Another situation...not following rules outdoors

[ThreeKidsinKy]

Another situation I'm not sure how to handle.

We live in a fairly enclosed neighborhood, only 18 houses on one street, with a green-space circle at either end and one outlet at the front. All of the houses are fenced in at the back, although due to wind storms and ice storms during the last 6 months, some of the fences have more openings then before. We have always had the rules that 1) we don't go into backyards of neighbors unless they have invited us and stay with us; 2) we ask our parents before we go further than a certain neighbor's house; 3) we *never ever* leave the neighborhood without our parents.

So a couple of weeks ago, DH found all 3 of the kids had gone through a neighbor's fence into the yard behind them (outside the neighborhood). They had to go through a missing fence post and under the other yard's chain-link fence to get there. He brought them back home and discussed the situation with them...the dangers (we don't know these people, they could get hurt on the broken fences, we didn't know where they were and if they'd gone further they could have gotten lost themselves; trespassing, etc), the broken rules, etc. He let them know that they were to never do that again. 3 days later *I* found them in the same yard, this time jumping on their trampoline and just as I called to them, a kid came out of the house saying Hey, who are you kids? DAD!! There are strange kids in our yard!!" My kids came back through the fence and back home acting like it was no big deal but I was very upset...and I hadn't even been told about the previous time. Soooo...what would you do in this situation? DH put them on "restriction" to our yard for 2 weeks to earn back his trust. That sounds a lot like punishment to me, but I'm really not sure what else to do. If DH or I had to be outside with them for them to go out, they'd be lucky to get outside once a day, which IMO isn't healthy. I work from home while they are home, as well as having housework, etc. to take care of.

WWYD?

Thanks.

Ginnie
(Mama to DS1 (7.5) and twin DS/DD (5.5)

[RiverSky]

I must admit that I think it's age appropriate for the children to be EXTREMELY tempted by the neighbor's trampoline. To my children, I would stress that trampolines are actually very dangerous, that children and adults break arms and legs and other bones all the time on trampolines, and due to that, they are never allowed on a trampoline unless we say so (and are watching) and that only one child at a time may be on it (to avoid injury). Perhaps that additional viewpoint will make more sense to your young children, though I don't imagine you could ever count on it working 100%.

Personally, I would never let children that young outside unsupervised, even in a well secured back yard, so I'm a little surprised that others do. I sort of think that if you don't want your children leaving your yard, there are a few steps you could take.

(1) Either move your work to right beside a window or sliding glass door to the back yard, so that you can keep an eye on them and hear what they are doing.
(2) Fix it so there is a completely safe fence all around your back yard. Not only will it keep your children from leaving, but it will keep other children out of your yard as well as stray dogs and the like.
(3) If you can, take your work out in the back yard with you, perhaps onto a patio table or something (I have no idea what sort of work you do)
(4) make a point to be outside with your children more often until they are old enough to be a little more responsible and a little less tempted.

[ThreeKidsinKy]

Originally Posted by RiverSky

I must admit that I think it's age appropriate for the children to be EXTREMELY tempted by the neighbor's trampoline. To my children, I would stress that trampolines are actually very dangerous, that children and adults break arms and legs and other bones all the time on trampolines, and due to that, they are never allowed on a trampoline unless we say so (and are watching) and that only one child at a time may be on it (to avoid injury). Perhaps that additional viewpoint will make more sense to your young children, though I don't imagine you could ever count on it working 100%.

Personally, I would never let children that young outside unsupervised, even in a well secured back yard, so I'm a little surprised that others do. I sort of think that if you don't want your children leaving your yard, there are a few steps you could take.

(1) Either move your work to right beside a window or sliding glass door to the back yard, so that you can keep an eye on them and hear what they are doing.
(2) Fix it so there is a completely safe fence all around your back yard. Not only will it keep your children from leaving, but it will keep other children out of your yard as well as stray dogs and the like.
(3) If you can, take your work out in the back yard with you, perhaps onto a patio table or something (I have no idea what sort of work you do)
(4) make a point to be outside with your children more often until they are old enough to be a little more responsible and a little less tempted.

Thank you for your reply. I actually didn't allow them outside by themselves until this past summer, and I was probably the only one in my circle of mom friends who was that "protective" after the age of 4. I don't feel like they are unsafe at our end of the neighborhood...we are at the closed end. I mean, obviously aside from them being able to get out via the broken fence!

I would give an arm for a fenced in yard!! But the way our house and yard is laid out (we are on a pseudo-corner curve) , it would cost a fortune and we'd have to dig up part of the patio and driveway to do so. Our back/side yard wraps around 3/4 of the house, so there is no one spot where I could sit inside and work. Nor is there any one spot outdoors, come to think of it.

[snoopy5386]

I think that consequence sounds fine. 2 weeks is a little on the long side but not the end of the world. I would then have then come check in every 15-30 mins or so. I also think their ages are fine to be out in the yard/neighborhood alone especially if they are all together. Maybe it is also time to go meet the folks with the trampoline?

[philomom]

My yard had the only neighborhood trampoline growing up. No fences anywhere. Often, we'd come home from town and find kids running away from our trampoline. My parents always called or knocked on the neighbor's door and explained that trampolines are dangerous... they didn't mind sharing but an adult must be on hand to watch any kids on the trampoline for safety's sake. And this is before we all got so sue happy.

[mom2grrls]

Well I guess if I was very certain I didn't want them wandering away i'd somehow manage it that I was outside with them until they get better about staying in the yard. Take my work outside or perhaps have a mother's helper for an extra set of eyes.

[labdogs42]

I allow my 4 year old to play in our fenced in back yard by himself. He recently opened the gate and went into the front yard (not allowed) by himself. We had a big talk about how mommy trusts him to follow the rules when he is in the yard and if he can't follow the rules, mommy will have to watch him all the time when he is out there and he won't have that privilege any more. It seems to be working. He hasn't opened the gate again. If he does, I plan to supervise him in the yard for a while and remind him about the rules.

[tbone_kneegrabber]

I think the "logical" consquence is : if you can't be trusted to play outside unsupervised, you can't play outside unsupervised.

Also you could talk to your neighbors about helping fix their fence, your kids could help work on it: because you can't handle the temptation of the broken fence we are all going to help the Jones' fix their fence so that you are not tempted to go through it again, kinda deal