So I'm not entirely sure what I'm asking with this thread, but you ladies who hang out here are awesome so I thought I'd put this out there. Thank you for reading! Sorry it's so long.
At the moment I have no religion. I have some beliefs but they are eclectic and some of them are conflicting
When I was little (until I was about 8) I went to church with my mom. My most vivid memories of church are from a pentecostal church we went to for a while. It was very joyful, there was a lot of singing and even dancing and also speaking in tongues. I liked the actual worship service because it felt good! Sunday school not so much, I remember it being somewhat patronizing and certainly not as "juicy" as the praise part.
When I was 9, my parents "converted" to Tibetan Buddhism. Long story short, my mom had some major mental health issues and she found great healing from Buddhism and her teacher. For both her and my dad Buddhism just "fell into place" and it is definitely the right thing for them.
Tibetan Buddhism is heavy on the ceremony - we would go to these ceremonies when I was a kid and, though I do remember a feeling of calm and peace after them, they were not nearly as participatory for kids and I was mostly just bored. This, combined with the starting of my adolescent irritation with my parents, resulted in me resenting them and their religion, though I did read some Buddhist philosophy later and it made sense to me in many ways. Until I was 14 or so I still believed in God (though I didn't expressly identify as Christian anymore) and I would still pray, and my parents never discouraged me from pursuing my own religious path, though they did introduce me to Buddhism and encourage my participation.
Anyway, as a teenager I realized that I had stopped believing in God, though after a year of full atheism I realized that even if I didn't believe in God per se, I still believed in "the universe" for lack of a better term, that things worked themselves out in a balance, were all connected, and that we couldn't know whether those things were good or bad for us so had to accept them as they came and learn from them. I didn't pray anymore. Christianity bothered me because the Christians I encountered were often close-minded, fearful and/or patronizing and I found many of the main beliefs to be impossible for me intellectually. More on that later.
I also had a few experiences with Hinduism in my teenage years and liked the theistic nature of it without having to rely on the Bible for example, though it certainly isn't for me.
I was also seriously attracted to Islam for a while, precisely because it is theistic but doesn't require belief in, i.e., Jesus as a savior, which was (is) hard for me to get my head around. Though again, I found out it wasn't for me.
My DP recently started seriously practicing Zen Buddhism (meditating for an hour each day, reading, etc.). It has been wonderful for him, giving him the kind of mental peace and stability that comes from a spiritual practice minus the kind of religious beliefs that put him off of every other religion (Zen is pretty much the driest, least religious religion there is and encourages "seeing for yourself" instead of straight out belief). In fact, I have found Zen attractive in some ways as well. I like how it doesn't rely on beliefs, that it works with exactly what is in front of you, the straightforwardness of it.
But, exactly for that reason, it's so gosh darn dry!
And I really can't get into it.
So in the past year or so I have started to identify my feeling of "the universe" as God again. I do believe in God now, very much. I read several Christian blogs regularly, and I like a lot about it: the service of others, the surrender to God in your everyday life, the "attitude of gratitude", the emphasis on love and forgiveness, the mindfulness. Not that Buddhism doesn't have these too, but they are just so much less focused on in my experience. Or somehow harder for me to access. In many ways I identify very much with Christian beliefs. But I have a few issues, particularly intellectual issues that I didn't have much of an problem with as a child. But I can't seem to quash my fascination with Christianity no matter how much I keep getting hung up on these issues, which is why I decided to write this monster post. Maybe those of you who converted to Christianity can help me with these.
For one, the Bible. I have trouble taking the whole thing as God's word. While I do believe that parts of it could certainly have been divinely inspired, I mostly see it as the product of the historical forces that made it. I also believe that the holy texts of other religions have much "divine" in them and I can't believe that Christianity is the only way to God. This might not actually be that big of an issue; at the Catholic school I went to for example they were very ecumenical and the interpretation of the Bible was very symbolic.
For another, the dualism. I have a huge amount of trouble believing that the soul is separate from the body. I think that belief has been the root of a lot of bad things in our culture and it just bothers me. I feel that God is in everything, that essentially there is nothing but God and that the biological processes of physical life are also part of that. I don't believe things are separate, I believe we just see them that way (there's the Buddhist influence) and we need to get past that flawed perception in order to be really happy. I also have issues with the idea of heaven and hell, though I realize there are a ton of different understandings of those within Christianity.
Also the explicit patriarchalism and the misogyny of a lot of Christianity's big names (Augustine for example; this is actually also an issue for me with most major religions). I see this as a relic of the historical context in which the Bible/other religious writings were written but it still bothers me. And does God have to be male in Christianity for example? Or is God beyond gender?
And of course I'm coming to the big one... Jesus as a personal savior. Though I am starting to think that this is a Mystery that just can't be comprehended intellectually and goes to a far deeper, symbolic and less verbal level than literally believing the death and resurrection story and that's that, so oddly I might have less trouble with this one than the previous ones.
Part of me feels that these issues are essentially not all that important, and that I should just put less emphasis on them and instead focus on the lifestyle and the actual practice of Christianity rather than the "theory" part. Though since the "theory" is what makes a religion unique from other religions it would seem dishonest to just ignore it and still identify as a Christian.
So... getting close to the end of my life story here
I am so grateful if you are still reading 
I guess I'm particularly interested in the thoughts of those of you who have struggled or are struggling with these issues. Also if someone knows of a particular belief system or interpretation of Christianity (and I know there are many) that deals with the issues I have I would love to hear. Though before suggesting that I just not bother with Christianity please remember that the whole reason I wrote this is because I can't seem to shake Christianity in my spiritual search, despite my intellectual knowledge that my beliefs do not seem to match up 100%.
I think that's it... whew!
At the moment I have no religion. I have some beliefs but they are eclectic and some of them are conflicting
When I was little (until I was about 8) I went to church with my mom. My most vivid memories of church are from a pentecostal church we went to for a while. It was very joyful, there was a lot of singing and even dancing and also speaking in tongues. I liked the actual worship service because it felt good! Sunday school not so much, I remember it being somewhat patronizing and certainly not as "juicy" as the praise part.
When I was 9, my parents "converted" to Tibetan Buddhism. Long story short, my mom had some major mental health issues and she found great healing from Buddhism and her teacher. For both her and my dad Buddhism just "fell into place" and it is definitely the right thing for them.
Tibetan Buddhism is heavy on the ceremony - we would go to these ceremonies when I was a kid and, though I do remember a feeling of calm and peace after them, they were not nearly as participatory for kids and I was mostly just bored. This, combined with the starting of my adolescent irritation with my parents, resulted in me resenting them and their religion, though I did read some Buddhist philosophy later and it made sense to me in many ways. Until I was 14 or so I still believed in God (though I didn't expressly identify as Christian anymore) and I would still pray, and my parents never discouraged me from pursuing my own religious path, though they did introduce me to Buddhism and encourage my participation.
Anyway, as a teenager I realized that I had stopped believing in God, though after a year of full atheism I realized that even if I didn't believe in God per se, I still believed in "the universe" for lack of a better term, that things worked themselves out in a balance, were all connected, and that we couldn't know whether those things were good or bad for us so had to accept them as they came and learn from them. I didn't pray anymore. Christianity bothered me because the Christians I encountered were often close-minded, fearful and/or patronizing and I found many of the main beliefs to be impossible for me intellectually. More on that later.
I also had a few experiences with Hinduism in my teenage years and liked the theistic nature of it without having to rely on the Bible for example, though it certainly isn't for me.
I was also seriously attracted to Islam for a while, precisely because it is theistic but doesn't require belief in, i.e., Jesus as a savior, which was (is) hard for me to get my head around. Though again, I found out it wasn't for me.
My DP recently started seriously practicing Zen Buddhism (meditating for an hour each day, reading, etc.). It has been wonderful for him, giving him the kind of mental peace and stability that comes from a spiritual practice minus the kind of religious beliefs that put him off of every other religion (Zen is pretty much the driest, least religious religion there is and encourages "seeing for yourself" instead of straight out belief). In fact, I have found Zen attractive in some ways as well. I like how it doesn't rely on beliefs, that it works with exactly what is in front of you, the straightforwardness of it.
But, exactly for that reason, it's so gosh darn dry!
And I really can't get into it.So in the past year or so I have started to identify my feeling of "the universe" as God again. I do believe in God now, very much. I read several Christian blogs regularly, and I like a lot about it: the service of others, the surrender to God in your everyday life, the "attitude of gratitude", the emphasis on love and forgiveness, the mindfulness. Not that Buddhism doesn't have these too, but they are just so much less focused on in my experience. Or somehow harder for me to access. In many ways I identify very much with Christian beliefs. But I have a few issues, particularly intellectual issues that I didn't have much of an problem with as a child. But I can't seem to quash my fascination with Christianity no matter how much I keep getting hung up on these issues, which is why I decided to write this monster post. Maybe those of you who converted to Christianity can help me with these.
For one, the Bible. I have trouble taking the whole thing as God's word. While I do believe that parts of it could certainly have been divinely inspired, I mostly see it as the product of the historical forces that made it. I also believe that the holy texts of other religions have much "divine" in them and I can't believe that Christianity is the only way to God. This might not actually be that big of an issue; at the Catholic school I went to for example they were very ecumenical and the interpretation of the Bible was very symbolic.
For another, the dualism. I have a huge amount of trouble believing that the soul is separate from the body. I think that belief has been the root of a lot of bad things in our culture and it just bothers me. I feel that God is in everything, that essentially there is nothing but God and that the biological processes of physical life are also part of that. I don't believe things are separate, I believe we just see them that way (there's the Buddhist influence) and we need to get past that flawed perception in order to be really happy. I also have issues with the idea of heaven and hell, though I realize there are a ton of different understandings of those within Christianity.
Also the explicit patriarchalism and the misogyny of a lot of Christianity's big names (Augustine for example; this is actually also an issue for me with most major religions). I see this as a relic of the historical context in which the Bible/other religious writings were written but it still bothers me. And does God have to be male in Christianity for example? Or is God beyond gender?
And of course I'm coming to the big one... Jesus as a personal savior. Though I am starting to think that this is a Mystery that just can't be comprehended intellectually and goes to a far deeper, symbolic and less verbal level than literally believing the death and resurrection story and that's that, so oddly I might have less trouble with this one than the previous ones.
Part of me feels that these issues are essentially not all that important, and that I should just put less emphasis on them and instead focus on the lifestyle and the actual practice of Christianity rather than the "theory" part. Though since the "theory" is what makes a religion unique from other religions it would seem dishonest to just ignore it and still identify as a Christian.
So... getting close to the end of my life story here
I am so grateful if you are still reading I guess I'm particularly interested in the thoughts of those of you who have struggled or are struggling with these issues. Also if someone knows of a particular belief system or interpretation of Christianity (and I know there are many) that deals with the issues I have I would love to hear. Though before suggesting that I just not bother with Christianity please remember that the whole reason I wrote this is because I can't seem to shake Christianity in my spiritual search, despite my intellectual knowledge that my beliefs do not seem to match up 100%.I think that's it... whew!
. ) That, to me, sums up heaven and hell. Unfortunately, that was not how our church taught it.
) by gnostic readings. But, I do not believe that Jesus (and honestly, I still wrestle with the idea of whether his was historically a person or not) meant to be a personal savior. I see it much differently - that the focus should be on his life and not his death. That we should focus on his message, which is a universal message - love God (the Divine, the source from which we all are connected, ultimately meaning to love oneself as a human expression of that Divine), and love each other as ourselves (recognize the Divine in every one). Isn't that basically the same idea of the greeting of "namaste"? We are to realize that we are all children of the Divine and I think the teachings of Jesus point us to that. He is the Way because his is a path of Love; there is no other way to the Divine except the path of Love. For when we are not existing within the context of Love, we are no longer connected to our Source. 
I didn't read any of the responses yet, so sorry if I repeat anything that's been said already.
: OH! Wow. Bluegoat, your explanation of Logos was a revelation to me. Thank you. Wow. 
