunch of stuff that we'll like to eat so we don't have to live on asparagus. We'd share it with them of course! Do you think they'll get offended? I really hope they don't take it the wrong way..."

thats hilarious! thanks for putting it into perspective!! (although we don't exactly live on asparagus...)

[Poddi]

How about get a few packages of frozen food just for him? You can eat whatever you cooked and he can heat them up in the microwave. I'm so used to cooking many different kinds of food for my family I usually don't feel this is a problem. Due to food allergies and intolerance and other issues sometimes my family don't share food at all. I frequently bake something and put one piece of something different in a pan and cook them in the oven together. i.e. I can bake 5 fish fillet and one chicken breast together. You guys don't have to share food with him.

[snoopy5386]

I don't know, I don't think wanting meat at dinner every night is all that weird. My DH is the same way, he wants some form of meat (beef, pork, chicken or fish) at dinner every night and I don't blame him for it. He is also bad about picking veggies out of things. Some things are easy enough to make. Make your lasagna, but put it in 2 pans, one with meat and one without. Make a chicken and keep all the veggies separate. Homemade mini pizzas with make your own toppings (veggie for you and pepperoni for him), I also like the taco idea, or hamburgers and veggie burgers, go out to eat one night and you are set.
ETA: We always travel with our own food too, mostly because all of our relatives eat junk and I'd rather DD eat some healthy stuff. I always have a cooler and a food bag with milk (lots of relatives don't keep it), cereal, granola bars, fruit, applesauce, goldfish, yogurt, pirate booty, and whatever leftovers we might have around.
I don't eat fish or pork, my SIL doesn't eat beef or pork so family always has a hard time accommodating the 2 of us when we are together at a meal but they always try - I'd be really hurt if they didn't. Sometimes it doesn't work out so well - last time we were all together they made fish for everyone else and chicken for me but cooked it at the same time on the same grill so I got to eat fish flavored chicken, yuck! I choked down a few bites to not be rude but there was no way I could eat the whole thing.

[katiesk]

i know. it's really not that weird to eat so much meat. we just don't do it. and, i have some ethical issues with buying meat from the store...and that is kind of hard for me to abandon.

does that make sense?

i do want to be accommodating. it's just a little tricky sometimes. and i get frustrated easily because i feel like while i'm trying to be nice, they can get sort of pushy and demanding.

it went ok this time. and hopefully it will go better next time!

[EdnaMarie]

.and is always encouraging her (even though she has no idea what he is saying now, she will soon) to not eat her vegetables and have like, a steak or something instead.

I agree with a lot of the previous posters, and yes they are demanding but hey, it's family. Better than passive agressive, drunk, angry, or, say, racist. Or like someone else posted on here, dropping meds on the floor!

Roast, kebabs, and a steak dinner the first night are all great ideas. You could also cook what you like and then heat up some prepared foods for him, something you can get at the deli, like a chicken or whatever. I agree that it's hard to pay someone to torture an animal for your in-laws but your alternative is to buy a bunch of organic meat on sale.

Anyway now that I wrote all this I see your week has passed so

[emma1325]

I totally hear you on this one. My dad is the same way, with the lovely addition of being addicted to desserts and gallons of sweetened beverages such as soft drinks or sweet tea. I'm not even going to mention the chain-smoking (which goes on outside, but still...the smell!)

What I've learned to do is to treat him like a child since he insists upon acting like one. When my parents come over, I "forget" that he is so ridiculously picky and I don't cater to his childish tastes. I cook what I want to cook, and if he doesn't eat it, then oh well. Sometimes he leaves to eat. Doesn't really bother me. I'm in a little bit of different position because I have 2 girls who are about to be 4 and 6 years old. I'm not going to change what they eat and what my family eats in order to cater to my father's childishness.

Anyway, I know you're looking to find a nice compromise, so here's my tips.

Ground white turkey and/or veggie crumbles instead of ground beef for the lasagna

Meat loaf made with turkey/veggie crumbles and oatmeal

Organic/All Natural Deli Meat, whole grain bread, veggies and real cheese to go on the sandwiches

Orrr, getting back to the lasagna deal, you could buy a frozen beef lasagna and make a yummy organic mushroom lasagna as well. Then family members could pick beef or veggie.


Good luck...and again...I feel your pain!

[tinybutterfly]

You've gotten a lot of good advice. I was just coming to recommend subbing turkey for ground beef in lasagna.

Good luck!

[Breeder]

I think them bringing their own food was a great thing for them to do.

Me and DS1 don't eat pork or beef, and so we always bring our own food when we visit my folks and often I will cook at least one meal while there that we can all enjoy.

I think you sound like a WONDERFUL DIL. I hope I'm lucky enough to have such a great person partnered to my kids when they grow up.

[HappiLeigh]

Glad it's going well! I have very similar issues with my in-laws, who are coming this weekend. We eat a lot of chicken cutlets with breadcrumbs when they are here, because it feels like some sort of overlap between them and us. And things on the grill. My FIL won't eat garlic or onions. Seriously. I cook almost nothing that doesn't start with garlic, onions or both. I love them, but we totally have food difference issues! They also bring tons of food with them, and it feels very the same. Like hey that's nice you brought that random food, and hey isn't it great that now you have something to eat here at my house. It's completely the same when I visit them, too. I bring food! What else am I supposed to be eat at their house? Meat and pop-tarts? The funny thing is, I know MIL has trouble trying to feed us, and it's the same for me when they come. Last time we visited them, she actually set out a bunch of washcloths for me to use in the kitchen because she knows I don't like to use paper towels, I thought that was sweet! But now I'm rambling...good luck!