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Consequence advicr for 11yo ds who has lost his retainer...AGAIN!

post #1 of 21
5/21/09 at 4:36pm
Thread Starter 
My ds has lost his retainer AGAIN! The first time (2 weeks ago) the orthodontist replaced it for free. This time it will cost $250! (Which I DO NOT have!) I'm at my wits end. The first time he lost it I sat him down and explained how he should #1 be more responsible and keep it in it's containter when not in his mouth and #2 how lucky we were that the ortho. would not be charging us to replace it. He refuses to keep it in it's container b/c he says it's embarrassing. Any advice? I really want him to learn a lesson here!
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post #2 of 21
5/21/09 at 8:43pm
With the exception of glasses and ortho, we would never expect an 11 year old to be responsible for something so expensive.

With my son, after two loses, we sat down and spoke with the ortho. He wasn't thrilled with the idea, but he did say that we could try with him wearing it after school and over night. It's worked pretty well.

If that's not possible, is there some kind of permenant retainer that the ortho could put in and take out in a few years?

Just some ideas...good luck!
post #3 of 21
5/22/09 at 6:02am
Perhaps he lost it on purpose then. At 11 if I was embarrassed with it and my parents wouldn't compromise, I would have 'lost' it too.
Why couldn't you have bought a container he would be comfortable with? That seems cheaper than new retainers all the time.
post #4 of 21
5/22/09 at 6:31am
I lost my retainer like ever other day. And so did all of the other kids in my class. Just about every lunch period you would see a random teacher and student with gloves on going through the trash looking for their retainer, after someone threw away their food off the trays and left their retainer in it.

I would pin point the times he is loosing it. If its at lunch times, maybe you could talk to the school nurse and have him drop it off to her before lunch and then go back after lunch to put it back in.

Or maybe get him a cool retainer, i know there were kids that had pink glitter ones, or ones with superman symbols in them.....maybe the he would think its kinda cool.

Other than those, i dont know. I certainly couldnt keep track of my retainer when i was 11.....i think its normal for them to loose them.
post #5 of 21
5/22/09 at 1:06pm
Thread Starter 
Thank you all for your advice and POV's. I have taken them all into account. After some thought and sleep I realize this is just another chapter in the book of Tween that we will indeed get through and in the grand scheme of things it's really no biggie. Thanks for putting things in perspective for me, mamas!
post #6 of 21
5/22/09 at 2:38pm
My sister lost several retainers. My mom and dad had her earn money to help pay for them. She became more careful after that.
post #7 of 21
5/22/09 at 4:55pm
I lost my 1st one at lunch in school after I'd had it for 4 days. By the time I got the 2nd one my teeth had shifted a bit and it hurt to wear it. So I didn't wear it. I would wear it to school and then take it out and put it in my locker where it stayed until I went home. I lost/broke several more because they were never in my mouth! In my pocket, backpack, etc. I only wore it around my parents and even then I would pop it out so it was just in my mouth as opposed to actually on my teeth.
post #8 of 21
5/22/09 at 5:28pm
The rule for glasses and retainers at our house is "on your face or in its case." No exceptions. If they lose glasses/retainer, they have to pay for half of the replacement cost.

No lost glasses/retainers here. I might be a little more lenient with the first time, but the second time, I would be upset. We also had a "contract" with our child who has been in braces (so far) that we all signed before she had them put on. It detailed what we expected her to do (excellent oral hygiene, compliance with treatment plan, being careful with her appliances, etc.) We told her in no uncertain terms that braces were expensive and that if she wasn't serious about having them, we could wait until she was, and that it was a waste of our time, her time and the orthodontists' time to treat her if she wasn't going to be compliant with the treatment plan.

She was absolutely wonderful during her treatment time. She wore headgear and rubber bands without complaint, and wears her retainer faithfully. She does it because she put in the hard work for her gorgeous, straight smile, and she doesn't want to mess it up. I think that involving her with the plan, outlining our expectations as parents and letting her know exactly what the financial cost was helped her to understand exactly what a big deal braces are.
post #9 of 21
5/22/09 at 5:31pm
Is it possible for him to be able to wear it just at night and while not at school?

My husband had to wear a retainer and just didn't use it at school.
post #10 of 21
5/26/09 at 12:29am
They used to do permanent retainers behind the teeth (my college roommate still had hers in and as far as I know, she still has it) - is that still an option? I don't know why they don't do those anyway. My teeth have shifted to the point that I could seirously use another round of braces on the bottom.
post #11 of 21
5/26/09 at 12:49am
Quote:
Originally Posted by FiveLittleMonkeys View Post
The rule for glasses and retainers at our house is "on your face or in its case." No exceptions. If they lose glasses/retainer, they have to pay for half of the replacement cost.

No lost glasses/retainers here. I might be a little more lenient with the first time, but the second time, I would be upset. We also had a "contract" with our child who has been in braces (so far) that we all signed before she had them put on. It detailed what we expected her to do (excellent oral hygiene, compliance with treatment plan, being careful with her appliances, etc.) We told her in no uncertain terms that braces were expensive and that if she wasn't serious about having them, we could wait until she was, and that it was a waste of our time, her time and the orthodontists' time to treat her if she wasn't going to be compliant with the treatment plan.

She was absolutely wonderful during her treatment time. She wore headgear and rubber bands without complaint, and wears her retainer faithfully. She does it because she put in the hard work for her gorgeous, straight smile, and she doesn't want to mess it up. I think that involving her with the plan, outlining our expectations as parents and letting her know exactly what the financial cost was helped her to understand exactly what a big deal braces are.
Amen to this. sounds like a lot of kids don't appreciate what a *privilege* it is to have expensive dental work done. you made sure your child knows it, and doesn't take it for granted. i applaude you as a parent for not only getting the work done for your child, but especially for making sure she knows that this was an expensive gift, not a dreary obligation on your part or something she should resent!
post #12 of 21
5/26/09 at 12:59pm
I think I would make him pay for have of it by having to do extra chores , or aaround the house and set dollars amounts for them, or take it out of an allowance if he gets that, and warn him that next time he will have to pay the full cost
post #13 of 21
11/16/10 at 10:18pm

If he's embarrassed about his retainers, how about getting him case that he will be proud to carry his retainers in.  This might prevent him losing his retainers.  I know when I got my retainers off I wanted to carry them around in a cute box that I wasn't afraid to take out.  I got a Smiling Box for my retainers.  Here's the website www.thesmilingbox.com.  I hope this helps!

post #14 of 21
11/16/10 at 10:27pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by NiteNicole View Post

They used to do permanent retainers behind the teeth (my college roommate still had hers in and as far as I know, she still has it) - is that still an option? I don't know why they don't do those anyway. My teeth have shifted to the point that I could seirously use another round of braces on the bottom.


This is what I would do. I wish my parents had done it for me. I had braces for 5 1/2 years from 5th-10th grade. I didn't wear my retainer either and now at 32 I want braces again. I wish I had realized back then that it was a privilege, not a right, and that I should have been more responsible.

post #15 of 21
11/16/10 at 10:30pm

My son is 10 and while he doesnt have a retainer he has glasses. The rule for glasses is if they get broken he needs to pay 1/2 the replacement cost. (Now I do have insurance on them so it would only be partial but still, I dont have $$ just sitting around).  He has been great about wearing the glasses and 'on your face or in the case'.

 

No dental insurance here and no money for braces so thats not going to be happening any time soon. 

 

Is your DS just staring braces or is he coming to the end of them?  If he is starting and the retainer is some sort of pre-braces thing you may want to rethink the orthodontics for now.  Your DS may not be ready, emotionally and responsibility for this and waiting a couple years could be well worth it.

post #16 of 21
11/17/10 at 1:12am

Dental work and glasses are not gifts to my kids any more than food, clothing or doctor visits are. If I can afford them, they've got a claim on my for them. If I can't afford them, it's a whole different story.

 

I lost my retainer repeatedly at 18. I couldn't talk easily or eat with it in. I broke many a pair of glasses growing up. I'm a responsible adult  and was a really responsible kid.

 

And taking your dental work out around your friends and dragging it around *is* embarrassing. Imagine if you had to take out dentures and keep them in a case while you ate with your friends.

 

What about just sleeping in the retainer rather than trying to keep track of it through out the day? I got a permanent retainer put in for a while. It cut my tongue to shreds, though.

post #17 of 21
11/17/10 at 6:23am
Quote:
Originally Posted by chfriend View Post

And taking your dental work out around your friends and dragging it around *is* embarrassing. Imagine if you had to take out dentures and keep them in a case while you ate with your friends.

 

 

It's middle school. half the kids have orthodontia, and all the "cool" kids do.

 

One of mine is invisalign (the other has gold braces with purple bands). She needs her invisalign in about 22 hours a day. I'm paying THOUSANDS of dollars for this. We talked about what was involved before she got it, and she agreed to it. Otherwise, we would have waited to straighten her teeth until she was old enough to comply.

 

If your child has no interest in complying, can you wait until they are older and do the work then?  Mine with invisalign is 14 and has special needs. We waited to straighten teeth until she was ready emotionally to comply.

post #18 of 21
11/17/10 at 7:03am

I'm in the "should pay part of it" too. It may be unreasonable to expect him to pay for the whole amount but I'm guessing you could find a way for him to raise at least 50 bucks even if it's doing unusual household chores. The first loss or break, yes, it happens (happened to me when I was a kid and sifting through the school lunch garbage was a major lesson.) Maybe even if it happened again 6 months from now... but 2 weeks? Ridiculous.

 

It's sort of silly for him to be embarrassed. I mean, some things you just have to suck up! I don't know about your area but in ours, it seems 3/4's of the kids are in some sort of orthodontia. There are no "cool" retainers for an 11-year-old. Their are no "cool" cases you can be proud of. It's just retainers and they are uncool but they are also a rite of passage these days and it means straight teeth in the future.

 

Does your ortho have an insurance plan? Our does and I bought it for my 13-year-old even though she's been extremely careful with all her ortho care. It gives two free replacements and then two 65 dollar replacements. That was worth 75 bucks upfront to me!

post #19 of 21
11/18/10 at 1:55pm

I didn't let my daughter wear hers to school.  She could lose her backpack at that age, i didn't trust her with a retainer.  Phhh, she's an adult, and I don't think she could keep track of it now.

 

I don't know how you should replace it, (because we wouldn't have that kind of money either) but, if you do, I'd stop having him wear it to school.  I'd maybe cut the Christmas budget for everyone (not just him) and try to replace it if possible.

post #20 of 21
11/18/10 at 1:56pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by whatsnextmom View Post

I'm in the "should pay part of it" too. 


Me too.  If he has money, I'd make him hand it over to put in the "Save for new retainer" fund.  He'll respect it more if he pays for at least part of it.

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