I finally got up the courage to go try one of the local synagogues, and I loved it. Last Shabbat, I went to morning services at the local Conservative synagogue, and loved it. I loved how much in hebrew it was (even though I don't speak hebrew, I love being a part of a community raising their voices in prayer in hebrew together, and I'm working on learning hebrew), I loved how welcoming everyone was, I loved how participatory it was (the Rabbi was out of town so the entire service was led by congregation members, including the entire mussaf led by a girl who was probably only a year or two past her Bat Mitzvah, which I loved, since I know many of my jewish friends as teen felt their bar or bat mitzvah was sort of the last jewish obligation they had. I also loved that that meant they really walked their talk, that is, bar and bat mitzvahs really were counted as adults for ritual/minyan purposes regularly, and not just on their big day). I don't know everything I loved about it, but I really did. I'm definitely going back next week, hopefully, I'll still love it. I'm also going to try to meet with the Rabbi.
One reason I decided to try this congregation first is because they seemed in many ways like the perfect match.
They are conservative, which means that they would require me to convert, coming from a jewish father and gentile mother (I know, that might sound weird, but lately I've been thinking that I really want to convert, because even if in a reform congregation, they would accept me as Jewish, I know and G-d knows that according to His law, I am not jewish.).
They accept interfaith relationships/families. I am not willing to give up my love, my partner, to become Jewish, since he is not Jewish, and does not wish to become Jewish. I know that it is much harder to raise Jewish children in an interfaith family, and that interfaith relationships pose great challenges, but I'm up for the challenge. I am commited to raising our children jewish, and he is fine with that. He isn't religious at all, and felt something... wrong.. I guess, with the religion he grew up with. (I know that some mama's here might not approve of interfaith relationships, but I'm only looking for support, and to share my excitement about finding this congregation, and making this step on my journey, with friends. Thank you.)
I like that it is a more observant community. Certainly they view halacha differently than say an orthodox community, but I think for the most part, they're fairly in line with my beliefs. It would be a good place to explore being drawn to fulfill mitzvah, unlike a congregation which was less observant/not very observant.
Anyways, I'm terribly excited. I know its only the second shul I've visited in Berkeley, but it really really spoke to my heart. I came out of services and the oneg shabbat, and walked out onto a glorious day, which made me feel so joyful and greatful to G-d. I wanted to shout out, G-d is great. I just felt very in awe of G-d this Shabbat. I spent much of last night, staring at the stars, trying to contemplate the fact that G-d, who created the whole universe, who created stars so very far away, and the very edge of the universe, G-d so mighty and great, could possibly be the loving father/mother of us, such small, insignificant creatures, that we could be His Chosen children (humans as well as Jews.) As I walked back to my car, a rooster crowed, which made me laugh with joy. It was just funny, somehow, a rooster crowing in the middle of the city reminded me that G-d is everywhere. It was wonderful.
It was also the first Shabbat where DP and I blessed each other, not just praising or saying something good about the other person, and I was struck by how incredibly powerful placing your hands on someone's head and blessing them was, and in return how powerful to be blessed. I don't think I'd ever in my life been blessed like that, it wasn't something I grew up with, but something that from that moment, I became 200% committed to making sure my children grow up with.
Yesterday was pretty wonderful too, had some great marveling at the wonder of G-d's world, and how good He is to us, running on the beach, with the cold water lapping at the waves, and the sun shining down. Total kid in me moment, but perhaps its the kid in me who gets least hung up on thinking stuff, and more feeling the glory of G-d.
