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No Babies/Children Rule Weddings? - Page 4

post #61 of 154
Quote:
Originally Posted by annettemarie View Post
Yep, you accept it. You have the right to make/keep the rule and he has the right not to come.
post #62 of 154
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Originally Posted by EFmom View Post
If you want your friend to usher, you need to invite his family. If you can't do that, accept that while he is still your friend, he cannot accept your invitation. No harm, no foul, it's just a situation that doesn't work out for everyone.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by annettemarie View Post
It's only central because you're making it central. You want to not have babies and you want your friend to come anyway. I just don't think you're going to get what you want.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AllisonR View Post
You do not have to make an exception. No babies. Nothing wrong with that, your wedding, your choice. Your friends wife can not come with her baby. Period. But then YOU must accept the consequences of your decision, that your friend can not come, because for whatever reason, he needs to be at home, taking care of HIS wife and HIS child. You want him to chose you over his family?
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hammieg View Post
The problem is my Ushers wife has taken complete exception to this and is banning my great friend from attending. So do i just accept that he can't come??
Noooo. The problem is that there is a conflict between what YOU need/want for your wedding and what THEY need/want for their family. The no-children rule is non-negotiable for you, fine. The no-separation rule is non-negotiable for them, also fine.

You don't really have any option here other than to accept that he can't come. What else are you going to do? If we somehow all agreed that your friend's wife was a crazy lunatic and of course your friend should agree to come to the wedding....that wouldn't change the reality of the situation that they just AREN'T going to come if they can't bring the baby. You may think that's stupid, you may disagree with it, but it's not your decision.

Your only choice here is whether you accept this graciously and understandingly to help preserve the friendship, or you pitch a fit and insult his wife and take it personally.
post #63 of 154
Quote:
Originally Posted by AllisonR View Post
You do not have to make an exception. No babies. Nothing wrong with that, your wedding, your choice. Your friends wife can not come with her baby. Period. But then YOU must accept the consequences of your decision, that your friend can not come, because for whatever reason, he needs to be at home, taking care of HIS wife and HIS child. You want him to chose you over his family? What kind of friend are you that would want him to do that? Why don't you be gracious to your friend, and say, "I understand you can not come, that you need to be home with your wife and baby. Let's get together sometime in the future when your wife and child can congratulate us as well." I think you ought to maybe step back and imagine that since you do not have a 4 month old, that maybe your friend is in a different place in his life than you are, and maybe you can not understand it, but you can accept it, graciously.
Exactly!
post #64 of 154
Why don't you want kids at the wedding?????Children are such a joy to watch all dressed up and dancing. But I have never been to a wedding where kids were not allowed.
post #65 of 154
I want my daughter soon to be toddler to by my flower girl And my boys, the ring bearers, I think it would be wonderful to make it a family thing, I mean afterall you are all stuck with eachother till death anyway so thats another way of looking at it. Id make it a wonderful memerable experience!.
post #66 of 154
Here here totally agree. Some people do not know how very hard it is to be home with a EBF baby till they have their own. Like heck my husband is going to go out and party when I'm stuck at home.
post #67 of 154
Why am I experience deja vu while reading this thread?
post #68 of 154
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Originally Posted by Black Orchid View Post
Why am I experience deja vu while reading this thread?
Because every wedding thread turns out exactly the same.
post #69 of 154
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Originally Posted by abimommy View Post
Yeah, I agree.

IME weddings without children are booze fests. If I could not attend because I had an infant then I would not want my husband attending either.
IME the presence or absence of children has no bearing on whether a wedding is a booze fest.
post #70 of 154
Quote:
Originally Posted by choli View Post
IME the presence or absence of children has no bearing on whether a wedding is a booze fest.
Exactly.
post #71 of 154
I haven't read all the replies, but if it's important to you, go get any hardcore ettiquette book and it will say that it's always assumed that women with babes in arms (a 4 month old is) are assumed to be bringing the babes in arms. So sayeth Emily Post.

I like it when weddings are about real people, real relationships. If these people are important to you, and this is important to them, then I would stand up for them. It's supposed to be a day about family and love and you. I know sometimes a no-kids wedding is called for, but my whole perspective on weddings is just that babies and kids make sense! good luck navigating the situation!
post #72 of 154
Quote:
Originally Posted by hammieg View Post
Thanks for all the replies everyone. I think i should be a little clearer that this wedding is in england and will be governed by several rules of etiquette. This rule is very normal; as i said at least 90% of the weddings i go to have it. The rule is also not going to be bent no matter what happens. All the other guests are ok with it and as some have mentioned are happy for the excuse to get some time out. Another guest is also in the same boat and his wife has happily stayed at home to let the husband come along. The problem is my Ushers wife has taken complete exception to this and is banning my great friend from attending. So do i just accept that he can't come??
Definitely you would need to accept that. Once children come for many family is a package deal. It is for us as well. Not sure if you're planning on having a family some day but I sense you'll be looking back on this rule and maybe thinking it's not such a great one?

And as a wife myself, your rule excludes her presence because she cannot be separate from her baby. That's just how it is. There are many who believe that there is a fourth trimester to pregnancy. In some cultures, baby and mother are not even considered separate beings until a year has passed...developmentally, it takes several months for the child to understand that he & mum are separate...so separations (no matter how we justify them) can be traumatic for a child that young. And if your rule excludes the wife, which it does...it makes sense to me that the husband should support her as his loyalties are to her for life....kind of like the vows you'll be making on that day to your future wife.
post #73 of 154
Quote:
Originally Posted by funfunkyfantastic View Post
Oh, and if I were in the usher's situation, i'd boycott the wedding too, and probably get just as many people as I could to boycott the wedding. Not a good situation if you ask me!

Which is malicious, spiteful and a good deal ruder than any invitation requesting that children be left at home. I only hope you were joking. :
post #74 of 154
Quote:
Originally Posted by TCMoulton View Post
It's one evening and his friend's wedding - it is childish and demanding. I assume that this usher helps co-parent at other times, a few hours away from home certainly would not be unmanageable.
I agree. A wedding is a hugely important event in someone's life. To insist that your husband missed a good friend's wedding because you're annoyed with the friend - well, I just can't imagine doing such a thing.
post #75 of 154
Quote:
Originally Posted by slylives View Post
I agree. A wedding is a hugely important event in someone's life. To insist that your husband missed a good friend's wedding because you're annoyed with the friend - well, I just can't imagine doing such a thing.
Why would you assume she's insisting he stay home because she's annoyed with the friend?
post #76 of 154
Quote:
Originally Posted by hammieg View Post
I of course would like to be flexible but the inlaws are not bending on this rule which i respect as being their right no matter how a feel about it.
umm...how is it "their right"? I thought this was your wedding. Your in-laws don't get to determine your guest list. Are they always control freaks or is this unusual for them?
post #77 of 154
Quote:
Originally Posted by hammieg View Post
Thanks for all the replies everyone. I think i should be a little clearer that this wedding is in england and will be governed by several rules of etiquette. This rule is very normal; as i said at least 90% of the weddings i go to have it. The rule is also not going to be bent no matter what happens. All the other guests are ok with it and as some have mentioned are happy for the excuse to get some time out. Another guest is also in the same boat and his wife has happily stayed at home to let the husband come along. The problem is my Ushers wife has taken complete exception to this and is banning my great friend from attending. So do i just accept that he can't come??
Of course you accept it. What else can you do? It's his choice whether or not he wants to attend.

Honestly, the tone of your post bugs me. What the other wife is doing has nothing to do with it. For whatever reason (and there could be many), this particular usher's wife isn't okay with it, and he's backing her up. You have nothing further to do with it. You have a rule in place for this event. They're not comfortable attending with that rule in place. Done deal.
post #78 of 154
Quote:
Originally Posted by funfunkyfantastic View Post
Oh, and if I were in the usher's situation, i'd boycott the wedding too, and probably get just as many people as I could to boycott the wedding. Not a good situation if you ask me!
I read this yesterday but it bothered me - why be so spiteful just because a couple doesn't invite children to a wedding - as the OP mentioned the wedding is at the home of his future in laws, chances are it is not a babyproof home. If his fiancee doesn't have a problem with the no babies/children decision then I believe that should be respected the same as the decision of the guests who cannot attend due to their children.

If I were in the place of the usher's wife I would tell him to have a great time and take a few pictures to show me after - no need for him to miss his friend's big day just as I would assume he would do the same for me if the tables were turned.
post #79 of 154
Quote:
Originally Posted by hammieg View Post
I should have probably pointed out for some others that it is their house where the reception will be and they are paying for it. I did ask my parents about it and they and others were in agreement that they are giving us this "present" so they can make some rules we just sadly have to go along with it. So it's not my choice which is why I'm so confused by the reaction of one person who should be central to the day.
What reaction? He's been invited, and he's declined. He's not actually under some kind of contractual obligation to be your usher, is he? Nothing signed in blood when you were both 18 or anything like that?

Your terms don't work for him. This is done. I don't get what your problem is, to be honest. I'd elope before I'd let someone else "gift" me with a wedding that precluded me from inviting my own guests.
post #80 of 154
Quote:
Originally Posted by hammieg View Post
Things are non negotiable, this is one. We talked about it and cases were put forward from both sides but this was the end result, after all you make exception for one and there are 25 kids behind them wondering why they couldn't come.
Okay. So, what's the issue? Your rules are non negotiable. Your rules don't work for your friend. Your friend has declined to attend. That's the way it works. If an event doesn't work for you, you decline.

(Oh - and I highly doubt there are 25 babes-in-arms belonging to members of your wedding party, so there's some serious exaggeration there, imo.)
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