suicidal friend of DS's

[guestmama400]

I just made a long post and the computer ate it. Blech!

I am not new to MDC (far from it) but in the interest of confidntiality, I have created an alter ego.

Ds told me a couple of days ago that one of his best friends has mentionned committing suicide. Actually, according to Ds he threattens to kill himself all the time. DS does not think he really means it - friend in question has a history of being dramatic and saying dramatic things.

Friend is bullied, hates middle school (and has asked to switch school - parents won't let him and has some sort of anxiety issues. For example, he is very concerned about the world ending.

I asked DS if friend had told his parents about feeling suicidal - DS said yes. Friend threattens to kill himself all the time. I wonder if Ds is assuming this or know this?

DS did mention that friend had seen a counsellor over anxiety issues.

What to do????

a) nothing. Not a great option - but I am just putting it out there.
b) tell parents. I am heading towards this one. Parents are acquaintences - we are not really friendly, although there is nothing wrong with them, per se.
c) tell school
d) tell CPS.

Is there an "E" option that I am not thinking of????

[j_p_i]

Saw this in new posts - would you feel comfortable talking to DS's friend? Perhaps he doesn't feel comfortable talking to his parents, or doesn't know what his resources are. Or maybe help him get in touch with someone who can help him?

This may be an uncomfortable option, just a thought though.

[just_lily]

I would tell the parents for sure, and depending on how that goes, maybe also the school.

If the parents are receptive and seriously look into it I would leave it in their hands. If it was my kid, I would definitely want to know.

If they brush you off I would be tempted to talk to your child's teacher or principal and let them know. They should have access to school councillors who can better evaluate what is going on, and push the parents into action if their really is an issue.

I can't see myself calling CPS. Even if there was immenent danger, like the child was going to try to take his life today, I would call the police instead.

What a big issue for your son to be dealing with. Good luck!

[shelbean91]

find the number for a suicide hotline in your area and call them- they would have ideas for resources for you.

[mom2ponygirl]

I agree with pp's about talking to the parents and calling the hotline for ideas. I lost a friend to suicide the summer after high school. It still haunts me 25 years later.

[fruitfulmomma]

I subbed when I saw this yesterday because I really wanted to get back to you...

Please, please don't let this go! Like mom2ponygirl, I lost someone to suicide also and even though I would not have considered us friends in the sense of hanging out together or whatever, it still haunts me because I heard him say that he was suicidal and I didn't do anything about it. (No, I don't blame myself for his death, it was his choice, but I still wonder if the outcome could have been different if I had spoken up.)

Aside from what the others have mentioned, I think you need to emphasize the seriousness of this to your own son. Maybe the friend doesn't really mean it, okay well then he is still crying out for some kind of help. And if he is serious and nobody is listening, not taking him seriously, then I think his feelings are probably just being reinforced.

[guestmama400]

My current plan is to call a suicide prevention hotline (today).

I will talk to my son (today or tomorrow) and then I will talk to the friends parents.

I will let you know how it goes.

[Thisbirdwillfly]

Please also let the school know. School is one of the places that children do sometimes attempt or carry out suicide. The staff and teachers want to help.

The most important thing you can do as far as your son goes is let him see you reaching out for help. It's so important that kids understand that this is a secret they cannot keep, that they are simply not ready to handle.

Bless you for being involved and taking action.

[A&A]

What would you want someone else to do if your child were suicidal?

That's the answer.

(In other words, call the parents! Now!)

[guestmama400]

I have called - well actually, I ran into the mother - which is even better.

I relayed what I heard and she said she will talk to him.

She has heard him talk like that before.

I don't know what will come of it.

[viking]

i would consider talking with him, asking what you can do to help him, give him a shoulder to cry on or just someone to speak with.
perhaps he feels that his mother does not listen to him or care about him.