Help with getting into carseat!

[greenemami]

For the past couple of weeks, we have been having a HUGE issue getting dd into her carseat to go anywhere. She just won't get into it, no matter how much we wait until she is ready, explain where we are going and why (she is 25 months old), talk with her, bribe her, or as a last resort, threaten her (as in, I am going to come put you in myself, not threaten harm) or physically put her in there I have already done all the obvious things, like leave a LOT of extra time before I need to be anywhere, cut way back on car trips, etc., but sometimes we have to go places. We live out in the country, so walking/biking is not an option. It is getting very frustrating, and I am not sure of a gentle way to handle this at this point. Sometimes it is okay to sit in the car for a half hour waiting for her to be ready to get in her seat, but sometimes it literally comes down to physically holding her down into the carseat because there seems to be no other option-PLEASE give me another option! I hate doing this, it makes both of us feel awful and it is not the way I parent at all. Any thoughts?
FWIW, I can't think of anything that triggered her not liking the seat-same seat, facing the same way, no adjustments, so I don't think it is a physical thing-although she is prone to itching and wedgies She went through a period like this about nine months ago as well, to a lesser degree.

[Super Glue Mommy]

IDK if this will work for you but my kids don't mind their carseats. we keep them in the house when not in use and they sit in them when we play games, so maybes thats why they associate the carseat with good times and don't mind sitting in them? might be something for you to try and see...

[ElliesMomma]

wow, i can't imagine waiting around for a half hour. how old is your daughter?

mine just turned three. she totally drags her feet getting into the car seat and it makes it exhausting having to go anywhere. but we do have to go places, like you said.

one thing i do, is i make it very clear that i have zero tolerance for not getting in the car seat *in parking lots*. this is a safety issue. let's say we're leaving the mall, and DD wants to fuss around and horse around and not get in her car seat. let's say i indulge her and stand there with the car doors open. or sit around in the car, not ready to go. let's say a bad person with ill intents watches us and decides we're easy prey. no.

so i just tell her, bad people watch for babies horsing around in parking lots, and they could hurt babies and moms, so you have to get right in, and if you don't i will have to force you in. i have had to follow through on this threat once or twice, but she's pretty compliant nowadays in parking lots and other public places.

in our own garage, getting in the car seat is another matter. i ususally say i will count to three and you better get in, and she usually gets most of the way in.

frankly i can't imagine taking the car seat out of the car and bringing it in the house. i'm too insecure about getting it placed in the car correctly. my husband installed it, and once i took it to a car seat safety check place to have the state police double check the installation.

interested to hear what others have to say...

[Super Glue Mommy]

I can understand that. I don't drive though so often we (me and kids) are travelling in other people's cars. Sometimes my husband drives us places, but then he has to take the carseats out to clean the car, or because he will have people in his car (part of his job). So, we just had to learn how to install the seats properly. It's really not a big deal when you are used to doing it - and we dont have "carseat battles" of course, I only have a 3 1/2, 2 1/2, an 1 year old, so who knows.

[sbrinton]

Hmmm...I have a 2 year old who has no concept of time. He's fiercely independent and really, really wants to get in the car seat on his own.

But if he doesn't do it in a reasonable amount of time...which I consider to be how long it takes for me to get the baby in his carseat, diaper bag and stroller and backpacks and whatever else we need in the car...then I put him in. He can complain, but it's just how it is. He is part of a family and while I care what is important to him, he needs to be flexible and cooperative. He's not the boss.

It sounds to me like you are putting too much control in your kiddo's hands. She needs to know that when you say it's time to get in the car, that's the way it is. If she doesn't get in in 3 minutes (set a timer?), you will put her in.

I remember someone telling me that one of the most important skills toddlers need to develop is distress tolerance - kids need to learn how to deal with life when they are frustrated or upset. I think it's totally fine to help your daughter deal with her frustration. Acknowledge her feelings, but don't let her tantrums prevent you from doing what you need to do.

[mrsfatty]

Honestly, give the choice--do you want to get in your carseat by yourself or do you want me to do it for you?

Count to 10 in your head if she doesn't respond--if she says she's going to do it herself, great...if she says she wants your help great--but after 10 seconds then state if she doesn't climb in her carseat herself by the count of 5 you're going to place her in it, and she won't be able to do it herself anymore. Count to five...put her in her carseat.

The first few times may be dramatic...but, I bet she's going to start wanting to do it herself (she's getting to that age where they want to do it themselves).

Also, can you involve her in the strapping in process (like let her do the clip on top or something--then you "inspect" it afterward to make sure it's secure)?

do you have "carseat toys"--things you just use in the car that are fun for her? or a snuggly stuffed animal to cuddle in the car with (my son needed his puppy in the car--and we always left it there--he'd cuddle with it every trip we took out).

I'd give advance warnings of when you're leaving (5 minutes, 3, minutes, 1 minute)--then get ready and leave...and then when at the car, present her with the options--she does it or you do it.

best of luck.

[rosesarered]

Engage her imagination

One thing that has helped us is playing pretend. For example, we pretend we are going on a jet plane. DD has to get all buckled in before take off. And then we "zoom" down the road and take off. Another scenario dd really likes is Princess. The car is the coach and horses. She usually stops to pick some food for the horses on the way, but gets in fairly quickly once the horses are feed.

I am always amazed how readily my dd responds to a playful solution vs me telling her it is time to get in the car ect. (I have to remember to use the technique more often!)
Good luck!

[TinkerBelle]

I am sorry, but the carseat is non-negotiable in our house.

I would never wait for a child to decide to get into it. With other things, yes we are flexible with, but not the carseat.

I simply put my kids into it. If they got angry, well too bad.

I know how that sounds, but I do not have time, nor the inclination, to sit in a hot car in Florida waiting on children to decide when to get into a carseat or buckle a seat belt.

You can flame me if you wish.

[crowcaw]

Originally Posted by rosesarered

One thing that has helped us is playing pretend. For example, we pretend we are going on a jet plane. DD has to get all buckled in before take off. And then we "zoom" down the road and take off. Another scenario dd really likes is Princess. The car is the coach and horses. She usually stops to pick some food for the horses on the way, but gets in fairly quickly once the horses are feed.

I am always amazed how readily my dd responds to a playful solution vs me telling her it is time to get in the car ect. (I have to remember to use the technique more often!)
Good luck!

This is what almost always worked with us. The game would change every now and them -- I was a monster and the carseat was the only safe place, they were invisible and the only time I could see them was when they were in their seats, or they became invisible when they sat in their seats, .... lately I give them strict orders NOT to get in their seats as it is my job to get them in, etc. dds are 3.5 yo twins and we've been doing it for at least 1.5 yrs. Also great for getting on shoes, coat, picking up toys, etc.

[academama]

My daughter LOVES to count to five before doing whatever it is that she's resisting. So, for example, if she won't let me buckle her in, I say, "Let's count to five while you wiggle!" and then do so. Then she lets me buckle her in.

If she won't actually get in the car, though, that's a bigger problem, because it is a safety issue in a big way. I'm not sure what I would do with that.

[Aliyahsmommy]

I feel like I could have wrote this post! My daughter is 22 months old and I have the same problem. She will sit in the seat next to her car seat, but refuses to actually get in the car seat. I try offering her a certain toy from the car and occasionally that works, but not always. I usually give her a few moments to put herself in, but if she still refuses I tell her that mommy will have to help her. Unfortunately this does involve a little force and much protest, which is really not enjoyable for either of us. Making it a game does not seem to work as she is a little young for that, though I have said lets see how fast you can get in or show me how a big girl would get in etc. What does seem to work every time though is if I have a special snack to offer her once she is in the car seat. Unfortunately I do not always. I really think I should take the same advice I'm giving you.........Keep non perishable snacks in the car and offer them once she is in the car seat. This I know would almost alwayts work with my daughter and hopefully will work for yours too. Though I might try it for the next few days and hit a point where it doesn't work and be right back at square one lol!

[ElliesMomma]

Originally Posted by crowcaw

This is what almost always worked with us. The game would change every now and them -- I was a monster and the carseat was the only safe place, they were invisible and the only time I could see them was when they were in their seats, or they became invisible when they sat in their seats, .... lately I give them strict orders NOT to get in their seats as it is my job to get them in, etc. dds are 3.5 yo twins and we've been doing it for at least 1.5 yrs. Also great for getting on shoes, coat, picking up toys, etc.

i like these ideas! i think i will try them tomorrow. especially the "do not get in the car seat yourself. it is *my* job to put you in." and "do not pick up those toys. i am going to have all the fun." that kind of stuff does seem to work with my three year old.

someone with a child older than three, please tell me that the time comes when they do willingly get into their car seats. please.

[an_aurora]

DD1 is always very compliant about getting into her seat but DD2 is being a pickle about it lately. We do the "do you want to get in or do you want mama to put you in?" and "do you want to buckle yourself or do you want mama to do it?". Sometimes that works, sometimes not. Usually I let her climb into the car, get DD1 buckled, and if DD2 isn't in by then I playfully say "I'm gonna get you!" and she'll generally shriek "no! no!" and get in her seat. When that doesn't work, our standby is bribing her with her vitamins (we keep them in the car for 2 reasons: as bribery to get her in her seat, and because if they are in the house the kids invariably find them and demp them all over the house).

I've also heard of people putting little stamps on their hands as a 'reward' for getting in their seats, but I've never tried it.

[Rico'sAlice]

We just went through this. We went the playful route. I'm not really able to make myself use the brute force necessary to strap him in when he's not cooperating anyway.
DS LOVES car keys and getting in the car and the whole driving thing. He just didn't want to have to sit in the back. SO, I started letting him sit on my lap in the front seat. Then I put the ket in and turn it half way (so it beeps and stuff but I'm not actually running the engine yet, I have a deisel and have to start it like that anyway.) Anyway, once I get the car "on" then I would look at J and get real panicked and say VERY DRAMATICALLY "Oh no! Mama forgot! JoJo goes in JoJo's seat! Oh no, hurrry, hurry." And then jump up and stick him in his seat super fast. After the first few times he started being the one to tell me "Uh oh! JoJo" Now I play really dumb like I don't know what the problem is and he then strongly insists that I put him in his seat. [Something similar has been working for changing diapers/clothes and wearing his bike helmet as well.]
DS really likes to get to feel that he is "smarter" than me and that he is the one making decisions, so he really enjoys the whole process. Every once in a while I have to do it twice but mostly once is enough. Yes it takes a couple of minutes, but they are enjoyable not stressful and it's less than a "fight" would take. If he's really, really fighting it then he's probably just wet his diaper or something.

[Carley]

Originally Posted by TinkerBelle

I am sorry, but the carseat is non-negotiable in our house.

I would never wait for a child to decide to get into it. With other things, yes we are flexible with, but not the carseat.

I simply put my kids into it. If they got angry, well too bad.

I know how that sounds, but I do not have time, nor the inclination, to sit in a hot car in Florida waiting on children to decide when to get into a carseat or buckle a seat belt.

You can flame me if you wish.

:

I give the choice if she's coherant, but there's a time & a place for negotiation & getting in the car isn't that time or the place.

Lately my adorable 3yo has been attempting to throw herself out of the car (e.g. I want to goooooo home mooommeeee I want to go home.... NO.. I don't want to go home! NO NO NO NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! *flings self from carseat*)

Totally a safety issue. She's 3 and as reasonable as a 3yo. Sometimes she can take a deep breath & "talk about this," but sometimes she's a lunatic & I have to pin her in there & move on.

Sometimes people just need to throw crazy fits, you know? Gets all that craziness out of their system. It sucks when that place is the car, but... carseat, you know? Sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do. That's life! Sometimes we gotta cry about it. That's also life!

Try the fun stuff but seriously, set yourself a short time limit with that one. Running errands, going places... these are not areas you need to be explaining to a barely 2 year old.

Get her in the carseat & do your thing. She'll get used to it the less you feed into her drama. You better set this limit down stat or she'll migrate into the "why" and "how" phase. Just imagine how much more time consuming that'll be

[dani76]

Originally Posted by ElliesMomma

someone with a child older than three, please tell me that the time comes when they do willingly get into their car seats. please.

DD will be 4 in a few days, and she loves to get into her carseat! LOL I either race her to the car, or tell her "there's no way you can get in the seat yourself...you're too little!" She squeals when I find her sitting in her seat. Or I'll open her door and say "okay, I'm going to put my stuff in the front seat. You better wait for me to get you in your seat. Don't even think about doing it yourself..." Then I take my time coming around the car as she scrambles into her seat. I look in the car and act all surprised that she is already in there.

To the OP:
But she is almost 2 years older than your DC. I wouldn't wait 30 minutes either. There are a few things that we don't negotiate. Brushing teeth, wearing our seatbelts. I can't think of much else! I hope you two find a solution that works for you.

[greenemami]

Originally Posted by Aliyahsmommy

I feel like I could have wrote this post! My daughter is 22 months old and I have the same problem. She will sit in the seat next to her car seat, but refuses to actually get in the car seat. I try offering her a certain toy from the car and occasionally that works, but not always. I usually give her a few moments to put herself in, but if she still refuses I tell her that mommy will have to help her. Unfortunately this does involve a little force and much protest, which is really not enjoyable for either of us. Making it a game does not seem to work as she is a little young for that, though I have said lets see how fast you can get in or show me how a big girl would get in etc. What does seem to work every time though is if I have a special snack to offer her once she is in the car seat. Unfortunately I do not always. I really think I should take the same advice I'm giving you.........Keep non perishable snacks in the car and offer them once she is in the car seat. This I know would almost alwayts work with my daughter and hopefully will work for yours too. Though I might try it for the next few days and hit a point where it doesn't work and be right back at square one lol!

Lol to this-"special snacK" will occasionally work, but it has to be somethign good like a lollipop or fruit snacks that she almost never gets-problem being that I don't want to end up giving them to her everytime she sits in the carseat!

Thanks for all the advice everyone! I can (almost) always convince her to get into the actual car, so it is not so much a safety issue. She likes sitting in her big sister's booster seat or in the regualar seat, but it is getting her into HER carseat that is the problem We just bought a kind of little kid etch a sketch to leave in the car as a special car toy, although we've tried teh special toy thing in the past without success. Sometimes she will get in if we tell her we will clap for her and say "yay!" when she gets in her seat. Sometimes not. Sometimes she will go running if I say I am coming to help her, usually not. Putting her in that seat against her will literally involves holding her down with one arm and buckling her with the other as she screams and desperately tries to escape-it really feels brutal to me to do that to her, like I said, unless I really have no other choice (i.e. have to be at the bus stop to get older dsd). I bring a book for the 30 minute waits, lol! Sometimes if I just ignore her, she will get in, so I do try not to feed into the drama

I will definitely try the imagination games-she might be a bit young yet though. I am afraid if I start her in the front seat, she will never leave! lol, at least that is wshat has happened in the past. She does love to buckle herself in and always tells me not to help (of course I check it afterwards), so we are working on that angle.

I think it is partly just the age of wanting to make her own decisions and do her own thing. She is generally a sweet, happy kid, I swear! Just likes to follow her own plans, lol.

Thanks for the BTDT and commiseration-it helps to know that others are going through it!

[Shannie77]

My DD also went through this at around 20 months. I tried every gentle approach I could think of. A couple times a sat around in a parking lot for an hour waiting for her to be ready... and she never was.

Finally I read a post here and some momma counted to 3. I started telling DD you can get into your seat by yourself, or I can put you in. I would count to 3 (and follow her lead in terms of how long 3 took). I never got angry or used a frustrated voice. If I got the three I and she wasn't in I would put her in myself. I felt awful. The first few times I had to put her in myself. Then she started sitting in it herself on count one. Or she would squeal and giggle and get in really fast - I guess it somehow turned into a game. Now she says "MEEE car seat" when we get to the car and 95% of the time she happily gets in.

This method really worked for us, and has made the whole situation much more pleasant for both of us. Like PP said car seats and brushing teeth and other such things are non-negotiable and are really the only things that I find myself having to take a less gentle approach than I would like.

I also have special toys for the car, or a snack handy. Now that we seem to of passed this phase if she resists my first line of defense is to remind her of her special toy etc.

[cattmom]

Just wanted to interject

A couple of years ago I took a class in which a safety expert said giving a child snacks in a carseat is a choking hazard. If the child chokes on anything, you (the driver) aren't in a position to help. I seem to remember this advice being given for passengers under four, because your abilities to chew and swallow food haven't matured. I worry quite a bit about choking - I kept sectioning grapes and hot dogs until well into her second year. But if you're using a carseat to protect your child against one kind of unthinkable accident, you might want to be aware of this, too.

[_betsy_]

I have a small container of Trader Joe's Organic peanut butter and cracker sandwiches. They are about the diameter of a nickel, maybe a bit larger. Two are a great motivator to get DD into her car seat. She finishes them before I even make it around to my side of the car. I only had to resort to that a few times over the course of a month or less probably to get her to be more willing to get in the car seat.

She's 32 months now, and I lift her up and get her into her seat everytime. My car is higher up of the ground though, so maybe that has something to do with it. She has just started to try to climb into the car and then the carseat by herself. She's never buckled or unbuckled the seat by herself. But she LOVES going places (and HATES coming home).

Are you guys aren't expecting a toddler to get in and buckle themselves in? If they do, do you stand right there and check it?