Attachment Parenting?

[hunnybumm]

Ok, I have heard this used a lot and I am just curious if someone can give me a quick short summary of what is considered AP? I hardly have time to pee much less do a search and read through hundreds of web pages. Sorry if this is in the wrong spot or if this question is redundant! Thanks!

[Nemmer]

I prefer to think of it as "responsive" parenting -- viewing your child as a real person with valid needs and opinions. I meet many adults who belittle and ignore what children have to say because the child is "just a kid." I think an AP perspective recognizes the intrinsic value of each child, and encourages parents to respond to children with empathy. For me, a logical application of these ideals leads to parenting practices like co-sleeping, breastfeeding (with child-led weaning), babywearing, no CIO (cry-it-out), and no circumcision. Other mamas also include homebirth (or unmedicated birth), cloth diapering, refusal to vaccinate, and alternative healthcare in their lifestyle. What particular choices we make is ultimately up to each individual as they decide how to best care for their family. But we all seem to share the responsive, caring attitude that recognizes our children as people, not a lesser class of citizens.

That's my opinion on the whole thing, anyway.

[TranscendentalMom]

Ditto on everything above...

I usually define AP as child-centered parenting. You meet the child's needs. A lot of methods focus on the parents needs and how to train the child to meet them. AP is about developing deep bonds with your infant which will last throughout their life and as a result, make later challenges easier. It doesn't mean you don't discipline, but it does mean you treat children respectfully. I don't like to view AP as a list of things you do or don't do. But probably the most common thing most AP parents do is breastfeed. We consider ourselves very AP - we breastfeed, co-sleep for some of the night (early morn), I "wore" my baby when he was little but don't now that he is an active toddler, we do own a stroller which we occaisionally use, we don't let ds cry it out and we always use a gentle, respectful approach when disciplining.

[mamaroni]

Attachment Parenting according to Dr. Sears:

http://askdrsears.com/html/10/T130300.asp

[Piglet68]

It is hard to define Attachment Parenting. But at the same time it is useful to have such a label, because it is quite different from the mainstream parenting approach taken in North America. While those who practice AP can differ in what they do and how they do it, together they will be alot more similar than one who is not AP.

I think Transcendental summed it up best: AP looks to the child's needs first. What is the best food for a baby? Breastmilk. Where is the optimal place for a baby to sleep? Next to it's mother. What is the optimal way for a baby to spend most of its time? Held by it's mother.

You take that, and then tailor it to fit your child's unique temperament. For example, while cosleeping is most certainly the most natural state for a mother-infant pair, some babies do seem to prefer their own space and/or some parents may have sleep issues that prevent them from being a safe sleep partner for their baby. In that case, the family decides not to cosleep. That doesn't make them "non-AP".

HTH!

(by the way, if you want an easy read of what Attachment Parenting is, a great book is "Attachment Parenting" by Katie Alison Granju)

[mama_kass]

AP is listening to your child with your heart. Keeping your child close and connected instead of allowing society to tell you how you are going to spoil your dc. It is letting your child be close on his/her own terms. Treating your dc with the kind of respect adults demand like no hitting or yelling.

The idea is that as a result of keeping your kids close and treating them with respect they will grow into healthy, confident, happy, independent children. This is my experience.

An AP parent might co-sleep but the family who found that their dd sleeps best alone has also implemented an AP practice because they listened to their dd with their heart and did what worked best for dd as an individual. KWIM?

Proud to be an AP mom

[lilyka]

I define attatchment parenting as looking at your childs needs and responding to them. Nothing more nothing less.

A lot of people make thier lists and will do those AP things even if it isn't what thier child needs or even wants. That isn't what it is about. i think you can consider yourself AP even if you do a lot of things that look pretty mainstream. For example, my first prefered to be held as little as possible. She wanted to sleep in her own bed, hated the sling and prefered a stroller or a bouncy chair, perfered the predictability of being nursed/napping on a schedule. All of this really threw me but these were her needs and I responded (after a while ). Cosleeping, breastfeeding, slinging are all great tools to help you become tuned in and connected but certainly aren't nessecary.

Some on also said AP is being child centered. I respectfully disagree. I think Ap is family centered and works towards makeing the child a respected member of the whole family. So you can AP without making your baby the center of the universe (something I didn't understand until I had my second) and meeting thier needs at the expense of everyone else. I am sure this is not what the above poster meant but I have seen my friends take AP to an extreme and have watched thier families suffer because of it. I have also seen small children who had previously been the center of the world crumble when they were dethroned at the arrival of a new baby, new center of his parents world. Does that make sense.

[eilonwy]

I think everyone here asks that question at some point; I know I did. In fact, I think it was my second or third post. :LOL

While most people here are very open minded about what constitutes AP, you will occasionally find people who imply (if they don't just say it outright!) that any choice which they disapprove of disqualifies you from being an attached parent. Most people will tell you that as long as you are meeting your baby's needs and putting your baby's well-being before your own that you are an attached parent. My husband puts it this way: an attached parent is more likely to do something inconvinient for the sake of their child than a mainstream parent. Nursing while you're pregnant and you have very little milk is a pain in the butt, but I'm willing to make the effort because my son needs the milk. Telling a doctor that you want to delay or avoid a vaccination because you don't feel your child is ready for it or needs it at all can be a difficult thing to do, but if you're trying to advocate for your child then you're doing the best thing.

Giving your child formula, vaccinating, circumcising, using a stroller or a crib, or even having a medicated hospital birth; none of these things mean that you're not an attached parent. The difference is that an attached parent tends to make more informed decisions, and will always try to do the best thing for their child and their family. It means you care enough about your work as a mother that you're willing to put in the time and effort to research and honestly think about these decisions, that you're not just doing what someone else says that you should do. Some babies don't sleep well alone, others are much happier in their own spaces. Some mothers have an easy time pumping milk, others can't get enough out for long days of working and use a supplement. It doesn't mean you love your baby any less or are any less attached to him if you're not a "100% organic, homebirthing, breastfeeding, co-sleeping, non-vaxing, non-circ'ing, sling-wearing, wooden-toy buying, bike-riding, tye-dyed family".

[riding13]

I too was going to say that AP is child centered, and this means as opposed to adult centered. I find that is a big difference between myself and some other parents I know. Crying it out is adult centered, even if those parents say it is for the child's own good. I have seen posts on another website of parents saying, "My 2 mth old STILL is not sleeping through the night! I am SOOO tired!" and all these parents instruct her how to let the baby cio and refer her to Ferber and Ezzo. THAT is adult centered, not child centered (and obviously not AP). I do things in my life that meet my child's needs first, and hopefully it doesn't take away from my needs as well. For example, she is so inquisitive, and likes to see me do stuff (probably from being held a lot). When I want to cook something, she clings to me and wants me to hold her because she wants to watch. This really got to me at first, I felt like I couldn't get anything at all done (she takes half hour naps only and dh works 60+ hrs/wk). What I do now, is have her help. She helps me wash stuff in the sink, and that takes three times as long, but it is fun and the salad DOES eventually get made. We take baths together because it is just a lot easier and again, fun. When I decided to quit work to be with my child, I didn't realize how full time that would be. I don't get to do barely anything I used to, but I feel like I chose to take on this job and I want to do the best I can. When I get frustrated, I remember that I think I am parenting in the best way possible and these toddler years will be over before I know it, I don't want to miss anything.

[phathui5]

API (attachment parenting international) lists their 8 ideals for babies. They are:

1.Preparation for childbirth – Connecting early with baby begins with prenatal preparation and alert, active participation in childbirth. You can make informed decisions about the kind of birth you want that will help create a positive experience for you and your baby.
2. Emotional responsiveness
Understanding and responding sensitively to your infant’s emotional needs is the cornerstone of Attachment Parenting. Remember that crying is your infant's way of telling you s/he is distressed. Building a strong attachment or connection with your baby is more than just caring for the baby's physical needs, but also involves spending enjoyable time interacting with your baby or child on a daily basis.
3. Breastfeed your baby
Breastfeeding meets baby’s need for optimum nutrition and physical contact. Breastfeeding has many benefits to the baby, mother, and society and is the most natural way to meet so many of your baby's physical needs. While breastfeeding is the ideal way to feed a baby, parents who are not breastfeeding can still practice Attachment Parenting. We encourage parents who bottle-feed to use “breastfeeding” behaviors. In other words, hold your baby when feeding, talk to your baby and change positions during the feeding. Avoid the temptation to prop the baby’s bottle since your baby will greatly benefit from your touch and holding.
4.Baby Wearing
“Wearing” baby, by holding or use of soft carriers that keep baby close, meets baby’s need for physical contact, security, stimulation and movement; all of which promote optimal brain development. Carried babies cry less too
5.Sharing sleep
It is important to be responsive to a baby’s nighttime needs. API advocates keeping baby in close proximity in a safe sleeping environment. In many cultures it is considered normal and expected for parents to sleep with their children. Recent research has shown that some of the benefits include better quality of sleep for mothers and reduced risk of SIDS for babies. Safe bedsharing includes a safe, firm mattress and parents who are not using drugs or alcohol and who do not smoke near baby. If a parent is not comfortable with the idea of bedsharing, remember the key is close proximity and responsiveness to the infant’s nighttime needs.
6. Avoid frequent or prolonged separations
Babies have an intense need for the physical presence of a loving, responsive parent. Through daily care and loving interactions strong parent-child attachments are formed. Frequent or prolonged separations can interfere with the development of secure attachments. Try to keep separations down to a minimum when your preverbal baby is young and be responsive to your baby's need for your physical presence. Long separations can cause your baby to go through the stages of grief, and can affect his/her attachment to you. If separations are inevitable given your situation, then help your child to gradually work towards them. Avoid “caregiver roulette”; continuity of care, with a consistent, loving, caregiver, is critical. If you are a working parent you can practice AP when you are home to help you re-connect with your baby.
7. Use Positive discipline
Boundaries and limit-setting are necessary as children grow. Positive, non-violent methods of discipline and loving guidance promote the development of self-control and empathy towards others
8. Maintain balance in your family life
Balance is the key to avoiding “parent burn-out” and can be achieved by taking care of yourself through exercise, quiet time and healthy eating. An infant’s needs are intense and immediate, yet a balance can be achieved in meeting baby’s needs, as well as the needs of other family members